Lost in the Light
by BookmarkedSoul
Summary: To differentiate light from the darkness, one must have lived in both of those. Alec and Magnus meet on their first day at The Institute College. But the past haunts them and they are both scared to let anyone else in their hearts. Our boys fall, in love or apart.
1. Chapter 1

**LOST IN THE LIGHT**

 **A/** **N: This is my first fanfiction ever, so I am more than excited to hear your thoughts on it. I know it is not perfect, but writing this makes me happy. So if you have any suggestions,** **please tell me, so I can become better** **. Try not to be mean, because this is the first chapter. I apologize in advance for any mistakes, but my native language is not English.**

 **The only suggestion that I have is to listen to the music while reading because it sets the mood. But it is your choice :))**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from The Mortal Instruments series. They all belong to the wonderful Cassandra Clare.**

* * *

 **Chapter I**

 _Monday 9:00 am_

 **Song for this scene:** **Creep by Readiohead**

Alec was standing in the back of the classroom. His notebook was open and a black pencil sat in the middle of it. He had his Ipod in the pocket of his jeans, one headphone in his left ear, while the other hung loosely on his chest. It didn't work anymore, the other headphone, so the music playing in his ear was pretty low, like a distant hum, like someone was constantly whispering in his ear in a very, very low voice, but he couldn't make out the words. He had this feeling that if he could lean close enough, he would understand all of it completely, and he would finally be at peace, knowing everything was okay, if not even perfect. But everything was not okay, and his headphone didn't work, not anymore. And no matter how hard he would press the other one into his left ear, the lyrics were still some sort of mumbling, some meaningless words on some soundless tune.

 _I am a creep_

 _What the hell am I doing here?_

He started to feel it again. The awful and horrible sensation. Like something was squeezing his soul with bare, cold hands. And he thought, just for a minute he thought ''What if I give in to this sensation? What if I let it take control over me and just sink in the darkness and nothingness?"

 _I am a w_ _eirdo_

 _I don't belong here_

 _I don't care if it hurts_

And then the images started to flash in his mind. Like blades cutting through his brain and arrows stabbing his heart.

* * *

 **Song: Jason Walker- Down**

He was there. He was in their bed and he was kissing some good looking blonde dude and his hands were all over his body, memorizing his curves and edges like Alec had done so many times to Sebastian's body; his Sebastian who was now all over someone else, whispering that guy's name, breathing it in with all his being.

''Wh..What?'' he couldn't speak.

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't make them move forward, he couldn't form any kind of sound. All he could repeat was ''What?''.

''Alec! Alec, baby! Oh my God! Alec, I...I...''

''What? What did you say?''

''I am sorry! I said I am sorry. This is...''

Alec tried to pull himself together. But everything was so hard. The air was suddenly too thick and it didn't fill his lungs properly. All he could think about was Sebastian kissing someone. Someone that was not Alec. Someone who was more beautiful than Alec. Someone who was more confident in himself. Someone better.

''Not what is seems? Because I am fucking sure it is. You are kissing with this dude on our bed! What the hell? Alec baby? Alec baby?''

''What the hell are you still doing here?'' He was speaking now with the tall fair-gold-haired boy. ''Get out! Get out!'' He shouted. He shouted so loud he thought for a second that the neighbours might hear. Hear the desperation in his voice. The anger trying to take control over him and then..he didn't care.

Sebastian was standing in front of him only in his boxers-briefs. A glimpse of light landed on his beautiful boyfriend's- ex boyfriend?- body. His fine toned body looked even more beautiful like that- half in the light coming from the street lights in front of their..his?...no longer his apartment and half standing in the dark.

And he knew this was all his fault. At least that was what he thought at the moment. He was so sorry he wasn't enough for Sebastian. He wasn't enough, and that was it. As simple as that.

''I...'' Sebastian muttered.

''I love you'' said Alec. He raised his head and watch the man in front of him straight in the eyes. Tears were gathering in the corners of his. ''I do. It's true. I did since the moment you started to talk to me in the school yard, back in freshman year. Alec couldn't stop. He just kept talking without even acknowledging what he was saying. He spoke his mind, his soul, his heart, his fears. He didn't even care what Sebastian might think of him. He loved him with all his being, with all he had. He _gave_ him almost everything he had. He gave him a piece of his soul and now Sebastian was smashing all of it just with the look on his face. And Alec knew right there and then that he didn't share his feelings, Sebastian didn't feel butterflies in his stomach when he saw Alec. He didn't lose his breath and his words when he just looked at him. Didn't stare at him four hours thinking that this beautiful human being was his and only his. Sebastian didn't love him. Sebastian played with him. Had fun with him.

''You...What?'' Sebastian looked surprised and a little bit scared. Like he just realized what he had done.

Alec looked at him one more time and then turned around, running down the stairs. The moment he stepped out of the building's door, he felt cold raindrops hitting his face and falling all around him. He wanted to be a raindrop and just vanish in oblivion.

Somewhere, only a few streets away from the building's entrance, Jason sang in Alec's car.

 _I shot for the sky_

 _I'm stuck on the ground_

 _So why do I try_

 _When i know I'm gonna fall down?_

* * *

 _I thought_ _I_ _could fly_

 _So why did I drown?_

Alec pulled out his headphone and looked all over the classroom. _Good_ , he thought. Nobody was watching him and the teacher had not arrived yet. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. He couldn't give up here, in this class. He had to hold it together, he had to repeat in his head '' _You are fine_ ''. But he knew he wasn't. But he had to be. He would make a full of himself if he had a panic attack during classes.

 _Breath_ _e_ _...In...And out..._

Just when he was putting his headphone back into his ear, some tall Asian boy approached him and said something. Alec didn't hear at first.

''Sorry. What?''

'Is this seat taken?'

'No. Please. Sit.'

'Thank you! By the way, I'm...'

When he was ready to introduce himself, the teacher walked through the door.

Alec smiled and made a gesture towards the boy next to him indicating to be silent and listen to the teacher.

* * *

 _Monday 7:00 am_

Ring...Ring...Ring

''Oh, my God! Shut up, will you?'' grumbled Magnus, his face still buried in the soft pillows on his bed, on knee hidden in the comfy, warm place under the blankets and another hanging by the side of the bed. He reached for the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand and instead, he touched something soft and warm...and not fluffy and furry...so it wasn't Chairman Meow. THEN WHO TE HELL WAS IN HIS BED?

He raised his head and memories started to flash in his mind causing a headache. Everything was still sort of blurry and he couldn't remember quite all of it, but what he _could_ remember wished would be forgotten in an instant, because, _Oh God not again!_ were the words that described every single thing he did last night.

The boy was lying in his bed, eyes half closed, smiling to Magnus softly.

''Oh, shit, shit shit!'' repeated Magnus.

''Morning, honey.''

Magnus choked.

''What? No, no, no. You got this all wrong. I am not your honey, nor your sugar, dear...''

The boy did not respond.

''In case you did not take the hint, I am waiting for you to complete my sentence...''

''Oh, I didn't know we were already there...I mean we have to date first for a few months before we reach that point of the relationship.''

If he could, Mgnus would have choked again.

''With your name, stupid. To complete with your name. Wait...What relationship? This...This is...''

''Very hot, very loud and very good sex? Because I can work with that. And by the way, you seemed to remember my name last night. You kept on saying it again and again, very loud and clear. I think your neighbours might know my name by now...

''When I get out of that bathroom, said Magnus pointing towards the door behind him, you will be long gone! Bye!'' And with that he turned around, entering the bathroom and turning on the hot water.

 **Song: The Rolling Stones- No Expectations. Imagine this song playing in the background while Magnus takes his shower.**

Before he got in the shower he looked in the mirror.

One, two, three, four... _Fo_ _u_ _r hickeys._ Only on his neck. God knows how many he might have all over his body. He could have lied to that boy, and say that the sex hadn't been great, but, _oh, God_ , what a lie would that have been ! It was great, and hot, and great again, and...period. Just for fun. Just to keep him going. Just to keep his needs under control. He shrugged at the image of that boy lying in his bed...ugh..stupid...relationship? He shuddered again. It's true. They've been sleeping together for a few weeks, but that was definitely _the last time_. He stepped in the shower, letting the hot water pour all over his body, to wash the memories of last night, of a very full of alcohol, hot boys, and dancing last night. It was a new day, he thought, a good day.

 _A good day_ , he repeated and almost believed his words.

By 8:30, Magnus was ready to begin his first day at this college. He took his time with the make-up, knowing he had to make a good impression. He worked really hard to make it to The Institute College. Last year Magnus gave all he had, he studied every day, every hour, just to make it out of that place, of that miserable and disgusting place. He felt dirty hands trying to rip his soul out of his chest as he was thinking about those days. The best and the worst of his life. _Isn't that funny_ , he thought, _how something c_ _an_ _lift you up so high in the sky, to_ _make you shine so bright that you blinded everything_ _around you and in the same time to kill you slowly but surely?_ Only remembering those days made him feel like someone was dissecting him and saw everything, every flaw, every weakness. He felt vulnerable in that moment. So he shrugged. He did that a lot.

The feeling was almost gone, but never completely. There always was a part that hung around his soul, entwined with his ribs. Like a thin rope that surrounded everything. _Thin_ but _there_. Sometimes he thought that rope was all that held him together. Like a painful memory that reminded him of those times, reminding him not to give up, because when you do, there's a pretty big chance you'll never found your way back. So he kept the rope there, consciously knowing it hurts every time he breathed, A painful reminder that hope is there. Because still having hope is like fighting a battle every day, pushing yourself to your breaking point and holding on. Sometimes still having hope was _sorrowful._

And for a moment he thought maybe darkness was good. Maybe it was okay. And shuddered again.

He took a look in the mirror. A little bit of eyeliner, a little bit of eye shadow, okay, maybe a little bit more eye shadow. His nails were black. He wore a pair of skinny black jeans and a green T-shirt cut in a V-line at his neck. He applied a little bit of concealer on his hickeys but then thought better of it and put a scarf around his neck, then added a belt to his jeans to match the new accessory with.

He made it to the place where he parked his car and jumped right in the driver's seat, turned on the engine and opened the window. _God it was hot_ _outside_. As soon as the car started to roll down the street, music blasted from his car's radio.

He stopped to a traffic light after fifteen minutes.

 _Does anybody know what we are_ _looking_ _for_

 _Another heartache, another failed romance_

Soon he was singing along with Freddy Mercury.

''Hey, do you mind lowering that volume a little bit? Not everyone shares your good mood this morning."

A red-headed girl was sitting in a car on the other line, looking very upset. She was not actually bothered by Magnus's music. She just looked like she wanted to pick up a fight and spill her nerves on something. He pitied her. Such a good day should not be ruined by anything.

Magnus smiled widely and saw the look on the girl's face changing.

''It is a privilege to hear my music'' he replied and then accelerated, making a loud noise with the wheels of his car.

As he entered the classroom, he could still hear Freddy's voice:

 _My make-up may be flaking_

 _But my smile still stays on_

He smiled. And then he saw him...standing at the back of the class, with a headphone in his hand and the other one hanging loosely on his fine sculptured abdomen. He actually wore a very large, very worn, black sweater, but Magnus had a formed eye for these kind of things. He looked again at his face. His lungs filled with air. He smiled again. It was a good day, he thought as he went straight to the dark-haired and blue-eyed boy. _A good day._

* * *

At first Alec didn't acknowledge the presence of the boy standing right next to him. He knew that at some point during his thinking someone actually wanted to sit next to him, and he remembered smiling to that person and silencing them. But it wasn't until he dropped all his school supplies on to the floor, making the entire class turn towards him and receiving a disapproving nod from his teacher, that he saw a pair of almond shaped-eyes, with a strange combination of green and yellow melting in a little bit of black, staring right at him. The boy was smiling with his eyes, with the corners of his mouth, _with all his features._ Alec thought he never saw someone as beautiful as this man. It's true, he wore make-up and had glitter in his hair, his spiky hair, he might add, but Alec saw something beneath all that, he saw something in those eyes that made his heart skip a beat. And he tried, he really tried to look away. But the boy was smiling. _And what a beautiful smile he had!_

''Mr...Lightwood, isn't it?' The professor spoke rather loud.

''I know I am not as attractive as the one standing next to you, but i will very much appreciate it if you pay more attention over here, the teacher pointed at himself, than to that very good looking fellow over there.''

The entire class started to laugh and Magnus tried to hold back a giggle, but he failed miserably. Alec shot him a look that could kill and turned to his seat, after he gathered all of his belongings from the floor, face a shade of red Magnus didn't know existed till then.

 _Oh. My. God._ Thought Alec as he was trying to focus on what the teacher was saying. _This is bad. Like very, very, very bad. The worst._ How the hell did all of his school supplies fall on the floor? Oh, yeah. That's right!

His headphones were still hanging from his pocket. He must have entangled himself in them, and , as he tried to bring the notebook closer to his lap, he managed to throw them all on the floor. Those stupid headphones which didn't even work as they should. Like he was going to give up on them any time soon...

What was he thinking staring like that to his classmate? He must think Alec's an idiot now. _Bravo, Alec! Your first day, and you already screwed up everything!_

The hour went by pretty slow and no other incidents followed that one, to Magnus's disappointment. He would give anything to have those gorgeous blue eyes on him just for one more moment. He couldn't stop grinning. He was so clumsy. Who could get tangled in their own headphones? Magnus turned his head over to look to the young man standing next to him, but he was taking notes and then paying very close attention to the teacher, who was talking about some group projects they had to turn in till the and of the semester. Magnus turned his eyes to the blackboard. This was going to be so much fun!

The class finally ended, to Alec's relief, who gathered his stuff in less then five seconds and stormed out of the class, still feeling ashamed for what had happened. He should have apologized to the teacher, but he wanted to be as far as possible from the shiny man.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **A/N: Yay, Izzy appears in this chapter. I will really appreciate if you review. I am really curious to know what you are thinking about my writing, about the characters. I know this is barely the beginning, but still.**

 **Again, go listen to the songs if you want to. There are pretty good, in my humble opinion, at least.**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I only own the plot. The characters belong to Cassandra Clare, although I wish I had a blue-eyed boy in my room. But I don't *sighs* :((**

* * *

Monday 8:00 am

 **Song:** _ **The Pass**_ _ **e**_ _ **nger by Iggy Pop**_ **(because this song is perf** **ect. Imagine this playing only when Isabelle is driving, and not when she remembers** **things from the past.** **For those scenes I have different songs :)) )**

Isabelle drove very fast, thinking she might make it in time, but realizing she was fooling herself. Of course she was going to be late or even miss her first class on her very first day of school. She sighed loudly and accelerated.

It was all her parents' fault. Her parents who just decided to get a divorce. So who would they call to give all the details of their fights, who would they keep on the telephone for hours, talking about their problems and shouting at each other?

Jace was always busy with his soccer training and didn't come home until eight o'clock or sometimes even later, so Maryse and Robert didn't bother him with late night phone calls, and they both knew Alec had his own problems. This fight was the last thing Alec needed right now. He barely got on his feet again.

Isabelle thought about it for a while...Alec's years of high school were something they didn't talk about. Back then he never said a thing, but she could tell from the way he looked at that boy, Sebastian, that he was head over heels for him, and their parents, if they had noticed, kept on denying it, whispering in low voices at night that it was just a phase, and it will go away with time. And then, Alec stopped coming home with Sebastian, stopped talking with or about him. He actually didn't talk to anyone anymore. He wasn't...He just wasn't anymore. That's all.

That's when Izzy got really worried so she tried to talk to him, she kept on reassuring him she was there, not going anywhere. She was there for him no matter when he needed her.

* * *

 **Song: _Museum of a Flight by Damien Jurado_**

''I am shattered, Izzy. I feel it every day, when I breathe, when I walk, when I think about him. I am trying so hard not to, but his face keeps appearing in my head. My heart is broken, and it's dark, so I can't start picking up the pieces, because I don't see them. I don't know where they are: here, there, everywhere? Nowhere... '' he said one night when they were home alone. She arrived almost at midnight and found her brother stretched on the carpet, with a bottle of wine in his left hand, the other one resting on his chest. He had a weird smile all over his face.

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. She had to help him, but she didn't know how. God, she didn't even know how to help herself.

''Come here, Alec. Get up. Get up and let's go.'' He didn't listen to her. He stayed there and kept on repeating ''I told him I love him. I did it. It's all my fault, you now? If i was better... I should have been better.''

After half an hour, she managed to take Alec into his room and placed him on the bed, taking the bottle of alcohol from his hands.

''I think you had enough of that. Go to sleep.''

He did. And she stood there, in an armchair by the window,watching her brother falling asleep and falling into pieces.

All that was a year and a half ago, but Alec was still so fragile. Even if he hid it a lot, Isabelle could see that he was so unhappy.

* * *

 **Song** _ **:**_ _ **Home by Ella Eyre**_

She knew she had to take care of her brothers, it was her duty, as a sister. But sometimes she got tired, and lost. Sometimes she didn't know _how_ exactly to help them, because she was barely nineteen. You shouldn't worry about these kind of things at nineteen. You should party, and have fun. _And go to college_ , she remembered, _and have not so much fun._

She couldn't say she didn't party. Oh, yes, she did. A lot, she might add. But there were so many other things that got in the way of her teenage years. So many things she kept inside. Always trying to look like she was fine, always thinking about the ones she loved, worrying about them.

She remembered that day, years ago, when she walked in on her parents fighting.

She wanted to show them the drawing she made at school. It was a pretty good one, and the teacher complimented her work, too. She was close to the door, when she realized she forgot the piece of paper downstairs, on the table, where she had had her meal. She was on the point of turning around when she heard the shouting. She froze for a moment. What was she supposed to do? Walk in and try to stop them, or lock herself up in her room, and pretend she was asleep when someone was going to look for her?

She heard her mother screaming again. Her cry came out like a stifling sound. Izzy could tell her parents have been fighting for quite a while now, if their voices were so hoarse. She took one more step and opened the door to her parents' bedroom, hesitation still present in her movements. The image she saw frightened her.

They were screaming at each other, insulting and throwing random things. She could see her mother's tears spread all over her face, her misery, her anger. Robert was looking at her with nothing but hate. _This is not how it was suppose_ _d_ _to be. Parents should love each other._ She thought back then. So she begged them to stop.

''Can you kiss each other and be happy again?'' she said. She tried to smile, to show them everything was alright and there was nothing to worry about, _no reason_ to fight.

That's when her mother couldn't keep it in any longer and burst out in loud cries. The image of her innocent child, standing in the door frame and begging them to stop in a very childish was way too much for Maryse. She wanted to stop right there. To press pause and just breathe, and then run to her child and protect her. But not even she knew what to protect them from. From their own parents? From the disaster that this family was? From the world itself? From the many years of pain and difficulties that will accompany their lives? Not even a mother can protect her children from that. No matter how badly she wants to.

Isabelle's father turned to her and shouted:

''Look what you've done, you foolish child. No, we cannot kiss. I don't love your mother anymore. You hear me?'' He shouted even louder. Izzy put her hands over her tiny ears. She had tears in her eyes. Her dad reached her and slapped her hands. He leaned over, so now he was facing her. Izzy could smell the alcohol in his breath. She hated this. Hated it so much.

''Don't be rude, you stupid child. You hear me?''

''I don't love you anymore'' he shouted towards Maryse. He stepped out of the room. When he was in the hallway he shouted once more.

''I want a fucking divorce.''

Izzy started to cry. She got closer to her mother, stepping carefully, not to stab her foot in the broken glass that was scattered on their beautiful Turkish carpet. Her mother used to love this carpet, but now it had stains of red wine all over it. Those will never come out.

She hoped her mother would give her a hug. Make her feel alright like she always did when Isabelle was younger and hurt herself on the playground, or when she and Alec got in a fight and Alec always won. Or when Jace took the remote from her and switched from her cartoons to some channel which broadcast a stupid game. She headed towards her mother hoping she would find compassion.

But this time her mother pushed her way.

''Isabelle, go to your room and stay there!''

She turned around, wiping the tears from her face.

''And don't lock the door. I'll come in later.''

But she didn't. Nobody did. Alec came home near midnight, and Jace not even then.

She was all alone.

I _t wasn't sup_ _p_ _ose_ _d_ _to be like this_ , she told herself while swerving on the highway. _Parents should love_ _ea_ _ch other._

The memories made her stomach ache. She wanted to puke, to take it all out. To not have it all wrapped around her heart, sanding with every beat shots of pain in every inch of her body, pumping the blood from her wounds that had never healed properly. How could they? When she was constantly reminded how _broke_ _n_ they all were. How Maryse never stood up for them.

''She is _our mother_ , for God's sake!'' screamed Isabelle.''She is _our mother_!''

She felt the anger going deeper inside her. She thought of Robert who loved them. He did. She knew that much. She saw it in his eyes many times. That night he just gave in to exasperation. He was upset. He was unhappy. Alec was unhappy. And he never talked about it. He kept it inside and it ate him alive. She was unhappy. Everybody was _not happy._

She was going to change that. She was going to bring Jace back home. No matter where he was, in which corner of the world he lived right now, she was going to bring him back home. She was going to fix this. She could try, at least. Try for Max, her little blueberry. Her little brother who brought light into her life. When he smiled, her all world filled with joy. He didn't deserve this. He shouldn't be all alone. Nobody should. Not like her.

 **Switching to Iggy Pop again**

She pushed those memories in a dark corner of her mind. She didn't want to deal with that right now. She had to focus on the road, if she wanted to make it in time for her second class.

She turned up the volume. Iggy Pop's voice filled her ears.

''It's going to be fine,'' she whispered for herself.

She had to tell Alec, at some point, about their family situation. Maybe they will meet for a coffee between classes and she would take it all off her chest. That was selfish, she thought for a moment, but then realized Alec might have become upset if he found out she 'd been hiding such a huge thing from him. She would tell him, she decided, but first she had to make it to the college. She was already very late.

 _La la la la la la la la_

She smiled.

 _La la la la la la la la_

''I don't love you anymore'', he said, she heard.

* * *

Magnus was determined not to let this chance slip through his fingers. He was going to talk with that blue-eyed god. And he was going to do it now, before it was too late! So he ran after the young man who exited the class like he was chased by a herd of zombies. Magnus had to admit, he was very shy. The way he tried to become one with the chair when Magnus caught his stare, and how he froze when the entire class turned toward him. Magnus had an odd feeling in that moment, like he wanted to hug him, to protect him from the curious looks of their classmates. _Those blue, blue eyes.._

He hurried down the hall.

Five seconds after he left the class, Alec heard a voice calling his name. Such a beautiful voice! It tickled his ears. How long had it been? Five, six months?

''Alec! Alec, wait a minute!''

Izzy? His Izzy? _Oh my God. Izzy!_ Alec turned around and almost got run over by a tall girl, with dark raven hair falling in cascades over her shoulders, with dark eyes shining from tears and joy. He pulled her closer, showing her how much he missed his little sister. He didn't want to let go. He wanted to keep her there, near him, to hear her heartbeat next to his, knowing she is alright.

''I love you, Izzy. God, how much I've missed you!'' Alec rarely said these words out loud.

''Stop it, you. Or else I am going to cry.''

''You already are.''

She let out a strange laughter. But she was thrilled to see him too. It was written all over her face.

''I've missed you too, but I'm here now. And I want to talk to you about..''

Isabelle was interrupted by another voice shouting in the hallway.

''Hey, blue-eyed boy!''

Alec froze. _No! This was not happening!_ This was a nightmare. _Someone wake him up!_ _Please, God, wake me up!_ , was all he could think in that second. He glanced over his sister looking for some sort of clue, to show him all this was in his imagination. But the moment he did it, he saw the smirk on her face and knew this was going to end very badly.

''I think he is talking to you. I mean...''

''No. No, he is not! Let's keep on walking''

''Hey, hey! Wait a minute!'' the guy kept on shouting.

''Alec, I'm telling you! He is talking about you. Let's wait for him!''

''No!'' Alec shouted so loud people passing through the hallway stopped to see what was going on.

The shiny boy was pushing now some students who were on his way, but the path was in rest cleared by the other people who stepped aside to let the hasty young man reach his destination. Some of them were smiling, and some were muttering something under their breath, disapproving this kind of behaviour, and some of them just didn't care, disturbed just for a second by the loud noise.

''Sorry,'' mumbled Alec toward the crowd of students. ''Just keep on walking, Izzy. _Keep._ _O_ _n_ _W_ _alking!''._

Alec tried to reach the door near him. He had only two more steps, when he felt a hot breath close to his ear. A shiver went down his spine.

''Didn't you hear me? I am sorry for the nickname, but I really didn't want to call you Mr Lightwood. I am Magnus,by the way.'' The boy was talking very fast and didn't even stop to catch his breath. Like it was more important for him to let Alec know what his name was than to breathe. This made Alec feel insecure. He didn't know how to react or even if he should. So instead of heading off to the door, as his initial plane was, he kept on staring at the man in front of him, like he was some kind of miracle, some kind of magic. In fact, to Alec, it really was. All this glitter, all this make-up and his beautiful smile which revealed his white and sharp teeth. His complexion was brown like the chocolate and he had a lean, tall body. He was even taller than Alec, which rarely happened. Alec also noticed he had a somewhat Asian appearance, due to the curve of his eyes. God, those eyes! Alec could get lost in all that light!

''Magnus Ba... '' the boy attempted to continue but he stopped for a minute, his eyes spotting Izzy, who was holding Alec by his elbow.

''Oh, oh. I am sorry. I mean not really, because you actually seemed to be...you know, back in our class, you really seemed...I thought you were, you know. But I must have been wrong...'' Now the boy looked shocked and somewhat amused by the awkward situation he found himself in. He tried to find his words, but nothing came.

''I am his sister,'' replied Izzy smiling knowingly to the two boys standing in front of her. Magnus let out a low _Oh_ , but the relief could _defin_ _i_ _t_ _e_ _ly_ be spotted on his figure.

''And I was just leaving'' she added. ''I'll call you, okay?'' She spoke to her brother.

''No. No. I mean yes,'' completed Alec to his sister quizzical look. ''What I am saying is that you don't have to leave. You can stay. _Please stay_ , said the look on his face.

''Nonsense. Don't you see this handsome man over here wants to talk to you?''

''Don't you dare!'', whispered he so only his sister could hear his threat. But Izzy already took off, not before she winked to her brother.

''So sorry for interrupting your conversation with your gorgeous sister, but..."

''Is this why you shouted like that? You wanted a date with her? You should have said so, because she just left and _I am not_ going to give you her number.'' Alec was talking too loud, drawing attention to them again. Magnus sensed a bit of anger in his tone, and didn't understand why.

''I don't want a date with anyone. I was just...'' He stopped for a minute not knowing how to continue. Was that disappointment in the other boy's eyes?

He was waiting for him, Magnus realized. He was waiting for Magnus to continue, staring at him like he did only minutes ago, in class. Magnus put on his heart breakable smile.

''I just wanted to introduce myself. You kind of cut me off earlier and we didn't get a chance to meet properly.''

''You ran down the hallway just to introduce yourself?''

 _Yes. Yes he did_ , Magnus thought. He did. And then he realized how stupid it sounded and he shuddered . And then he laughed.

''Of course not.'' He saw disappointment again on the other guy's face. Just for a second. Then it was replaced with resignation and maybe, if you looked harder, like Magnus was now, you could see relief. Relief that everything was exactly like it was suppose to be: ordinary, steady. ''I was hoping we could work together for the project the teacher was mentioning.''

''Yeah? I mean...That sounds...We could...'' The boy seemed very scared.

Magnus had a feeling that he wasn't watching a boy talking to him, but a bird locked in a cage. The young man looked terrified. He kept on pulling his sweater's sleeves and he was continuously checking the surroundings, checking if anyone was within earshot.

Everything was wrong, Magnus thought. The boy looked like the words hurt him. His expression showed that it took everything he had to keep this conversation going. A challenging he was certainly failing.

 _God, what is his problem?_ mused Magnus. This was wrong, he concluded.

''Look. You seem like you put in a lot of effort only to talk to me. If this makes you so uncomfortable, I will leave. I just-I don't want to push you or anything. It was a simple suggestion. You probably already have someone else in mind for the project. Just forget about it, okay? God...'' Magnus was perplexed. He always charmed the people around him with only a smile, but now, even if the boy had stared at his beauty for a long time, he felt insecure. He felt that his appearance was not enough. _Not this time_. No matter how hard he rose the corners of his mouth, in an attempt to win the inner battle his brain and soul were fighting in those moments, and trying in the same time to look as confident as he could, he didn't succeed. He looked at the boy in front of him who was scrutinizing Magnus. He was frowning as though he had a struggle of his own, not knowing how to act around such an exuberant person. But he was also watching Magnus with so much attention and for the first time he felt as though he needed to take it all off. _Layers off_ , a voice whispered in his brain.

But he knew he couldn't deal with these tricky feelings. He had had complicated. He didn't want it anymore. So he backed out, for the first time. Maybe this was not worth it.

Magnus laughed, a laughter full of sarcasm and turned around towards the door only two feet way from him. He was stopped by a hand grabbing his upper arm. The other man looked hurt and still frightened.

''Alec. My name is Alec,'' he whispered as though his words were too precious for anyone to hear but Magnus.

'' _Alec_ ,'' repeated Magnus. He loved the way this word wrapped itself around his tongue, struggling to come out way too soon then Magnus would have wanted. He wished he could keep it _in_ him, _only_ for him. ''Okay.'' And...the shield was off. And Magnus knew it shouldn't have been.

''And yes, we could work together for the project. If you still want to.''

''Okay. Okay.'' Magnus sounded so stupid. He knew that, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. Just as he couldn't thing of a way to wipe that silly smile which seemed to be stuck on his face. He gave himself a mental slap, realizing he might scare the guy if he kept that going.

''Tomorrow at five o'clock in the library?'' Alec asked.

''This week I am kind of busy. I just moved in this city and I have to unpack and clean my apartment and all that stuff. But maybe next week? Next Thursday?''

''Sounds good. Look, I really have to go now. My sister is waiting for me.''

''Yeah, sorry for that again. You go. See you.''

And with that he left, leaving behind a puzzled Alec.

* * *

Magnus didn't know how to feel about all of this. The way Alec had grabbed his elbow, he kept on holding it like Magnus was an anchor. _If only he knew_... Magnus shuddered again and dialed _one_ on his phone.

''Hey, sweetheart. Coming over after classes?''

''Of course.''

Catarina was standing in the kitchen, going through some old recipes she found back home, when they were packing their last things, before they left from Santa Monica.

Magnus arrived home home a good half an hour ago, took a shower and started to complain about the lack of food while narrated to Catarina how his first day of school was.

''So what did you say to him?''

''I told him I had to unpack and pushed our meeting for next Thursday.''

''Magnus, you and I both know that's a lie. You finished unpacking everything last week. _Believe me_ , I've noticed. I couldn't take a step in here, afraid not to brake my neck. And that mess was also the reason you had to cancel your party, and had it rescheduled for this week. So what's up? You never miss a chance of sleeping with a...good looking guy, you say?''

''Oh, no, dear. No. Good looking doesn't do him justice. He is _a god_. I think Aphrodite herself created him. And he doesn't know it, or he does, I can't really tell, because he seemed so struck that I was talking to him. He even asked me if I wanted his sister's phone number. He is that type of rolled-out-of-bed-sexy-shy boy, you know?''

Catarina laughed and kept going with her questioning.

''Okay. Okay. I get it. He is very hot. But why the adjournment, then?''

''I don't know. I just..''

But Magnus knew. He delayed it because he felt he needed some space. Being around Alec left him exhausted and he didn't know why. That's why he sort of hated the feeling. Still, he wanted that gorgeous man in his bed, and soon. But Alec was so frightened in the hallway, like the air itself hurt him.

''Hey, Magnus. Are you still there?''

''Yeah, I just zoned out for a little bit.'' He turned his eyes back to the woman standing in the kitchen and remembered how good it felt to have someone taking care of you all the time. He realized how lucky he was to have Catarina as his friend. She helped him overcome the worst time oh his life. Of course, it was still there, at least pieces of it, which will never go away, not completely, but her smile, her presence changed his mood instantly. He felt safe around her.

She leaned over the countertop and he could see her dark eyes, full of concern and love, trying to break through the shallow shell he always wore. But Magnus realized long ago she didn't have to try anymore. She was already tangled deep inside his soul.

''Magnus...'' Catarina's tone suddenly became very serious. ''I am warning you. I have a strange feeling about this. Just, be careful, okay?''

She had a concerning look all over her face. Magnus felt a rush of feelings taking control over him. He surrounded the countertop and came closer to her. He pulled Catarina into a very strong embrace.

''I will. I promise. Thank you for... being you.''

''Oh, sweetheart.'' She let go of him in order to look him in the eye. ''You know you don't have to thank me for anything. What are friends for?'' She smiled and turned to the kitchen cabinet looking for a pan.

''Now, don't tell me you'll actually be studying!''

''Oh, dear, of course we are. But i was thinking, instead of our history project, we could learn some _anatomy_...''

They both burst out in loud laughters and stopped only after ten minutes. The mood was light again, happiness floating in the air. Nothing could compare with having your best friend with you.

''Pancakes sounds good?''

* * *

''So, how did it go? Did you ask him out?''

Alec took a seat next to Izzy. He reached for the menu standing in the middle of the table. They were in a little Cafe just around the corner from the place where he parked his car this morning, on his way to his first class. After he talked to Magnus, he called Izzy and decided to meet with her in his lunch break. He had a two hour window between his classes. So here they were.

It took him a moment to realize what she was talking about.

''What?'' Alec looked a little frightened when she spoke the words, then turned around anxiously, checking if anyone heard his sister.

She noticed his reaction.

''Alec, nobody cares. Calm down. It's not like anyone in here is listening to us. They all mind their own businesses.'' She paused for a moment, waiting for Alec to relax.

But he didn't. He was still very tensed and kept on pulling his sweater's sleeves. She reached for his hands. They were colder than ice. She squeezed his wrists trying to reassure him everything was alright. The corners of his mouth barely moved, but the beginning of a smile was there, so that was a step forward. She kept on talking.

''So spill it. How was it?'' She lowered her voice just to please Alec.

''Was what?''

She raised her eyebrows.

''Izzy, he didn't want a date or anything. He wanted to talk about the history project. That's _all_.''

''It didn't look like that. And even if it did, the way he called for you in the hallway. What was it? I can't remember...''

''Blue-eyed boy. He called me _blue-eyed boy_.'' As he spoke, Alec's face turned red and his stomach made all kind of turns. In that moment, he could swear that butterflies were living inside him.

She smiled, but this time it was nothing mischievous about it. It was a pure smile, showing him how happy she really was.

Alec's shoulders dropped, indicating he had finally relaxed. And then he frowned, remembering something.

''Why are you here, anyway?''

Isabelle's expression changed.

''I'm here to talk to you about something. About our family.''

* * *

 **A/N: Okay. I hope you liked it, and I know the ending is kind of cheesy, but this chapter has already 4k+ words, so I had to end it.**

 **One more important thing. Magnus shuddered for five times in the last chapter. He did not shrugged, as I wrote. But yeah. This happens when you don't actually speak English. Lol. :))) I promise I will go back to the first chapter and rectify that later, because now I am so so tired. Hard week at school.**

 **Sorry it took this long to update, but better later than shittier, right? :)))) Again, I am sorry if there are any mistakes, but my native language is not English. This is a big challenge for me. Hope I won't fail. I am open to suggestions and you can review and tell me what you think. I am actually asking you to do it. :))**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. The characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

* * *

 **Song: _Feels like we only go backwards_ by _Tame Impala(_ playing as background music in the Coffee shop)**

Alec had a hard time understanding what was actually going on. At first he didn't even hear Isabelle's words. She had to repeat everything twice and he still didn't understand. Most probably he didn't want to believe it. _Their parents were getting a divorce._ He always knew things weren't perfect in their family, but from the fights he assisted when he was younger to a separation, there was a long way. So when did all of this happen? When had all fallen apart? _Where was he while it happened?_ was the more important question.

His eyes wondered around the little coffee shop as the anxiety started to kick in. What if he was indeed guilty? Was this all his fault, because he had been so absent in his last years of high school? He threw a glance towards his sister, hoping he would find an answer in her expression. But seeing her, her posture straight, watching him with hopeful and shiny eyes, looking very beautiful and very young only managed to bring back some of his old memories.

And he remembered. He remembered the way she helped him get back on his feet, a few years ago. She had been there for him, guiding and encouraging him. He suddenly realized he owed this to her. He had to at least try and be stronger. He was the older brother, after all. So he let go of his sweater's sleeves and decided to think about all of those later, when he was alone in his room, where he would boil all the flour and most probably find himself guilty. Because right now, this was not about him. This was about their family, and family meant responsibility. He couldn't go back in time, and change the way he acted back then. But he could be here _now_ , for those who needed him. And Isabelle clearly did. So he decided to focus on what was worrying both of them the most:Max. What was going to happen to their little brother who had to go through all of this at such a fragile age?

"What about Max?"

"Mom is moving out from the house. Max is going to live with her from what I've heard. I don't know much. They called me, said there was something urgent to discuss, and when I got there they were fighting and shouting. I had to take Max out of there as soon as possible. I thought he would be scared, but he just said this happened on a regular basis. Alec, he wasn't even scared anymore. He got used to it. And that is not normal. An eleven-year old shouldn't _get used to it_!" She paused for a moment, catching her breath and trying to calm herself down. "We took a walk to his school. We talked a lot: about his friends, his teachers, his hobbies. It was a nice talk, Alec. And he actually looks happy, in some sort of way. He has some friends, though not many. He goes to some karate and swimming classes. He likes poetry, did you know that?" Alec gave a disapproving nod and Isabelle continued. "He seems resigned with the situation of our family, but there is something that bothers him." She looked very sad, almost like she felt sorry for Alec. But it lasted only for a brief second, because when Alec looked over to her she just shrugged and kept going on with her story. "Anyway, when we got back, the atmosphere wasn't a very pleasant one. There was so much tension in there, you could probably cut it with a knife. But at least they weren't screaming anymore. I sent Max upstairs to watch some cartoons and mom,dad and I sat down and talked about it, reluctantly."

"About what?" As soon as he asked Alec realized what a stupid question it was. "I mean, what led to the divorce? What happened?"

"I shouldn't be the one telling you all of this. It's not my story to tell." She let out a sigh. "You really should talk to mom and dad. They would like you to hear this from them."

"You know just as well as I do that that's a very big lie, Isabelle. If they really wanted to talk to me, they would have called both of us, and we wouldn't be here, having this conversation. And I wouldn't have all these questions. It's all so sudden... I don't understand

Izzy took a deep breath.

"Then understand this, Alec. _I_ am the one who doesn't want to talkabout it. I hate reliving this over and over again. I am tired of it and I won't do it, Alec. I am sorry, but this time you have to get your crap back together and _go talk_ to our parents _."_ Her tone was not harsh or mean. She just sounded tired, which was something very unusual for Isabelle. She was always full of energy, ready to party and stay up all night dancing with cute boys. That image brought a smile on Alec's face and with that he decided to end the conversation there. He was completely sure he was not going to talk to his parents, but at least he could give Izzy a break. She must have been tired from the long ride and from what she had to go through with Maryse and Robert.

A second later, a waitress approached them and set two cups of coffee on the table. Alec didn't remember ordering anything so he gazed at Izzy with a very questioning look.

"I ordered a little something before you got here. It's black. Your favourite." She smiled towards him so he mouthed a "thank you" before he lowered his nose in order to take in all the mesmerizing flavors coming out from his hot cup of coffee. He just loved the smell of black simple coffee. It calmed him down. His body relaxed and he took a sip.

Silence descended upon them and for a few minutes they just sat there, enjoying their drinks and smiling at each other from time to time. Isabelle ordered a Frappe for her, coated with extra cream so she had white drops all over her nose and on her upper lip. Alec leaned over the table and wiped it away with a soft napkin. Before he returned to his sit he pressed her nose with his thumb, while laughing playfully. He let out a strange, lovely sound, almost like a giggle.

Izzy just watched him, a small blush covering her face. Alec returned to his drink, but she kept on watching her brother, analyzing his features. He looked slightly different from the last time she saw him. That was five months ago. His features seemed to have hardened. It didn't make him look any less beautiful, only more rigid, more confident in himself.

And for the first time in forever, she felt protected again, like she felt so many times when she was younger and around her brothers. Especially around Alec who was very protective of her. Sometimes he would exaggerate and wouldn't let her leave the house with a certain outfit. One time he even punched a boy, because he thought he took advantage of his little sister. In fact, Izzy was the one dragging him in the bedroom, kissing him like there was no tomorrow, seducing the poor boy to the point he couldn't stand on his feet anymore. So he stumbled on the bed, pulling Isabelle over him and filling her up like a horny teenager that he was. She couldn't complain, but something else could be said about Alec, who entered the room in that exact same moment. She smiled warmly, remembering those days.

But she knew she had to tell him the other news. The ones she was very excited about. But she didn't know how Alec would react, so Isabelle felt insecure. For a moment she even thought about not telling him. Seconds later, the words just fell from her lips.

"Mom is moving somewhere nearby. And Max is going to live with her. In fact, we all are going to be here," she whispered.

Alec nearly choked with his coffee.

"What?" I - what do you even mean? All of Max's friends are in Philadelphia. He can't just move and leave it all behind. He's barely eleven years old. I...I don't understand," he almost shouted.

"Alec, keep it down!"

"You said _all_? Do you mean Jace is coming home? Where is Jace now, anyway? Last time I spoke to him he had a game in London. And he didn't even bother responding my phone calls _or_ e-mails. Can someone please tell me what the hell is actually going on? What do you mean you are going to live here? Why am I the last one to hear about this?" Alec hated this. All of it was so sudden. He wasn't good with changes. He had a very organized program, a very organized life. Otherwise he was going to lose it, and he really didn't want to. Not know, when everything was coming back together. Slowly and in pieces. But _back together_.

So he felt scared when his sister mentioned they were all going to live in New York. This was all too much. Family here meant secrets revealed and losing the last persons he truly cared about. Because if Isabelle was so understanding, the rest of his family... well, not so much! _God, Jace will hate him_ _!_ And what kind of role model would Alec be for Max? Not to mention the fact that his parents won't be able to look him in the eyes. No, this couldn't happen. He felt the ground crashing under his feet. This was too much.

He stood up and looked over to Izzy, who was very confused. His hands were starting to shake.

"I am sorry," he mumbled under his breath and then stormed out of the coffe shop.

"Alec! Wait! What the hell?" Izzy shouted behind him. By the time she reached the door and pushed it open, he was already in his car, driving away from there.

She sighed and returned to her table, but changed her mind and headed towards the counter to pay for their drinks. She opened her bag, looking for her wallet. It wasn't there.

"Oh, shit! That's just great!" She kept on searching for it at the bottom of her Chanel handbag, but in vain. She must have left it in the car when she ordered something from Starbucks, on her way here. "At least you could have paid before you left! I don't have a job yet!"she mumbled more for herself than for someone in particular.

"It's okay. I got this. Here, let me pay for you. I have a job since forever." The boy who talked must have been only a year or two older than Isabelle and he was wearing a faded _MADE IN BROOKLYN_ T-shirt _._ His glasses were encircling his big brown eyes. His hair was going in all directions and no matter how hard he tried to arrange it with his hand, it was still ruffled. She let out a giggle.

"Yeah? Well, thanks." She wasn't surprised in the slightest. She was actually used to boys asking for her number or offering to pay for her. It happened all the time back home so it was just normal for it to happen here too. After all, she was a rare beauty. Dark hair and tall figure, a heartbreaker who would walk all over someone in high-heeled boots, while smiling.

The boy grinned at her and paid:

"Though you should really get a job. Next time you might not be that lucky," he added while laughing slightly.

"Oh, is that so? I was lucky that _you_ were here?" she replied tapping his chest with one of her fingers.

"Duh..."

She paused for a moment, almost surprised by his daring answer and then leaned closer to his ear, almost touching his cheek with her red lips. "In that case, thank you again." Her breath smoothed his cheek and a shiver went down his spine.

She turned around and walked away, making a loud sound when placing her high-heeled boots on the pavement of the coffee-shop. The sound echoed in the boy's ears, who stood stock still for more than ten seconds after the girl had left his side. He watched the door closing, still feeling the scent of a very sweet perfume all around him.

After a few more seconds he returned to his table, where a red-headed girl was scratching something in her notebook. When he tossed himself in his chair, she looked up to him and smiled.

"So, what's up with the girl? She was really pretty."

"She was, wasn't she?" the boy responded, but immediately waved his hands dismissively. "I don't even care."

"Simon, what do you mean by _I don't care_? At some point you have to date someone."

"I know, I'm just waiting for the right person to notice me."

"You could wait forever. Sometimes you have to make the first move. And you didn't even have to. The girl was clearly flirting with you."

"Forever, huh?" The boy frowned and then took a deep breath. "Clary," he began but stopped for a second to think about what he was going to say. They've been best friends since forever. If he dropped a bomb like this it may ruin their friendship, and he could not have that. Just the thought of losing Clary made his heart ache. And with that thought in mind, forever didn't feel like such a burden anymore. How could it, when he was able to stay by her side, her smile shining brightly just for him and her hand entwined with his while walking through New York? He didn't need anything more, did he? "She wasn't flirting with me and she wasn't my type anyway. Also, she was kind of mean, acting as though she had the world to her feet."

"I know. I heard what she said to you." She paused for a minute adding something to her drawing. I am sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." And she truly was. Simon could see it all over her face just as he could notice how careful she was when talking about this subject. "What's up with everyone this day, anyway?"

"It must be the first day of school. You know, the excitement, the thrill, the paper work which never ends, the free time... We all love school." the boy responded in a sarcastic tone, gesturing with his hands. The girl started to laugh.

"Shut up, Simon. Or else I am going to choke with my apple pie." She continued to laugh for a few more seconds, gathering the remains of her dessert from her plate and licking her fingers. The boy was amused by her gesture and watched her every move, being mesmerized by only her presence. "By the way, have I told you about the boy from this morning - the one with the loud music?"

"Yeah, twice, actually."

"God, he pissed me off!"

"He _was_ listening to Queen."

"I give you that," she replied and started to scratch something on her notebook, but she wasn't pleased with the result so she erased everything and started it over.

Simon leaned over the the table to take a look at her drawing, but she pulled it closer to her, blocking his view.

"No, no, no. It's _a surprise_ ," she explained while grinning towards him. And with that she took her notebook and shoved it in her backpack. Simon reached for his and pulled out a colorful piece of paper.

"So, there's this party on Saturday night and I was thinking maybe we could go, you know, to loosen up a bit."

"Simon, school has barely started and you already want to party?" She was joking, of course, because after that she added with a grin "But sure, why not? Where is it?"

"It"s way back in Brooklyn. The flyer says it's at Magnus Bane's place, but I really don't know who this guy is. Jordan gave me the paper. I have a strange feeling that this Magnus guy doesn't have a clue about how many people will _actually_ _be_ there.

"That"s what you get when you throw a party at the beginning of the school year. _Everybody_ wants to come," added Clary while laughing quitely.

"So I'll come pick you up by – let's say nine o'clock?"

"Yes. It's a date," she replied, without noticing the blush which spread on the boy's face who couldn't stop smiling. "By the way, how's your new song going?" she wondered.

"Nah... not so great. Something's missing and I can't put my finger on it." He frowned for a moment but let it go the second after that. "Let's stop talking about my failures and go buy something to eat. I'm _starving_. Do you wanna grab a pizza on our way to my place? We can eat it while we watch a movie."

She approved with a nod of her head. "Matrix?"

"Matrix."

They stepped out into the rain, walking shoulder to shoulder and from time to time shoving each other playfully and laughing at their inner jokes.

Fiery read haired girl and boy in love.

* * *

 **Song: _The Funeral_ by _Band of Horses_ (ughh...love this song! It starts in this chapter and continues in the next one)**

The next few days rolled around pretty fast and uneventful but, as Friday was approaching, Alec realized he couldn't avoid everyone anymore. Izzy had called him more than ten times and even stopped by his door, but he wasn't there to let her in, so she left a note saying they needed to talk right away. He then sand a message letting her now he would talk when he would have the time. He kept on delaying it since then, but today was it. He knew he had to talk to her and explain why he left her in the middle of their conversation, leaving with no explanation but a terrified look on his face.

It was all his fault, he concluded after hours of thinking about everything his sister had said to him. Of course he knew nothing about their family's situation. Because he'd never been there. Looking back to his high school years, he could remember a lot of parties, a lot of alcohol, a lot of crying over his heartache and some fights with Jace and Isabelle. Between these, there were glimpses of long walks he used to take with Max and hours spent at their kitchen table helping him with his Math homework. There war long hours spent at shopping marathons with Jace and Izzy and sleepless nights spent in front of their TV, with bowls full of popcorn and Oreos. But just a small part of this was entirely true, because he was always trying to hide away his pain, his true self. Because everyone would hate him if they knew the truth.

All the hiding, the lies and the sneaking away at nights to meet with Sebastian caused a departure from his family. At the time being he couldn't realize, but when Sebastian left, he found himself being alone. It wasn't exactly someone's fault. Isabelle was always trying to talk to him and find out what was wrong, but he kept his feelings for himself because he could find no language to describe them in; Jace had tried in his clumsy way to approach him and maybe set him up with one of his Barbie dolls; and his parents kept their distance, being totally unaware of how they should talk to their own son.

Sometimes he felt surrounded by a bubble keeping him away from those whom he loved and he wasn't sure he wanted to remove it. Inside the bubble he could control everything and, as long as nothing would penetrate through it, he would be somewhat safe. As long as no shiny man would throw his arms inside it, trying to pull him out, he would be safe.

A knock at the door brought Alec back to reality.

At first Alec thought he might not even answer, but the knock intensified so he got up and headed to the door.

"I got your message. I am coming. God! It's barely 7 in the morning!" Alec mumbled under his breath.

He opened the door while mumbling something else which was incomprehensible. And then he saw who was standing in front of his room.

"Oh," was all he could say.

 _At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral_

 _At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral_

* * *

 **A/N: Soooo...what do you think about this chapter? Who do you think is at the door? I will post the next chapter after I have at least one review. I really want and need to now what you guys think about this story.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to Cassandra Clare**

* * *

 **Song:** _ **The Funeral**_ **by** _ **Band of Horses**_ **(as mentioned in the previous chapter)**

"Hello, Alec."

 _No. He is actually here. No._

He stopped breathing for a second and watched the boy in front of him.

 _I'm coming up only to hold you under_

 _I'm coming up only to show you're wrong_

Hecould not move from where he was standing.

The gold-haired boy was watching him, with his shiny eyes piercing through the deep blue sea living inside Alec's. He disliked the storm that this particular waves of light produced.

After a few more seconds of staring and trying to understand what was going on, he let go of the air he was holding inside his lungs and glanced towards Jace. There was no point in refusing to accept the truth. His brother was here, in New York and everything from that moment on would take an unexpected turn. Realization hit him. Even if Isabelle had told him what was going to happen, seeing his brother in front of his room made it undeniably real. He was so scared that their return meant reliving those days. He looked at Jace one more time. The boy was watching Alec with a questioning look, asking for permission to walk in, swinging back and forth not knowing what to do or say. He had an allure of vulnerability Alec hadn't seen in a long time. Memories and moments shared with his brother flashed in front of Alec's eyes and he let out one more sigh.

He opened the door.

Because even though he felt his chest tightening from emotion and anxiety, this was _his brother_. Even though he knew this meant hiding and lying again to his family, he couldn't stop the rush of emotion which invaded him. After almost a year of texting and talking on the telephone from time to time, here he was, standing in Alec's small room, his golden hair shining brightly in the dim light coming from the window, his eyes watching Alec with intensity. He could see the beginning of a smile at the corners of his mouth. His expression was hard to read, but Alec could see the same longing that was always present in his own soul too. He missed his brother. He missed his bold behavior and his stupid jokes. He missed the way Jace was used to hide behind his recklessness although Alec could see through it. He could see how Jace was so scared to let anyone too close so he wrapped himself in shallow shells. Everyone is, after all, putting up walls around their heart. Jace's were just more powerfully built than the ones of anyone else.

Jace stepped into the room and placed his bag onto the floor. He looked at Alec for a couple of seconds. His smile was now wider. Alec still didn't know what to do, but Jace's moments of awkwardness had passed and now assurance was taking its place. He leaned towards Alec and gave him a strong embrace while tapping his back.

"Hey there, big brother. Long time no see. Kind of missed you." said Jace when he let go.

"Kind of? I expected a long declaration of love," replied Alec but he was undeniably kidding. Awkwardness was slowly fading away and Alec remembered he enjoyed spending time with his brother, especially when they were younger and more innocent, when they played video games or watched Christmas movies with Isabelle on their living room couch, eating ice cream and teasing each other. He even missed going to parties with them and having to actually carry both of them back home because they were too drunk to walk. Being their older brother made Alec feel like he had a purpose: protect the ones you love. He missed those moments but also tried to stay away from the past. He wanted his family near him. He wanted it _so_ much! But he also wanted to be himself around them, and that was not possible.

Jace was now analyzing his room.

"How the hell are you able to live in this tiny box? Can you breathe in here?"

"Yes, Jace. I can breathe for I am standing right now in front you. I am not dead," replied Alec in a sarcastic tone.

"If the lack of space hasn't killed you yet, college sure will."

"Yeah, some of us have to actually study to have a career. You are the lucky one, you know? You have your soccer and you are nailing it." Both of them were laughing now. "How was the game, by the way?"

Jace was about to respond when Alec cut him off, rolling his eyes.

"Wait. Don't answer that, actually. Isabelle told me all about it. You won. Now I don't have to hear you bragging about it this entire day! "

Jace acted as if Alec didn't just warn him not to talk about the game. He was sitting on the bed now, already making himself comfortable, while Alec was pacing the floor and then tossing himself in the chair next to his desk.

"Actually, _my team_ won and _I_ scored the winning goal," added Jace with a huge grin on his face.

"Oh, God. You've got to be kidding me!" added Alec rolling his eyes again but laughing nonetheless.

"Talking about Isabelle. She called me. _Multiple_ times. She said you two argued about something and you won't talk to her."

At this, Alec's expression became serious.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to her. I've been really busy lately. I had to move out in a different dorm so the students from the first year would be closer to the actual school's building. College policy. And as you mentioned earlier, college _is_ murdering me. I already have a ton of projects and at least 500 pages to read and learn by the end of the month. But I like what I am studying and I don't want to ease down now. So I really don't have any free time."

"Stop making lame excuses. You could have at least called her."

"Look who's talking. You didn't answer to my e-mails, phone calls _o_ _r_ messages."Alec stood up, pointing an accusatory finger towards his brother, but his tone remained calm. These altercations were something ordinary for them. Wanting to spend some time apart from his family was one thing but not talking to them for months was something else.

"We have to go," replied Jace, ignoring Alec's statement and jumping from the bed right next to the door.

"Where?" Alec was confused, _again_. This happened more and more often since his siblings arrived in New York.

"To Isabelle. She's waiting for us."

Alec opened his mouth to say something, closed it and then opened it again. But nothing came out.

"Well, you are not the only one who's moving in," explained Jace after he saw the bewildered look on Alec's face.

But this confused Alec even more. Everything was happening so fast. After he talked to Isabelle on Monday he came to the conclusion that she must have either applied for this college or she didn't apply at all. But he didn't have time to ask and he hadn't seen her on the hallway nor in any of the classes. He was in his second year and he was studying History, but sometimes students had to choose some optional subjects and he thought she would choose History or Latin because their parents were so passionate about these things and when they were little Hodge used to teach them these subjects. But he hadn't seen her since that day in the coffee shop so he assumed she must have taken a year off because it was the beginning of the school year and she was still in New York. Someone had to explain to him what the hell was going on.

"What do you mean she's moving in? Where is she moving? I have classes in less than an hour. I can't go to her right now. I will talk to her _when_ I'll have the time!" This had to stop right now. All these people telling him what to do and making a mess of his organized program were getting on his nerves!

Jace didn't respond to him, exited the room and kept on walking down the hall. "I am not going anywhere until you explain this to me, Jace! I am serious! I had enough of all this secrecy! First Isabelle comes to New York and announces our parents' divorce and then you walk in my room and tell me...what, more excatly?" Alec lowered his voice immediately as he realized he was shouting and people were opening their doors to see what was the fuss about at such an early hour in the morning.

"Alec, keep it down, will you?" Jace was now returning to Alec's room, trying to calm down his brother and urging people to go back to their rooms. "I know you are right. But calm down for a second, okay? If you wouldn't have left Isabelle in the middle of your conversation – which _by the way_ , I know all about and she was _very_ furious when she told me about it - you would know she applied for this college so we could all be here together. And she is moving in the dorm which you - second year students - just released " added Jace while gesturing towards his brother.

Alec watched him for a few more seconds, realizing Jace's explanation made everything blurrier.

"A year ago she said she was going to apply from some college in New Hampshire. I knew that was no longer the case when I saw her here, in New York. I guess all this separation thing..." Divorce sounded too harsh for Alec and it was clear how unpleasant it was for him to talk about it. Alec moved away from his room's threshold , locked the door and headed towards Jace.

"You should really talk to Isabelle. I don't know much myself and she'll be really pissed off if she won't have the chance to explain all this herself," added Jace when Alec finally made it close enough so they could talk in a lower voice. Alec's voice had already woken up enough people.

"Let's just...walk. The dormitory for the first year students is a few blocks away." Alec was really not up for all of this. Last year was a very quite one. It was hard for him at the beginning to adjust to new classmates and teachers, but he loved what he studied. He had spent his evenings in the library studying for all his projects and preparing for every possible test and he spent his nights reading or going to the gym. This is how he managed to detach from everything. This is how he allowed himself a second chance, even though he wasn't sure he deserved one. But being away from home was relieving. He was able to spend his time the way he wanted, with no one to give explanations to, with no one to hide from. He was on his own and he was actually better than he had been in years. It gave him the reassurance he needed to keep going.

But now, two of the persons he loved most in this world came in and disturbed his peace. And what was he supposed to do? Chase them away? He glanced backwards and saw he had been walking faster, leaving Jace behind. He stopped and waited for him while he watched the sun rising higher on the blue, pale sky. He took a deep breath, calming himself. The fresh air rushed in his lungs and he felt the cold trail it left behind on his throat.

Breathe in...and out...

He was going to talk to Isabelle and clear things up. Even with his family in town he could still find a way to go on. _He had to._

He felt a pat on his back as Jace reached him. His brother looked as though he was deepened in his own thoughts and when he glanced over to Alec he had a concerned look on his face. Alec wanted to ask him what was wrong but instead he told him to hurry, because he had classes in less than an hour. So they both kept on walking towards their sister's dormitory.

* * *

Isabelle's room was very close to the one in which Alec used to live last year. He leaned closer to the door, intending to knock, then hesitated. Then intended to knock again. What was he suppose to say? He had to apologize for the way he acted but also for so much more. What was he supposed to begin with?

Before he could give it any more thoughts, Jace opened the door and shouted.

"We are here, Izzy!"

"I'm coming. Wait just one second!" she shouted from where Alec supposed was her bathroom.

Alec took the opportunity to examine her room. It was considerably bigger than the one he was living in now and just about the same as his old one. Her bed had white clean sheets and her closet – which was only two feet away from the bed - was open. Alec couldn't stop from rolling his eyes at the sight of her clothes. No human being should be allowed to buy _that_ many! Some make-up products were spread on her desk along with some notebooks and pencils. There was tie on the desk. _A man's tie_. That - Alec was sure - was not supposed to be there. He turned around to Jace and pointed toward the piece of clothing standing on the writing table.

Jace removed the tie from Alec's sight and placed a hand on his btother's shoulder.

"Drop it, Alec. At least for now. She _is_ ninteen."

" _Exactly!_ She is _nineteen,_ " Alec whispered back, although Jace could tell it was very hard for him to remain calm.

Jace looked at his brother, his eyebrows hitting his hairline. "Really, Alec? Raise your hand if you were _such an angel_ at nineteen."

Isabelle came out of her bathroom with a towel wrapped around her head, a few strands of hair encircling her face.

The look on both her brother's faces said _conversation over._

"Well, what were you two talking about? I heard some whispers." The moment she finished her sentence she spotted the tie in Jace's hand, even if he tried to hide it from Alec behind his back. "Oh, give me that. I have to return it."

"To whom?" asked Alec.

Jace cleared his throat. "Alec."

"Oh, never mind. I don't even want to know. I might kill him if I know him!"

"Alec!" this time the voices belonged to both Izzy and Jace.

"I was kidding," said Alec, although the look on his face said he wasn't.

Isabelle looked at him for a second and her features softened.

"I thought you won't come - I thought Jace couldn't convince you to."

Alec approached her.

"Jace didn't have to convince me to do anything." Now he was very serious and the tie incident slipped quickly in the back of his mind. It was more important to solve things with his sister. "I _was_ going to talk to you. I told you I would. I just...needed a few moments to breathe and calm down. It was all so sudden and unexpected. It still is. I'm sorry I left like that. I mean, on Monday. I am sorry I left and I'm sorry I didn't explain why later."

"It's fine, Alec. I am not mad anymore, although some boy had to pay for our drinks and that was weird." She said the word _weird_ , but the beginning of a smile could be spotted on her face.

Alec's face dropped when he heard Izzy's words and when he realized what she jus said.

"Oh my God! Oh, I'm so so sorry. I completely forgot! I'm such an idiot!"

"Yes, _you are_. Because you didn't wait for me to finish all I had to say a few days ago and I bet you left from there with more questions then you already had. And for that _I_ am sorry. I shouldn't have scared you off like that with all of those news. This is why I asked Jace to bring you here. So we could talk. All three of us," added Isabelle with a very serious look on her face. Alec knew this was going to be a long talk.

* * *

Half an hour later, Alec left Isabelle's room finally understanding what happened - at least the majority of it. Apparently Izzy would not tell him what caused their parents' divorce and Alec couldn't tell whose fault it was because his sister seemed very upset with both Maryse and Robert. So he decided that he would have to talk to his parents, eventually, but that could wait. As for Isabelle, she applied to The Institute College not only because it meant that she would be closer to her family, which she had to admit was a pretty strong reason, but also because she found their program much more interesting than the one from Dartmouth College. And because this was in _freaking New York_ and you could not say _no_ to New York. She actually applied for this college at the beginning of her senior year, without telling anyone and when she received her acceptance letter she took the opportunity without thinking about it twice. This surprised Alec a bit. He thought of the way she planned all of this since the beginning of the last year - she wanted to study in the same city as her brother even before their parents got in such a big fight. It made him think that maybe his family wasn't planning on ruining his life, but maybe planning on going on with their own. And Isabelle just needed his support, she needed someone to lean on from time to time. Alec didn't know if he was capable of keeping _himself_ standing let alone hold someone else. But he was going to try, for his sister. Speaking with her and clearing some things up made Alec feel like he was in control of his own life again and everything was slowly turning to its ordinary course.

He was shook back into reality when he realized he was walking towards his _old_ room instead of heading towards the exit. A few more steps and he reached the door to the well known chamber. It was just a few doors away from Isabelle's room. The door was cracked open and Alec could see that no one was in there, which was unusual because this dorms were always full and some students had to buy crappy apartments in town if they wanted to study at this college. Alec was one of the first students who got accepted last year so his place had been insured from the beginning.

He took the opportunity and opened the door a little bit more so he could take a peek inside his old room. Same old white walls. Same bed only without his dark-blue sheets. The desk was now empty, not stuffed with books and notebooks and black highlighters. But something was different and Alec couldn't put his finger on it. He lived there the previous year. _Literally_ lived there, because he never left his room a year ago – only to go to the library - and he wasn't planning on doing it this year. So he should be able to tell the difference, but there was something unsettling about it, something that may seem insignificant to someone else, but not to Alec. Either way, it wasn't something that he should care about. He didn't have the time to think about it because he suddenly realized he had to get back to his new room if he wanted to take a shower before classes. He looked quickly at his phone and saw that he had less than half an hour to get ready. So he turned around, shoving his phone back into his pajamas pants.

 _Oh. My. God._

 _How the hell did he leave_ _the_ _room in his pajamas pants?_ He had to return to his dorm - and quickly!

He stopped looking at his so called outfit and headed straight to the exit. He saw that someone was walking down the hall exactly in his directions.

 _God, this can't get any worse!_ _h_ e thought as he started to walk faster, looking only at the floor in an attempt to hide away his embarrassment. Maybe they won't notice his strange choice of clothes. _Or_ his ruffled hair. At least he could hope so.

But he was wrong! It could get worse!

Because as the student was approaching, Alec decided to look at him so he would know whom he should avoid for the rest of his college years and that's when he realized he could identify the guy. And Alec knew in that moment that the universe decide to punish him for something known only by its divine forces.

Because walking down the hall was no other than _Magnus Bane._

 _Of course_ _it's him!_ Alec stopped thinking, breathing and walking. He stood there, shocked to his core, as Magnus was getting closer and becoming aware of Alec's presence.

In the next second, Alec turned around and started to walk very fast towards God-knows-where.

 _Okay. Think! You can go to Izzy's room._

 _No. That's a very bad idea!_ She would start asking questions because he just left her room a moment ago.

No, that was not an option. He had to go somewhere else.

He remembered that no one was actually living in his old room so he walked straight over there, closing the door with a loud noise behind him when he reached his hiding place. His chest felt like it was going to explode. He rested his back against the door and tried to calm his breathing.

 **Song: _Sail_ by _Awolnation_ (I'm assuming you already know the song but you _absolutely_ have to listen to it while reading this paragraph. LISTEN TO IT!)**

"Breathe, Alec, breathe," he kept repeating to himself. He stepped away from the door and began to walk aimlessly around the room, thinking about what had just happened.

He realized the stupidity of his actions after a few seconds. This was so childish! What was wrong with him? If he kept on hiding in this room he would miss his first class. Magnus probably didn't even see him and he was running away for no reason – or so he liked to believe, because it was easier than to admit he was more than intrigued by the glittering man and it scared him in a way.

He took one more breath, deciding to stop this foolish behavior and reached for the door. He opened it attempting to get out of there as soon as possible, preferably with no one noticing his strange behavior. But the moment he took a step out of the room, someone else bumped into him.

Someone who shoved him back in. Someone who emanated a rich, deep and powerful smell. A perfume which surrounded Alec and when he breathed it in, he could actually feel his muscles softening, his heart receiving the much wanted flavored oxygen and spreading it all inside his body. He felt his veins filling with this presence – blood no longer needed.

Alec could actually _feel_ Magnus under his skin. They were standing very close to each other so Alec could actually sense Magnus' body shape even if they weren't touching. He wasn't brave enough to make eye contact so his eyes were staring at Magnus' body while his own chest was moving dangerously fast. He stared at the curve of his neck and at the edge of his jaw. A strange feeling of yearning sparkled inside him and he let out an instinctive and soft moan. Immediately after that, his cheeks erupted in a deep, flaming blush and he looked up at Magnus. His eyes were still closed and a soft smile warmed his features but he opened them immediately after he heard the sound coming from Alec's throat. His eyes widened and changed colours. Now they were bright yellow with sparkles of green. Magnus looked taken aback and Alec thought he could see in the other man's eyes the same hunger that was growing inside him.

As he realized the effect that only his presence had on Alec, the other guy's features changed and Magnus was now moving like a feline surrounding his prey. He had an odd grin spread all over his face and in that moment Alec's attitude shifted. His body tensed and his features hardened. He was trying to resist to the urge that was growing inside him with every moment that passed. He was trying to take control over the situation but without realizing it, he was playing Magnus' game. Because in the following moment Alec was pressed against the door, trapped between the rough wood material and a long, lean body. Alec's breath was coming out very fast and his heart was racing inside his chest. He felt his throat drying, stopping the other moan from coming out.

Magnus's head moved around Alec's neck breathing him in. His eyes were closed and his smirk widened. He let out a laughter when Alec tried to push him away and pressed his hands harder into the door. Alec was now trapped in a cage consisting of a body emanating desire from his every pore and a hard surface which was all that kept him standing – because he wasn't sure he could rely on his knees anymore.

Magnus' lips dropped to Alec's ear, finally finding the space they were so desperately looking for.

"Are you lost, little blue-eyed boy?" As he spoke he opened his eyes. His breath was hot against Alec's neck and a shiver went down Alec's spine when he felt soft lips barely touching his earlobe. He couldn't look Magnus in the eye so he fixed his gaze on the other guy's neck. Alec could feel and see his blood racing too. He wasn't the only one excited.

"I was just..." Alec tried to speak, but when he moved his lips he was feeling as though the distance between their bodies was becoming dangerously small. He tried again, but his words were barely audible. "I was just heading towards my room."

"Is that so?" Magnus leaned over Alec, but their bodies were not touching yet. "It just happens that I was heading towards mine and I found _you_ in it."

Alec's heart plummeted. He had to get out of there and the only way that was possible was if he moved his body. He stepped away from the door and implicitly closer to Magnus. For a moment their faces were so close that Alec could actually see his own reflection in the other one's eyes. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath while reaching for the door knob behind him.

Magnus' lips were near his and he could almost feel their sweet taste on his own. He hesitated, temptation drawing him closer and reason pushing him away. He took a few steps back, exiting the room and leaving behind a very puzzled Magnus. Alec could practically see the other man's expression changing from pure lust to discomfiture. He walked down the hall with a huge smile on his face, a strange feeling in his heart, with shaking knees that barely kept him standing and trying to hide away his arousal from the glares of the other students.


	5. Chapter 5

The following day was Saturday so after he took a cold and quick shower, Alec had planned on spending the day in the library till six o'clock when the building's door were closing and maybe later he would meet with Isabelle and Jace and they could go somewhere to eat dinner or watch a movie. He still didn't know till when was Jace planning to stay in NYC so he decided to ask him that today. From what he heard, Jace's coach gave them a few weeks off after they won the game in London but they were going back to training as soon as the football season started. And Alec had no idea when was that. So he would spend as much time as possible with his brother.

He made sure he changed from his pajamas in some decent clothes so he wouldn't repeat the incident from last morning. Images from the previous day invaded his mind. Magnus. Magnus' scent. His movements and his eyes. Alec's chest tightened.

 _ _Yes. Let's go to the library.__ Studying and reading will keep his mind busy.

That powerful scent still followed him. Now he could tell what was strange with his old room. It smelled like Magnus. Alec's _thoughts_ smelled like Magnus.

 _ _Library, Alec. Go to the library.__

He reached the building's door in less than ten minutes. He stepped in and it felt like the right place to be in. __Yes, let's spend the day here__ _._ Alec walked to the librarian's office and the man smiled when he recognized him.

"Hello, Mr. Lightwood. How are you feeling today?"

 _ _Distracted__ _._ "Fine, Mr Garroway. I am fine and prepared to study." It sounded more like Alec was trying to convince himself. "You?"

"You know, the usual. I am trying to get hold on some new books that the school needs this year. Oh, and by the way, we found the book you were asking for a few weeks ago? You still want it, right?"

"Oh, yes. Thank you very much. I will complete the chart and...can you send someone with the book to my usual place?"

"My pleasure. I shall send my daughter. She helps me around on Saturday mornings. "

"That's great." Alec smiled politely and went to his seat. He loved to study by the window. From time to time he would take a break and watch the people from the campus. All that movement and energy specific for a weekend night – all that going on just under his feet. He felt safe inside this ancient building made of wood and stone, between the old and hard covers of the books, between the soothing sound of turned pages. Time stopped for him when he was in the library while the world outside kept on spinning.

His thoughts were interrupted by a girl who slowly placed a book on his desk.

"Quo Vadis, right?"

He lifted his head from the book he was currently reading and thanked the girl in front of him. She had fiery red hair and she was very tiny. He waited for her departure, but she was standing there, watching him with a curious look.

"Sorry to interrupt you, but do I know you? I feel like I know you."

"Um...not from what I know. I's sorry but I don't recognize you at all." He was puzzled and not pleased by the disturbance she was causing.

"Uh, okay. Sorry," she whispered as she walked away. She seemed like she took the hint.

Hours passed and five o'clock rolled around while Alec was still deepened in his readings. That's when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out slowly, his eyes still on the book he was holding in his hands.

There was a message from Isabelle.

 ** **Come to my room, now. 911.****

Immediately after he had read it, he closed the book, saved whatever file he was working on on his laptop, cleared the desk and hurried towards the exit. He stopped by Luke Garroway's desk, but the man was busy talking to his daughter.

"I promised to Simon I would go. And I've been here for more than five hours. Please, Luke. Just this time."

Alec cleared his throat so someone would hear him. Luke turned toward him, but he was still talking to his daughter. "Okay, go. But twelve o'clock, Clary. At twelve o'clock _you are home_."

"Thanks. I promise." The girl placed a quick kiss on her father's cheek and hurried down the hall.

"Sorry for that." Luke was talking to Alec now.

"Are you done already? You are usually the last one to leave."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm in a big hurry right now." Alec's look was very concerned so Luke maneuvered some papers very quickly and let him go. "Good bye,"mumbled Alec under his breath.

He stepped outside and ran. Ran as fast as he could, and he could run very fats. He bumped into some students and didn't remember if he apologized or not, but he didn't care. Isabelle texted him 911 and that was all he could think about. He entered her dorm and hurried towards her room.

"What's the hurry, Lightwood?" he heard someone saying but didn't stop to see who was talking to him. He reached his sister's door and opened it with a powerful shove.

"Izzy, are you okay?" She wasn't there. He walked around her room shouting. "For God's sake, WHERE ARE YOU?" He approached her bathroom door and didn't even think of knocking. He opened it and stood stock sill.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

Isabelle was standing in front of her sink mirror, applying some blue eyeliner. She was dressed for a party.

"Alec! You are here. Oh, you were fast!"

He couldn't respond right away because he had to catch his breath. But as soon as he did, he shouted again.

"OF COURSE I DID. YOU TEXTED 911." He stopped again, trying to calm his breathing.

"Don't make such a fuss about it. I'm sorry I scared you like that but we need to hurry. We are going to party."

Alec's eyes popped open and immediately after that he started to laugh like a maniac. Isabelle was the one confused right now.

"You texted me...911...so we could go... to a _party_?" Alec tried to speak between his laughters. "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" He was shouting now. "I was at the library and I still had one more hour to study when I received your text. I ran as fast as I could because I thought you were _in danger_. BECAUSE YOU TEXTED 911. But apparently no, we are going _to a party_. No. Let me rectify that. _You_ are going to a party. _I_ am going in my room _to read_. Or I'm going to the gym. But no party! BYE!" Isabelle could tell Alec was very upset, but he kept his calm. he always did. Well, almost always.

Izzy came out of the bathroom in a matter of seconds, stopping her brother from exiting her room.

"Alec, please don't go. I'm sorry I scared you but I knew you were at the library and that you wouldn't have stopped reading if I had told you about the party. I had to make you come here."

Alec was even more annoyed now. "And now, I'm leaving."

"Please don't. Jace is coming too. It will be so much fun. Just like the old times." Her eyes were pleading. "Please."

"Just like the old times, huh? That means I'll have to carry you two home because you'll be too drunk to walk?" Alec was almost joking and he looked as though he was reconsidering the idea of going to the party. Isabelle knew that was her chance to convince him.

"Let's not forget about the times _we_ had to carry you, while _you_ were throwing up on some alley."

"Stop talking, Isabelle."

"Are you coming? Just for tonight. I promise next time we'll go out we'll do whatever you'll want?"

"We'll stay in and watch a good movie?"

"Done," agreed Isabelle, smiling at the idea.

"Okay, then I guess we're going." Immediately after Alec said that, Isabelle began jumping up and down and then sent a quick message.

"So the party is in Brooklyn."

"I hate Brooklyn," said Alec.

"Okay, let's establish something. I know you don't actually love the idea, but you don't get to ruin the mood. At least pretend like you are having a good time."

"Okay, I'll pretend."

Isabelle's face changed and she look like she was going to kill him.

Alec laughed when he saw her frowning look. "I am kidding, Izzy. I'll try and have a good time, really." And he really meant it. It wasn't like he could return to his room. And if he had to go to this party, he was going to try and make the most out of it. It was Saturday night after all.

Isabelle looked pleased now. "Okay, so the party is at nine o'clock. I still have to get ready and Jace still has to get back from the gym. Then we have to go to your room and after that we have to drive till there."

Alec was puzzled. Not only that he didn't understand what could Isabelle possibly need more than make-up and her outfit, but he didn't understand why they needed to go to his room? So he asked his sister.

"Clearly you don't understand girls, at all, even if I've been around for nineteen years. I am far from being ready. I still haven't picked up a pair of shoes nor accessories. And my hair is not done yet. And we have to go to your room because, Alec, you are not going _anywhere_ with those clothes, let alone _to_ _ _a party__ _."_ She seemed horrified as she spoke. Like only seeing her brother's sweater was hurting her eyes. She kept on nodding her head in a disapproving way.

Alec glanced to his sweater and pulled its edges.

"What's wrong with this?"

"Dear God, everything! It has actual holes, Alec. Holes! Now shut up! I have to focus." She went to her closet and opened one more drawer Alec hadn't seen till now. It was full of shoes. "What pair should I wear?" she asked herself.

Alec tossed himself on the bed, ignoring his sister's rhetorical questions. He wanted to go back to his room and read a good book, with a cup of coffee next to him. He didn't want to wander around New York. Especially not Brooklyn!

* * *

 ** **A/N: Putting this at the end because I hate spoilers and I think you do too.****

 ** **First of all, thank you, THANK YOU! I am sending a big hug and a big heart *right here* to the ones who left reviews on my previous chapter.****

 ** **I know you were hoping it was going to be Magnus but I had something else planned for them :))****

 ** **Ella Blackrose**** ** **\- thank you for the long review and for everything you said, really! I tried to take your advice so Jace's story will come later on because there is a lot to take in right now, it's true. And yes, you were right, Jace was at the door.****

 ** **Night Changer**** **-** ** **I know, but we shall wait and see. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.****

 ** **Guest and Guest 2**** ** **\- I hope you liked this chapter too and I hope the wait was worth it.****

 ** **The next chapter will be up after you'll review(and after I write it :)) ) sooo...go and tell me what you think about this one. I am really curious!****

 ** **Also, Shadowhunters premieres only in fifteen days? Like what? But where I live I don't have Netflix nor AbcFamily so yeah...lucky me. :(****

 ** **Go listen to the songs while reading! They set the mood. Or at least I think so.****


	6. Chapter 6

****A/N: I am 90% sure you are going to kill me by the end of the chapter. Sorry. Not sorry.****

 ** **Disclaimer: I own only the plot, obviously. The characters belong to the lovely Cassandra Clare.****

* * *

Alec drove very fast through New York. It was already ten o'clock and they weren't at the party yet. He really didn't want to stay there until past midnight, but it wasn't at all up to him. Isabelle and Jace were depending on him to bring them back home and knowing them, that wouldn't be until at least 3 am. He would very much prefer to be in his own room, back at the dorm, reading or preparing to go to sleep but instead he was driving his siblings to a stupid party that took place in Brooklyn. And not only driving them there but having to attend the party himself. At first, back in Izzy's room, he planned on having a good time, but that quickly changed after they spent no less than an hour in his room trying to decide what he was going to wear. Isabelle made some reproachful comments about his clothes and planned a shopping trip as soon as possible because __all your sweaters look like they've been collected from a dumpster__ as she liked to say.

"Change that song!" he heard Izzy say from the backseat of the car.

"It's by RHCP!"

"Who?"

"Red Hot Chili Peppers."

" Whatever. I don't care. It's sad and it kills the mood."

" _What_ mood?" Alec replied in a sarcastic tone.

"Alec, you promised," his sister reminded him. We are going to have fun tonight. All three of us!"

"Jace is the one sleeping," noticed Alec while he granted Isabelle's wish. He didn't change the song, but turned the music off completely. After all, this was his car. They will listen to his music or no music at all. This was the only rule he had, although he didn't mention it to neither of them. He just hoped Izzy wouldn't ask him to put on one of _her_ favouritesongs. God knows he could barely stand those!

"I am not sleeping," came a mumbled response from where Jace was sitting. "I was just _resting my eyes."_

"Resting your eyes my ass. Wake up, now!" Izzy shouted while she punched Jace in the head with her purse. She then proceeded in punching Alec, also in the head.

"What the hell was that for?" he shouted back.

"We wasted _one hour_ because you had nothing not-black and at least decent in your closet. And for God's sake, Alec, buy some jeans that are not faded black!"

"Instead of criticizing my taste in fashion you could tell me where's the next turn, because I have no idea where this party is suppose to be and I'm pretty sure we'll get lost if you keep distracting me from the rode."

"I would criticize your taste in fashion if you had one. And take the next right turn and we should be there. Let's hope we'll find a place to park this car. I'm not planning on walking all the way till there in these 7 inch heels."

Isabelle was dressed with a nice red blouse that offered a pretty detailed view of her gifted chest, although it was nothing too eccentric. She paired it with some skinny black jeans which revealed the curves of her body. Her jewelry added the perfect amount of glow to her look. As they were getting out of the car, Alec decided to keep a close eye on Isabelle that night. Jace was still sleepy but as they were approaching the building where the party took place he seemed to lighten up a bit. He was wearing a white loose shirt which was unbuttoned at the top and the sleeves were rolled to his elbows. The soft material made the lines of his collar bones and the ones of his toned chest visible Alec suddenly realised how boring was his outfit. He had on a pair of uninteresting shoes, some black jeans and a blue sweater which Isabelle approved with. She also added a belt to his jeans and arranged his sweater in a way which made his accessory visible. She was not entirely pleased with the result but she said it will do it for now. Alec could only agree having no idea what his sister had been talking about.

They reached a door and Isabelle took a deep breath, rearranging her blouse for the fiftieth time that night, and then she pressed the buzzer.

A moment later a voice echoed through the stairwell. "Come in. This should be fun."

* * *

"Will, I swear to God. If you just let someone else in, I'm going to kill you." Magnus seemed very pissed off as he was approaching the door in front of which Will was standing. "There are more than 200 people in this loft. There is no more room. Or air, for that matter."

"Calm down, Magnus. It's a party. You need another drink. Come on, let's get you one."

"I'll have another drink after I answer the door," he replied as the buzzer rang. Magnus was frowning at him so Will headed off to the bar to prepare said drinks. The buzzer rang again.

"Welcome," Magnus said as he was opening the door. In the room walked in a girl that Magnus recognized immediately, a boy with blonde locks who seemed very confident in himself and right after him Alec stepped in.

Realization hit him. __Alec, the blue-eyed god__ was now at __his__ party, offering Magnus numerous ideas of the way he was going to spend his night. A huge grin blossomed on his face.

"Oh, _hello there_."

The boy's eyes were fixed on the floor or on his shoes – Magnus couldn't tell for sure - but after he heard Magnus' voice he lifted his head.

"Oh, shit," escaped the boy's lips. He was watching Magnus with a terrified look.

Isabelle and Jace turned toward their brother and Magnus' face dropped as he tried to understand what Alec's words meant.

"Do you know each other?' Jace asked while frowning.

"Yes," Magnus responded but in the same moment he heard Alec's voice.

"No," the boy said. Magnus was taken aback by the harsh tone. Alec couldn't look him in the eye but instead he was glancing over to Jace, fear spread all over his face. "No, I don't know him." This time the answer was a low whisper and his lips were trembling.

Magnus' eyebrows shoot up.

"Oh. Then I guess not," was all he could say after that. He felt offended by Alec's statement and frowned nervously.

Alec noticed his change of figure and became even more terrified. Magnus cast a glance toward him one more time. The boy was dressed in a blue cashmere sweater so the light in his eyes seemed darker now. This sweater was tighter than the ones Magnus had seen Alec wear on a daily basis and it highlighted the lines of his neck and abdomen. Magnus moved his stare and his eyes fell on Alec's body, analyzing his every shape. He found himself starring with intensity at the edges of the other guy's body and thinking about how much he wanted to touch them, memorize them and trace them with his bare hands. It was a shock for him to sense the intensity of the feeling, especially now when he saw Alec's distant attitude. He shuddered at the thought and at the wave of fear that followed it.

Alec's outfit was well put together and Magnus guessed Isabelle had had a say in it. She herself was dressed like a femme fatale and, as she walked in, a few heads turned around to look at her. Some girls were looking at the golden boy standing in the door frame who was scrutinizing Magnus. But Magnus had eyes only for the boy in the shadows. Alec took a few steps at the beginning, but as he realized that Magnus was the host of this party at which he had been dragged to, he stopped stock still. He was now standing half in the lights from Magnus's loft and half in the shadows of the stairwell, looking terrified and as though he was going to run down the stairs at any second if his siblings and Magnus kept staring at him, each of them with a different look in their eyes.

This was getting very uncomfortable for all four of them so Magnus decided to stop this game of pointless stares.

"Would you like to come in or are you going to wait in front of the door until the party is over?"

Alec's head shoot up, feeling the irritation in Magnus' voice.

"He's coming in," answered Izzy as she pulled Alec inside the loft. "You promised," she whispered into Alec's ear, but Magnus heard because he was standing close to the door. He closed it with a powerful shut and looked at Alec, a last shade of hope melting in the green and yellow of his own eyes. Maybe he would look at him, maybe the blue sea living inside Alec's eyes will satisfy his needs. But as Alec met his glare, Magnus could see there was no blue sea living in there anymore, but a storm unleashed, his eyes a darker shade of blue Magnus hadn't seen till then. Just a glimpse of the inner fight going inside Alec's soul.

In that moment Magnus realized this was not the Alec that he had bumped into in his room at the college, but the Alec who he had met in the hallway, scared of everyone around him. Only that now they were surrounded by __more__ people and __very__ loud music was reverberating around Magnus' loft.

He stepped away for the second time since he met Alec, deciding to give him the space he obviously needed.

"Try not to break anything. Drinks are at the bar. Help yourselves. Have fun." He smiled, but this time only to Isabelle and stepped away from the three of them, blending into the crowd of people who were jumping up and down feeling the music flowing through their veins.

He didn't know that a pair of blue eyes was watching his every step until he completely disappeared in the multitude of sweaty bodies. And even if he did know, it wouldn't have made any difference, because he was still going to walk away and Alec was still going to do nothing about it.

He found Catarina and Will who were both at the bar.

"Why the grumpy face?" She asked.

Magnus waved his hand dismissively and poured some tequila into his glass.

"Is everything alright?", she insisted.

"He's here," Magnus responded, more for himself, as he emptied his glass and filled it again.

"Who's here?" asked Will.

"No one. I was just talking to myself." He placed his empty glass on the countertop.

"Magnus... are you sure you are fine?" Catarina asked one more time.

Magnus wasn't going to let the incident with Alec ruin his party so he turned toward his friend and smiled reassuringly. "Yes, I am fine. It was just a stupid think that bothered me, but now it's gone. Come on, let's dance," and he pulled her right in the middle of the dancing floor, both with huge smiles on their faces.

 ** **Song:**** ** _ _ **Crave you**__** ** **by Flight Facilities****

Three hours and probably ten drinks later, Magnus was owning the dance floor and almost every single person in the room wanted to dance with him at least once. He was moving easily, waving his body following the beat of the music and drawing every look on him.

At some point he felt a pair of strong hands slightly grasping his buttocks and then moving slowly up to his waist.

He turned around to come face to face with a tall, dark-haired young man.

But it wasn't the dark-haired guy he wanted to dance with.

He immediately pushed that thought in the back of his mind, blaming the alcohol for even thinking abut it. Magnus started to wave his hips around the other man's body, moving with a fluid sexuality he so well mastered.

The stranger's hands wandered all over his body, while the fingers' touch and his breath, filled with the sharp smell of alcohol, were mirrroring the hunger in his eyes. It was not a soft touch, but a craving, almost desperate one, and Magnus could not blame him. He was so used with men wanting only his body and he could not lie and say he wanted to give anything more.

It was so much safer and easier to offer your body.

And after all who cared about anything else than to satisfy the never stopping needs that made all of us so weak?

So Magnus fell one more time in the pleasure offered by an unknown body.

The waving of his hips stopped and Magnus closed his eyes as though he wanted to take it all in - the air crammed with flavoured smoke, the deafening sound of electro music, the strange sensation of having a body pressing so hard against his own.

He opened his eyes and saw the man standing so close to him. Breath against breath. One sweat body pressed against a lean and long one.

He leaned his head closer.

It felt so easy - and so wrong it hurt.

The stranger grabed Magnus by the waist, pressing his fingers in his back. Magnus placed his hands around his neck, pulled him closer and kissed him.

Lips collided powerfully agains lips.

Hard. Fast. Breathless.

A sharp toungue found its way in Magnus' mouth and he let it in with a soundless gasp. He moved his toungue around it. And then further away. Blending his saliva with the taste of whisky and melting his breaths in the hot ones coming from the other man.

Magnus pulled away when it felt to much to burden himself with.

The man's hands were still resting on his sides as he let his wet lips rest against Magnus' cheek.

"Room. Now," he whispered.

"When I was finally enjoying myself. Such a pity," said Magnus.

"Trust me, you'll be enjoying yourself much better if we go to a room." As the stranger spoke, Magnus could feel the arousal in the man's pants becoming harder and pressing on his own knee. His devilish smile became even wider.

"Then room it is."

They made their way through the crowd of people, some of them dancing, some of them making out in the middle of the dance floor, and other couples practically devouring each others faces giving up dancing entirely and turning Magnus' living room in their personal bedrooms.

For a moment, Magnus thought he caught a glimpse of a tall dark-haired boy walking out of the living room with a cat following him, but when he tired to differentiate the guy that caught his eye from the other revelers, the man's figure was already gone.

He shook his head and tightened his grip on the stranger's hand, leading him to his bedroom.

But they didn't reach it, beacuse Magnus found himself pressed against a door that didn't lead to his room.

He lifted his head, watching the other man grin as he saw himself finally alone with Magnus.

The man's hands traveled all over his body and stopped when they reach the place they were most eager for. Magnus felt a hand stroking him through his pants and let out a loud moan.

Then cold lips were leaving wet marks on his neck, and when they found his mouth, the door opened.

Magnus grabed the man by his jeans and tried to lead him to the bed, pulling him closer for another kiss.

Somehow, the young stranger tripped in the doors's threshold and fell on the floor, pulling Magnus down with him. They landed on the carpet with a powerfull thug, limbs entangled on the carpet.

The alcohol and the fell made everything go spinning, but it didn't take much for them to remeber why they were here.

The young man let his hands travel around Magnus' body, and then his lips followed, bitting hard when they reached his collar bone.

Magnus' hands were now searching for something to clutch on as the other man's hands were in his jeans following the line of his boxer-briefs. He finally decided to pull the man's hair and they both let out a loud moan that immediately turned into a groan inside Magnus' throat as the stranger hands were finally where they should be.

The man's movements were driving Magnus insane.

 _"Please,"_ Magnus whispered.

The guy seemed to understand the message. He pulled his hand out of Magnus' leather pants, leaving him with an unsatisfied look, unbuttoned his own jeans with fast movements and then moved on to Magnus'.

After he was done with the undressing, he threw their clothes somewhere on the floor and leaned over Magnus with a hunger in his eyes that sent a shiver down Magnus' spine.

The man encircled Magnus' torso and back with his strong arms and pulled them both up in a sitting position.

 _ _Let's just stop and think before I lose faith__

The words from the dance floor echoed in Magnus's year.

 _ _Too late__ , he thought as their bodies collided.

On the other side of the door people were jumping up and down feeling the music flowing through their veins and the alcohol clouding their minds.

Inside, Magnus whispered __faster__ in a stranger's ear and let him penetrate through the halls of his being. His movements were fast and craving, his hands pressing hard agains Magnus' lower back.

* * *

Magnus closed his eyes and let his body be filled with the much wanted pleasure.

Then the guy placed his sweaty forehad against Magnus's, breathing hastily in his face so he opened his eyes and so a stranger's face in front of him. Magnus was now resting against the windowstill and the other man was up on his legs - though his knees were trembling - right in front of Magnus.

"That was amazing," the dark-haired man said between quick breaths.

Magnus lowered himself and rested his ass on the window's still and his head on the cold glass behind him, closing his eyes and letting his body be filled with the much wanted pleasure.

He stood like that for a couple of moments, but then the guy placed his sweaty forehad against Magnus's, breathing hastily in his face, so he opened his eyes and saw a stranger's face in front of him.

Magnus couldn't bare the feeling of something inside him any longer. So pulled himself out of what it seemed to him as a cold embrace.

He pushed the man away and jumped off of the window still, his legs still trembling. He tried to catch his breath as fast as he could while he was looking for his own clothes. He found instead a pair of jeans and a shirt that were not his, so he threw them to the guy who was laying on the floor, with a satisfied look on his face.

"Get dressed and get out." Magnus' tone was impassive.

"I can't leave now. And I can't get dress. I have to take a shower."

"Fine. The bathroom is there. I think. Which room is this?" Magnus went straight to the switch and turned the lights on. He looked through the room and let out a sigh of relief. _ _Catarina's__. It was actually a very small guest room, but Catarina was the only one using it so Magnus decided to call it her room. So she could feel more like home when she came over to his loft. He decided right then and there never to mention what he had just done on her floor and on her window still.

"Turn them off. God, my eyes!" The stranger shouted .

Magnus did so, but only because it hurt his eyes too.

He indicated the bathroom one more time and urged the man inside it. Before he could close the door he heard the man saying something. He deciphered the words after a few seconds.

"We should do this again sometime," the man had said.

Magnus closed the door, refusing to think of an answer to that, simply beacuse he didn't know what to say or even what to feel.

He got dressed really quickly, rearranged his hair and hurried out of the room and towards the bar.

There was Catarina and when she saw him she shot him a disapproving nod.

"Please tell me you didn't."

"I didn't." Magnus was twitching as he was walking.

"You need to stop this shit, Magnus." She looked very angry.

"What I need is to get drunk." was the response.


	7. Chapter 7

Four hours and two drinks later, Alec was sitting in am armchair in the darkest corner of the anteroom. After the incident with Magnus and his siblings, he had spent some time at the bar, trying to ignore every strange person who approached him, inviting him to dance or God knows what else.

At some point Isabelle had joined him and she'd have bought both of them some drinks but then a boy sat right next to her and after a very short conversation and a few shots they had started to dance. Jace was sitting on a sofa alone so Alec decided to go over there but quickly changed his mind when he thought that Jace might ask him about Magnus. It was indeed a very stupid thought and Alec knew that Jace probably didn't even care, but it was in his nature to worry about everything when it came to his sexuality. Anyway, he stopped feeling bad about not joining Jace when two girls, one brunette and a one blonde, sat on on the sofa on both of Jace's sides.

To Alec's surprise, Jace got up and Alec feared that he might come to the bar but instead he headed towards another couch placed right next to the floor to ceiling window.

* * *

There stood a red-headed girl wearing a dress with a very interesting print. Her fiery hair was up in a bun but a few strings hang loosely around her cheeks. Her make-up was very simple, almost like she didn't wear any. She held a beauty within her simplicity that only a few people could master. Her fluid movements and her sharp eyes analyzing the pieces of art neatly spread around the loft let out on her true passion: she was an artist and it wasn't hard to tell.

"Are you enjoying the party?" A male voice asked. She moved her head in the direction of the sound and found a tall boy standing on her right side. Her first impression was that he was made of gold and the tips of her fingers were itching, desperately wanting to capture the boy's figure on a white sheet. But then the beauty will be gone, faded in the process of trying to turn reality into art.

She blinked a few times as if the halo of light surrounding the young man will fade, but it didn't.

"Yes, actually. Although it's not the dancing or the drinks that interest me, but this beautiful apartment." She looked one more time to the boy through her long eyelashes and begin to laugh. "I'm sorry. I must be boring you. Sorry." A blush bloomed around her freckles.

"No, not at all." The boy was looking at her with flames in his eyes. "Everyone else is either drunk or making out with someone. My brother must be hiding somewhere because he hates parties and my sister must be killing the dance floor."

"So you're stuck with me, huh?"

The young man seemed to be at a loss of words. "Uh...no, not at all. That's not what I meant. Uh, sorry." He looked troubled. She guessed that this kind of thing didn't actually happened to him. Every girl must be falling at his feet and dying to have a conversation with him. At least this was what his looks said. Only that she wasn't here to hook up with someone. She was here to take her mind off of things. So she tried to keep talking to the boy next to her.

"Are you here with your siblings?" What else was she supposed to say?

"Yeah. I am in town only for a few more weeks. Three, actually. I am trying to make the most out of it before I return to LA."

"What's in LA?"

"Oh, LA is where I train. I am a soccer player." His answer was followed by an arrogant smile. He leaned closer to her. So her initial impression of him was not wrong. He was indeed very confident in himself; maybe too confident for her own taste.

"Really? That sounds fun...I think? I'm not really into sports." She didn't look surprise at all by his statement and pressed her back further in the couch tapestry. He eyes wondered around the loft a few more seconds, then something from outside caught her eye. It must have been the lights of New York coming to live in the latest hours of the night.

"Sorry, but you really don't know who I am?"

"No. I should?" her eyes were still focused on the window.

"I am Jace. Jace Lightwood?"

"Doesn't ring a bell to me."

"The soccer player Jace Lightwood?" His eyebrows were hitting his hairline now and his expression said that he didn't want to believe what she was saying. How could you not know him?

"I am Clary Fray - the artist." She was mocking him. "Oh, and here is Simon Lewis, the rock star." She gestured toward the crowd. Simon was returning to his table but he wasn't alone, to Clary's surprise. He was holding a beautiful girl by her waist. It was the girl Simon met at the coffee shop a few days ago. As soon as he saw Clary, he disentangled his arms from the girl's sides, placing them in his pockets and tried to hide his guilty look.

"Oh, we were just...I didn't know you were _here_. Izzy spotted Jace and we were just, you know. I mean I know now that this is our table. But when Isabelle said she saw Jace I didn't think _he_ would be at _our_ table. Otherwise - I mean..." Clary couldn't understand what Simon was so desperately trying to say. Izzy seemed amused by Simon's stammering, but something must had bothered her, because she was frowning in the next second.

"Oh, and here's my sister, Isabelle. Isabelle, meet Clary. Clary's an artist." Jace was the one speaking now.

So this was his sister. Yes, the gene must be running in the family. They were both very good looking.

"Oh, I am definitely not an artist. I am just an amateur. There are thousands of us in New York." The blush returned to Clary's cheeks.

Simon tossed himself right next to Clary while Izzy took the place near her brother.

"No, you are not an amateur. You are very talented. You should see her paintings, really."

"We would love to!" was Jace's response.

"Really. You would?" questioned his sister. The brunette girl looked like she was about to burst into laughter but waited for her brother's response.

"Of course. I love art."

Now there was no doubt. The girl was laughing so hard, she had tears in her eyes.

"Where's Alec?" asked Jace before Izzy could say anything that could give away any more information about his true passions.

"I just saw him exiting the living room. A cat was following him." She still couldn't stop laughing.

* * *

The music was so loud in the living that he couldn't even hear his own thoughts so he had given up on staying at the improvise bar and decided to spent the night in a chair playing with the fluffy ball of fur which he had found in the hallway.

He had been there for at least an hour. When the pet spotted Alec, it followed him to the bar, sat at his feet while Alec drank some water and scrutinized the room looking for Isabelle and Jace - making sure they were as fine as they could be at a party - and when Alec decided to rest on the comfortable chair, the cat jumped in his lap and began to purr. At first Alec was very uncertain about what he should do with the pet. He guessed this was Magnus' place - even though he had said he had a room in the dorm - so this must be Magnus' cat. So he thought Magnus would get angry with him if he saw the cat sitting with Alec, but then he remembered that he had already screwed up things with Magnus and he would probably never see or talk to him again. The thought of it made Alec's chest tighten and he let out a loud sigh.

The cat jerked its head up at the sound but then rested it again on Alec's knee and continued its purring. Alec was ashamed by the way he acted towards Magnus a few hours earlier but he couldn't risk for his siblings to find out about his sexuality. He hid it so much when he had been with Sebastian and still his sister suspected something. That and the fact that he got drunk multiple times when only the two of them were home and started to narrate to his sister pieces of his love life. He had been too drunk to remember what he'd said the previous night but he could tell from the looks that Izzy gave him from time to time that it had been bad and she knew enough to want to protect him from absolutely everyone, including Jace and their parents.

Remembering those days made Alec feel even worse about what he had done. Instead to learn something from the past, he kept on making the same mistakes.

And it was not just about Magnus, but about everything, because here he was: staying in a dark corner of someone's loft, at a party he didn't want to attend in the first place, while his siblings were dancing and drinking. And he managed to chase away the only person that paid attention to him – besides his family that he sometimes wish didn't do it – only by opening his mouth.

The felling that flooded his veins when they arrived at the party had slowly faded away, but he was still wondering what must have Jace thought about Magnus' answer. He pressed his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He knew he was worrying too much. All he wanted to do was to go home and rest. He wasn't sure he would be able to fall asleep any time soon. There were too many things clouding his mind.

The music was perceptibly slower and Alec guessed there were fewer people at the party, because there were just low murmurs coming from the living room.

"My cat seems to like you." A funny voice brought Alec back to reality. He recognized the voice long before he opened his eyes. Restlessness was trying to win him over. What was he suppose to say? Where were the others? Who could hear their conversation?

" _I_ like you."

Alec's head shoot up. He looked over to Magnus who was about to fall on his knees. Alec got up from the armchair and caught him just in time. He smelled like alcohol but he could still sense a flavour of that beautiful perfume Magnus emanated all the time.

 _ _Oh, he's drunk__ _._ Alec was relieved. Magnus won't remember too much tomorrow morning.

 _"_ Come on, you need to sit down." Alec put his arms around Magnus, lifted his knees slowly from the ground and helped him reach the chair in which he had been sitting till then. "Here."

"I'm serious. I really like you."

"You are really, really drunk," said Alec but he couldn't wipe off the smile which was flowering on his lips neither he could make the blush disappear.

"You are really beautiful, you know? Like _really_ beautiful. Your dark hair and blue eyes – my favourite combination." Magnus' smile was huge and his eyes were glowing and not only from the alcohol. Alec couldn't stop laughing at the funny way Magnus was talking, as though his tongue was wreathing itself.

Suddenly, a few people exited the room. Alec recognized them as being Jace, Isabelle, a boy wearing glasses and a girl that he was pretty sure he recognized from somewhere but was too tired to think about it. Alec stepped immediately away from Magnus. He saw that Izzy was leaning on the boy who seemed to be struggling with holding both of them standing. The red-headed girl took Izzy's other hand and looked her straight in the eye.

"Here's the thing, Izzy! You either try and walk on your own or you sleep here, on the hallway."

"OKAY, NO NEED TO SHOUT," screamed Izzy. I'll walk." She didn't because after a few steps she was about to fall on her knees. Lucky for her, Alec and the other boy caught her just in time.

"Okay. The party's over. We are going home." Nor Jace or Izzy wanted to argue with an angry Alec. "Jace, can you walk?"

"Yes. I didn't drink that much, actually."

"I'll help him in case he trips or something," the red-headed girl volunteered. Alec finally recognized her. She was Luke Garroway's daughter. He smiled thankfully to her and all of them headed towards the door.

They reached the car in ten minutes although Alec was surprised none of them got injured on the way. God, he was never going to party with his siblings again! Never! After he placed Izzy on the backseat and Jace in the front, next to the driver's seat he turned towards the other two young people who had helped him.

"I'm so sorry. Thank you for helping me with my siblings."

"Relax. We're glad we could help. I'm Simon. She's Clary."

"Nice to meet you. And thank you again. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anyone about this."

"You're welcome. And yes, you can trust us."

"Hey, it's you, isn't it? You were at the coffee shop with your sister a few days ago. Java Jones? You don't know me, but Simon talked to your sister after that and I remember seeing you there."

Alec froze. Not only they had seen his drunk siblings but they'd also witnessed his fight with Isabelle.

 _This was the worst night of his entire pathetic existence._

"I'm sorry." The girl seemed really worried and Alec tried to say something to calm her down – or himself, for that matter - but nothing came out. "Did I say something wrong?" she continued. "I mean, Simon only spoke to your sister after you left. I knew I saw you somewhere when we met at the library today. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. I was just – nothing. Sorry." Alec stopped for a second, then remembered something. "Wait. Did she say you talked to my sister? Are you the one who paid for our drinks?" This was getting more embarrassing by the minute.

"It's fine. No problem, really."

"I am so sorry again. What can I do? Can I offer you a drive?"

"No, thanks," said Clary. We came here with Simon's car...van, actually." She paused for a minute and Alec cast a glance toward his car. He really wanted to go home. "But..since you asked, you _can_ do something for my friend. You could come to one of his concerts."

"Clary!"said Simon with a completely terrified look on his face.

"What? I am promoting your work. He is really really talented," she whispered towards Alec. "Here," She said while she took out a flyer from her bag. "You should all come."

"That's great. We'll be there." Alec promised. Clary and Simon waved him goodbye and turned around, walking towards Simon's van.

Alec stepped in the car and he was about to turn on the engine when he remembered something.

" _Shit, shit, shit_. How could I forget?"

He checked his siblings one more time. Jace was snoring and Isabelle was fast asleep in the back of the car. He stepped outside of his black Range Rover, made sure to lock the doors, and hurried into the building and up the stairs.


	8. Chapter 8

****For the ones who already follow this story! This is not a new chapter. I am sorry. But I was re-reading my previous chapters and I realized that they were way too long. So I decided to divide them. The content is just the same. Nothing is changed, besides the way the chapters end. Hope you understand. Sorry again if you thought these four are some other chapters.****

* * *

 ** **Song**** ** _ **:**_** _ ** _ **Make You Feel My Lov**_**_ ** _ **e**_** ** **by the wonderful Adele****

In a matter of seconds he was in front of the door. He hoped no one had closed it after they left. Without thinking anymore about the consequences, he opened the door and stepped into the anteroom. He let out a sigh of relieve: Magnus was there.

He was sleeping with his head fallen off over one edge of the armchair.

Alec approached the armchair and for a minute just looked at Magnus. His lips were slightly parted and his lashes spread shadows on his cheekbones. __He is a really beautiful man,__ thought Alec. Standing there, sleeping peacefully, his makeup flaking, Magnus was more beautiful than ever and Alec forgot why he had hurried up the stairs, he forgot he had wanted to go home and that his siblings were? waiting in the car. For a few seconds he just set there in silence and for the first time he felt it: serenity, calm, light - all around him. Yes, this is where he wished to be: in a quiet, slightly lighted anteroom, next to someone whose smile drove him mad and in the same time steadied him on the ground.

Alec's eyes fell on his abdomen were Magnus' green shirt rode up on his flat stomach. He caught himself eager to trace the line of Magnu's body with his fingers, but immediately looked up again. Magnus spiky hair was ruined and going in all directions. A hissing sound came out of his mouth and Magnus attempted to roll over on his right side. Alec lowered himself on his knees and smiled when his face came so close to Magnus's.

He placed his arms underneath Magnus and lifted him from the armchair. While he rose to his feet he squeezed Magnus, making sure he held a tight grip on him. He stepped in the living room where a very slow melody filled his ears. Alec had now idea where Magnus' room was, but now the loft looked different without the churning bodies in it. It was easier for him to find the rooms. He opened the first door but even if the light coming from the living was dim he could still see that the bed was occupied. He closed the door slowly and headed towards the other room. The moment he stepped inside it he knew it was Magnus'. The way it smelled, the way things were arranged, and the view. Yes, the view: you could see New York in all its beauty and grandeur.

He placed Magnus on the yellow sheets of the bed. He felt the warmth of Magnu's body leaving him and longed for it to return. He wanted to keep Magnus there for a longer time; maybe forever will do him justice; but his arms became sore and he knew sooner or later he would get tired of holding him in his arms. Alec was scared of these feelings. They were new to him and he didn't know how to act around Magnus without giving away his true wishes. And he was also scared because the past was following him; it was like a second heart that echoed the beats of the one made of tissue and muscle.

He leaned over Magnus, lifted his legs and placed them under the covers. He moved his hands higher on his heating body and for a moment they rested on the edge of Magnus' thin T-shirt, feeling the rises of his chest as Magnus' breathing fastened, but quickly changed his mind and pulled the covers all the way up to keep Magnus warm. Magnus would have to sleep in those clothes and Alec really hoped he wouldn't be cold.

Alec sat on the chair by the window, wanting to make sure Magnus would fall asleep because all the moving around and the tucking were about to wake him up.

Alec heard the music from the other room and he recognized Adele' voice. He loved this song. Without realising he began to hum along with the music in a very low voice.

 _ _The storms are raging on the rolling sea__

Alec didn't notice but Magnus's eyes were half-open the moment he finished singing the line.

 _ _And of the highway of regret__

A tear rolled down Magnus' cheek.

 _ _The winds of change are blowing wild and free__

"Alec?" murmured a soft voice, right before he could finish the strophe.

"Shh. Go to sleep."

"I am sorry."

"It's fine. I got you. It's fine."

The words floated in the air and by the time Magnus breathed them in Alec exited the room, closing the door very slowly.

Alec took only two steps out of the room when he was stopped by a tall girl with blue hair.

"What on earth are you doing in Magnus' room?"

"I was just..." Alec was caught off guard.

"Well? What were you doing?" Her eyebrows were hitting her hairline and she looked really angry.

"I took him in his bed. He fell asleep on the armchair in the hallway." He said when he finally remembered how to speak.

The girl stared at him for a few minutes and she looked taken aback.

"You what?"

"He fell asleep in the hallway. I took him to bed."

"You are Alec, aren't you?"

Alec's throat went dry. He swallowed the nod that was formed in there. But he nodded.

"Please don't tell him I was here."

She thought about what he had said and looked at him with a sadness that went straight inside Alec's soul. She smiled although it was sorrowful, then nodded slightly just like he did.

"Come on, I'll lock the door behind you."

* * *

 ** **A/N: I hope you don't want to kill me. Pretty please don't kill me.****

 ** **Also, just so it's clear for everyone, at first Alec is in the anteroom and he remebers being at the bar. While he is at the bar, Jace meets Clary and so on and when he leaves, he is spotted by both Izzy and Magnus. Then it's said that he spents almsot an hour in the armchair.****

 ** **I am little nervous about posting this. When I wrote it I wasn't but, yeah, anyway. This is my story and this is how I wanted things to happen. And to be completely honest, thsi thing kind of writes itself, you know? The ideas keep on coming while I write, so...****

 ** **Okay, moving on. School's about to start. Yaycs. Shadowhunters's only 7 days away? What? Can't wait!****

 ** **I will write the next chapter when I have the time and I will update it after I have, let's say, four reviews? I hope it's not too much to ask for.****

 ** **Night Changer:**** ** **I'm glad you liked it. Hope you liked this too. Everybody influences in a way or another the stories of our main characters: Magnus and Alec. So the other characters will probably make an appearance from time to time.****

 ** **Ella Blackrose**** ** **: Hope this answers your questions. Their past is still a little blurry, but we have to be patient. We'll see where the story takes us.****

 ** **I am looking forward to all of your reviews so don't be shy. I clearly wasn't. :)****

 ** **Also, listen the songs if you want to.****


	9. Chapter 9

Magnus woke up with a throbbing pain pulsating through his temples and through his back. The first thing he noticed through his eyelashes where the drawn curtains and the golden rays of sun landing on his bed sheets. Magnus closed his eyes and, as the sun rose higher on the pale blue September sky, trying to rise above the skyscrapers of New York, he felt his cheeks warming and the darkness behind his eyes was pierced by the light brought in by the beginning of a new day.

When he fully opened his eyes he saw he was still wearing yesterday's outfit. He felt the need to take a shower so he throw sideways the bedspreads and jumped out of bed. He immediately realized it was the worst decision he could have made, because the room started to spin around and his stomach twisted itself in a knot, making Magnus feel sick in an instant. He fell back on the bed, groaning loudly, closing his eyes again and hoping the sensation would be gone as soon as possible. He hated the mornings after.

The moment he felt the room coming back to its regular position and the puking sensation was somewhat gone, he reached for his phone, which was tuck in his leather pants' pocket and dialed one.

"Catarina," he said as soon as he heard that she had picked up, "please come to my room."

A few seconds after he hung up, the door burst open and the familiar figure of a tall, blue-haired girl was standing in the door frame.

"Just so you know, I was trying to go back to sleep too. I am on call tonight so I need all the rest I can get."

When she reached the side of his bed, she leaned over and examined his face.

"You look like shit. As expected. Now what do you want?"

"Sorry to wake you and thanks, that was very friendly of you. Now, can you bring me a glass of water and an Advil?"

"We ran out of Advil."

"Then something else, please! My head is going to explode!" He intended to shout but the pain was unbearable so the words came out like a low whisper.

"You should have remembered to buy something. I wanted Tylenol, or Ibuprofen or any kind of pill. But all you have is lube. _ _That__ you seem to remember to buy." Her tone was reproachful and it bothered Magnus in a way that he didn't want to disappoint the one person he trusted and cared for the most.

He made an useless attempt to light up the mood."And not to use it, apparently." He laughed but the sound that came out was far from cheerful.

The look on Catarina's face said that she was oscillating between taking care of her friend or being angry with him and the latter seemed to win over as she frowned and shot him a very furious look.

"Take a shower! You stink!" were her final words and then she exited the room, slamming the door behind her. The walls vibrated for a few seconds after her withdrawal. Magnus heard the door from Catarina's room being slammed too.

"Stop ruining my apartment!" he shouted.

Magnus could feel her anger quivering through the walls and then finding shelter in his chest. He knew she was going to give him the usual lecture that followed a night full of alcohol and forgotten doings, but he didn't expect the disappointment and the sorrow buried deep in her eyes. He sighed loudly and stood up, slowly and careful not to make certain moves that could sent shots of pain through his entire body.

Magnus headed towards the bathroom and to his surprise he succeeded in reaching the shower without falling on the floor, although he kept on tripping on different kind of things thrown on the carpet.

He waited for a few minutes for the hot water to flow and stepped out of his clothes that seemed to be glued to his skin. He entered the shower and let the scorching water ooze all over his body, over the bruises on his back that he didn't know were there, over his sweaty torso and over his face where the salty memory of tears was restincg. He soaked everything in his favourite sandal soap and shampooed his hair with the same flavored bath product. His hands were moving slowly over his body, chasing away the tiredness and relaxing his muscles, but when he touched his lower back he felt an excruciating pain.

"What the hell?" he spoke between clutched teeth and turned around to see what was the source of the pain. He couldn't get a complete view of his lower back, but he saw what needed to be seen.

Bruises. Bruises all over his lower back.

Suddenly images from last night flooded his mind.

People jumping up and down.

A lot of alcohol.

A pair of cold, rough hands around his waist.

His own hands around someone's waist.

His nails deepening into a stranger's skin, marking his body.

The same body pressing against his on the floor.

The floor. The window still.

His eyes squeezed shut and darkness all around him.

Loud music and alcohol.

He was lost in his own painful thoughts and he began to scrub unconsciously every portion that seemed to be touched by unwanted hands until the skin on his arms and hips became red and irritated.

As soon as he realized what he was doing, he placed the sponge on its usual support and sighed loudly. __No more of this, Magnus. No more. Breathe!__ the rational voice spoke inside his head.

He let his head fall backwards and the water washed off the lather and foam. Magnus stayed under the shower for a few more moments just because he loved the feeling of being surrounded by the hot steams that were clouding his mind, preventing it from wondering around too much. Thinking about last night wasn't going to change anything. What had happened, happened and there was no way Magnus was going to let his guilt consume him. __Carpe diem, Magnus. Carpe diem, 'cause life is short__ _. He knew that very well, didn't he?_

He exited the bathroom, because the steams made it impossible to breathe, let alone do his make up and hair. He stepped inside his room, which seemed cold at first, and headed towards the mirror next to the closet.

 _ _Mess. I am a mess__ , were the first words that came to his mind when he saw his reflection in the mirror. He let the towel surrounding his waist fall down on the floor and turned around to look in the mirror and examined the damages of last night.

The same images that tried to flood his mind back in the shower came rushing back.

 _ _I'm fine. Let's dance. I'm fine__. His own voice was echoing inside his mind but the words had no meaning now, just like they didn't have then.

He shuddered one more time and went over to his closet, opened its doors and stared for a long time.

"Yeah, that's it. We're going with comfy today," he finally decided.

The pain became even more unbearable as he bent in order to reach the bottom drawer with his pajamas and comfy clothes. He picked up some random outfit while his mind wouldn't let him forget his mistakes.

But, unlike the last time when he remembered the events of last night, as his eyes were watching the skies of New York, as the synaptic connections were entangling themselves in his brain, mirroring his knotted feelings pulsating in his chest, he saw not the pale blue sky of the morning, but a pair of beautiful blue eyes watching down on him and heard a low, soft voice lulling him to sleep. His eyes widened and his expression was of pure confusion and amazement.

For a moment he was not sure of what he was supposed to do. He just sat there, starring out the window, trying to make the memory of this beautiful man last and enjoying the happy tightness in his chest. It was hard to do so while his mind clouded in confusion and his reason told him it was no good sign that his initial whim turned out to be slightly more. Against his reason he found himself wishing and hoping that the fuzzy image of Alec was a memory and not a hallucination.

Only one person could tell him for sure.

He didn't realize when he had put on a pair of black sweatpants and a faded T-shirt colored like the rainbow, because a moment later he was walking as fast as his injured back allowed him towards Catarina's room.

He had already started to ask the question when he opened the door and realized, to his disappointment, that his friend was fast asleep.

His question was left unspoken. Magnus stepped out of the room and closed the door slowly, making sure he didn't wake Catarina with his high-pitched voice and impatient tone. His questions would have to wait, although he had to admit he was dying of curiosity. Was his assumption correct or he had been dreaming of beautiful blue eyes and porcelain-pale skin?

With those thoughts still in mind, he reached the kitchen and realized that Catarina had not only placed a cup of hot tea and a pill on the counter top but she had also cleaned the entire living room and put the furniture back to its place. It looked like there had been no party a few hours ago. There were a few things here and there that needed to be arranged the way Magnus wanted them but the rest of it...Magnus could not complain! He understood now why Catarina was more tired than after other nights of intense partying and drinking. She must have been up all night, cleaning his loft. He was thankful once again for having such a good friend by his side, but he was too tired to think about what had kept her up all night. She usually cleaned when something was bothering her and, instead of dealing with the matter, she used to distract herself by pulling extra hours at the hospital or by rearranging her entire apartment. This time she chose to clean up Magnus's.

He took the pill and emptied the cup from two gulps, hoping he will feel better in a few hours, but highly doubting it the moment he beagn walking toward his room. He scutinized with one sharp look the loft and decided that the couch was closer and easier to reach.

Glad that that certain piece of furniture was where it was supposed to be, in front of the television with a plasma screen, he laid carefully on the sofa, finding a position in which his back would hurt the least. Lucky for him, the position turned out to be a comfortable one. He tucked himself in the fluffy purple blanket and turned on the TV. He played with the remote until he stumbled upon a documentary about suricate on the Discovery Chanel. Magnus had to admit, he was fascinated about these animals. But even his passion for meerkats couldn't make those blue eyes disappear from his mind. What if indeed Alec had been there? How long had he stayed? What did they talk about? Had they talked at all or Alec made fun of a drunk Magnus?

He soon realized that all these thoughts succeeded only in giving him an even more painful headache.

Magnus frowned in frustration, angry that he wasn't able to remember any of it, but not even these thoughts were able to keep him awake for more than ten minutes. His eyelids closed slowly, burdened by the heavy memories of last night and he feel into a deep sleep, hearing in the background the funny noises of the wild life. He hopped from the bottom of his heart that – if indeed Alec had been a dream – it would return to him even if only in that imaginary dimension.

* * *

Five hours later, he was woken up by two low voices speaking slowly somewhere near him. He rose from the couch, searching for the source of the noise with his eyes half closed and spotted two blurred figures standing in the door frame.

"Catarina?" he asked heading towards the hallway. There was no response, although the voices kept on whispering.

The dizziness from earlier was almost gone thanks to the pill Catarina gave him, but his back was still slightly hurting.

"Catarina?" he asked one more time when he got closer to the hallway.

He was walking very slowly and by the time he made it over there, the door had been closed. Someone was standing awkwardly in front of it. His vision focused and he recognize the tall, black-haired figure.

Magnus was pretty sure he was dreaming and he wanted to go back to his warm place on the couch to wake from this deceiving dream. But he heard the man's voice and dream or reality – it didn't matter anymore.

"No, she just left. Ugh – It's me."

 ** **A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait. I had a lot of things going on. Thank you to all of you out there who are still reading this. Also, this is the third version of this chapter. I just couldn't write it the way I wrote the other chapters and it freaked me out a little bit.****

 ** **But your reviews were the ones motivating me to write this no matter what.****

 ** **I loved your reviews for the last chapter and I'm looking forward to read your thoughts on this chapter.****

 ** **Night Chapter**** ** **: Yes, Magnus has some really big problems, doesn't he? I am happy you liked it. Hopefully, we will dig up into Magnus' past soon. But right now I believe I have something else for you.****

 ** **Ella Blackrose**** ** **: Your review made my day. What I loved the most was that you held on to your hope: that there is a spark between these two. I am sorry in a way that you felt torn, but in a way it felt good to know that my story made you feel this way. (I am so mean right now). It felt good to see that you care so much for these characters. I don't know if it's because of this story in particular or because of the TMI books and the strong bond you have with them. Or maybe both?****

 ** **Guest 1**** ** **: It's okay.:) I hope you like this chapter too.****

 ** **Guest 2**** ** **:Wish granted. I love that you love this story.****


	10. Chapter 10

Alec hated Brooklyn. He was sure of that.

Maybe it was because he got lost when he was five or six years old. One day his mother wanted to visit this friend of hers and she took Alec with her. They went into a supermarket to buy some chocolate and wine and he got lost between the cheese and the drinks department - he was sure he hated cheese too - and went outside to look for his mom. She was nowhere to be found. At last, after half an hour of wondering around the narrow streets of Brooklyn, he went home, deciding to wait for his mother over there. He was still scared and trembling by the time he made it to their house where it turned out that his mother was waiting for him. Along with __the police__. There was a total confusion: his mother, although she was shouting at a police officer, seemed to be on the verge of tears. The man was holding pictures with Alec, another man was trying to calm everybody down by shouting at all of them. And he just sat there, next to the door, trying to make himself heard. After more than ten minutes, he saw Izzy running down the stairs, and everybody heard her shouting her brother's name from the top of her lungs.

Alec shuddered at the memory. Yes, he was sure he hated Brooklyn, and yet, here he was, waiting in front of a wooden door to finally have the courage to knock. He might never had had...But the door suddenly opened slightly and the same tall girl, with blue curls falling around her shoulders, snicked out of the large apartment. She bumped right into Alec, leaving the door open behind her.

"Oh, I am so sorry. I didn't...I didn't expect someone to come out of the..." Alec was trying to form a coherent sentence, but he was too embarrassed to continue. His cheeks reddened immediately. "Sorry."

"Stop apologizing! And what were you doing, by the way? Spying at the door?"

Alec shook his head vigorously and looked terrified. "No, no way. I was just- I - I was preparing to knock, actually."

To Alec's surprise, Catarina didn't look furious at all. She was rather amused by the situation. "Calm down, Alec!" she said with a reassuring smile. "I was just kidding."

Alec took a deep breath and seemed to have come down to earth. "I came to see Magnus," he admitted in the end, letting out a soft sigh. I didn't know...ugh...he was busy." His hand made a slight gesture towards Catarina and she raised her eyebrows in confusion.

Alec didn't answer but kept on starring at his shoes. His cheeks were becoming red.

Catarina finally seemed to understand what Alec wanted to say but didn't have the courage to.

"Oh! Oh, that! No, honey, Magnus and I are just really, really close friends. He's more than a brother to me. Besides," she got closer to Alec and whispered into his year, "he's more into guys."

Alec instantly took a few steps back, shock imprinted all over his face.

Catraina chuckledand puased for a few minutes, giving Alec time to calm down.

When she spoke again her expression was serious and her tone was no longer cheerful, but grave.

"I thought you didn't want him to know you were here last night."

"I changed my mind." He was now looking straight in her eyes, and his sincerity struck Catarina. It was a shock for her to see such open and innocent feelings on this boy's face. All she could do was to be as honest as him.

"I hoped you will." And Alec knew she did. It was just the way she made him feel: it gave him the impression of safety and understanding. This is why he reacted way better when she suggested that he was gay than how he would have if it had been anyone else. It was easy to be yourself while you were around a that conveys such tranquility. "But I'm afraid Magnus is sleeping. He is really tired."

"Oh." Alec had to admit that he was disappointed. It hadn't been easy to convince himself to come all the way to Brooklyn and it took even more courage not to run away the moment the door opened. It seemed like it had all been in vain. He was struggling with himself; he didn't want to leave, but he had no choice. And all of a sudden a low, tired voice came from where Alec guessed was the living room.

"Catarina?"

They both turned their heads toward the inside of the apartment before making eye contact again.

"Oh, it looks like he is awake now. You go, I am really late."

"Don't you want to talk to him before you go, now that he is awake?" Alec hoped for a moment that he won't be alone with Magnus in his apartment.

Catarina was already on her way down the stairs but she stopped and looked up to Alec. She looked almost sad, although you could only tell that if you looked really carefully. "Not know. I'll talk to him, but not now. You go."

Alec nodded and turned around toward the apartment's door. With all the courage he had left, he stepped inside.

"Catarina?"

Magnus was coming towards him, walking in a funny way and blinking constantly. He looked like he was still sleeping.

"No, she just left. Ugh – It's me."

Magnus stopped walking when he reached the hallway and when he spotted Alec, he seemed to be at a loss of words. He just sat there, watching him in complete confusion with his cat-like eyes half closed and his hand still in his ruffled hair.

"Alec. It's – ugh – Alec." Suddenly Alec felt his heart falling at his feet and realized what a stupid idea it had been to come over here. If he had been thinking about last night over and over again, it didn't mean Magnus had too. He was probably very angry with the way Alec had reacted, but this was why he was here: to apologize and to explain somehow why he acted the way he acted. His plan was not to leave until he would apologize. But actually being here, in Magnus' loft, made him second guess his plannings.

"I know who you __are__."

The simple statement was followed by a pause and a frown. Alec had a feeling he wasn't suppose to say anything. Magnus's tone had a tint of annoyance. It made him nervous. What if Magnus would not want to talk to him?

"I just don't know __why__ you are here." Magnus seemed to have woken up.

Alec stopped for a minute taking a deep breath. "I came to apologize. To apologize for what I said the other night."It was the only way he would have another chance. __Another chance to what, Alec? What do you want?__ He didn't know how to answer the question that popped up in his mind so he chose to ignore it.

"Is that so?" Magnus was tensed again. It made Alec realize that Magnus was in no way over their little encounter from last night. Magnus' frowned deepened.

Alec took a few steps toward him. "I am sorry I said I didn't know you. I panicked. Jace and Izzy – my siblings – were there and I just...I am so sorry. I never meant to – hurt your feelings." Alec looked up to Magnus and saw that the man's eyebrows were raised in wonder and his lips were slightly parted. It was only for a second, because right after that his look changed to its normal expression and he looked as if he was trying to understand what Alec had just said. Realization hit him after only a few seconds.

"They don't know, do they?"

"Know what?" Alec's body became even more tensed and his heart began to beat faster in anticipation.

"That you're __gay__ _._ "

Alec's head jerked up and he was breathing harder and faster. He avoided looking directly at Magnus and his lips were slightly trembling as he was trying to give a response.

He was on the verge of denying it, but how could he, when he was here, in Magnus' apartment, doing the exact opposite.

"No – no, they don't." Alec's lips unfolded as he spoke and the words came out with a long sigh of relief. For a moment he thought it was better if he ran down the stairs and save himself and Magnus from his endless stupidity.

But he looked up to the man in front of him, trying to excuse himself for what he was about to do next, and, to his surprise, he didn't see no anger or wickedness in his eyes. He only saw gold melting in green and a smile curving Magnus' lips.

"Yeah, I thought so." He laughed slightly. "Come on, I can offer you a drink." He moved away from the door frame, gesturing to the living room.

Alec hesitated, his body still tensed.

"Look, I am not upset anymore. I understand, okay? Now, since you are here, you could stay a little bit __longer__." His suggestion was followed by a wide grin.

For a moment, Alec couldn't speak and he resigned with swallowing the knot that had formed in his throat.

"Alec." The man spoke and his voice was soft and calm and steady – so opposite from the way he liked to present himself. Alec's heart began to beat normal again and he nodded, following Magnus inside the leaving room– or what Alec guessed it was supposed to be. Because like most lofts, Magnus' was divided into "rooms" by groups of furniture spread neatly around the loft. There were some armchairs and a velvet sofa placed in front o a plasma screen TV were a documentary on Discovery Channel was on. Behind it were the ceiling-to-floor windows that offered a beautiful view of New York, of it's high buildings and narrowed crammed streets.

Not too far away were some walls covered entirely by shelves – there were mostly CD's and DVD players, but what caught Alec's eyes were the book shelves. Magnus was now behind the bar, only a few feet away from the so named living room, opening and closing different drawers while mumbling something to himself. So Alec headed towards the shelves, eager to find out what beautiful titles Magnus' small library contained. The shelves were made of wood and they were very old, bringing an air of antiquity to the place, like a memory that was never to be erased. Alec loved it instantly. Before he knew it, he was absorbed by the the books, tracing each of their covers with his long, lean fingers. Dickens. Wilde. Shakespeare, of course. And then he saw them. There were some princeps edition of this author - he couldn't quite understand the writing as the books were placed on the bottom shelves.

He reached for it, forgetting that he was not in a library or a bookshop, but in someone's apartment. He immediately regretted his intentions as he heard someone clearing their throat behind him.

"That stays there. Always." Magnus was frowning and he had his arms crossed over his chest.

"I'm sorry. Is just, you have some nice books over here." Alec moved his hand away from the shelves as though he had just committed a sin by simply touching them. He continued to apologize and stutter.

"They're not mine. I just like to keep them here, in my apartment." Magnus tone was softer now but his posture indicated that it was very unpleasant for him to talk about anything related to those books.

Alec didn't know what to say, especially when he saw the sadness in Magnus' eyes as he seemed to remember something.

"It's okay. Just...Is tea okay? I have nothing else." Magnus finally spoke,trying to let go of the memory by frowning and waving his hand, dismissively, in front of his face.

"Yeah, tea is perfect." Alec ignored the sudden switch from one subject to another but thought that it was better to leave it as it was. Hemoved away from the shelves, regretting ever bringing that in discussion, and thought about where he could stay so he wouldn't touch anything again or ruin the mood somehow. He decided to lean over the couch, shoving his hands in the pockets of is leather jacket.

He watched Magnus head towards the small kitchen only to come back a few minutes later, holding two mugs, both filled with tea. As Magnus handed him his mug, Alec could tell by the smell of it that it was green tea. Ugh, he hated it.

So he sat there, awkwardly, holding a hot mug in his hands, not daring to taste its content. Magnus was watching him over the rim of his mug with a puzzled look. So Alec was forced to take a sip, but immediately regretted it. He swallowed it with a grimace all over his face and quickly placed the mug on the kitchen's counter top.

"I'm sorry. I can't drink this. I hate green tea." He was vigorously shaking his head. When he looked over to Magnus he saw that the man was holding in a laughter.

"What?" Alec was worried that he had done something wrong, again.

The moment he asked the question, Magnus couldn't refrain his laughter and began to chuckle. But then, as Alec was making all kind of weird faces, clearly disgust by the taste of the tea, Magnus burst out into laughter so loud that it scared Alec at first. Magnus' head was thrown back, his chest shaking powerfully and his eyes were watery.

Alec's cheeks were a shade of flaming red, but a small smile was curving his lips. He thought, at first, that he had done something wrong, that he had embarrassed himself somehow but as he looked over to Magnus, all he could see was pure happiness imprinted on his face.

He watched the man in front of him, absorbed by its beauty and cheerfulness. For a moment, it all faded away. There were no bookshelves hiding unforgettable memories, there was no bad taste in his mouth, there was no past haunting his every step. There was just them: Magnus and Alec, one laughing and the other one letting the beautiful sound reverberate through the thick, invisible walls of his safety bubble.

 _ _With that laugh__ _,_ Alec thought, _ _you could crawl inside my soul. And I would willingly let you.__ It hurt to accept the truth; that he was so weak, so vulnerable, but he couldn't ignore the feeling of complete serenity when he was around this young man.

Alec's eyes racked Magnus up and down. He was wearing a pair of loose black sweat pants that were hanging dangerously low on his hips and a a faded T-shirt, revealing his flat stomach, his collar bones and all the sharp angles of his face. He wasn't wearing make-up at all and Alec was struck once more by the beauty of this man. The question that followed immediately his drain of thought was "Who are you?" It was really all he could think about. Because a few hours ago he had been in the exact same place, watching the same man wearing funny colors on his eyelids, dancing and drinking all night and smiling to everybody that passed by him.

Now, the room was clean, not full of people, no loud music deafening him, only the noises from the TV and the lovely sound of a laughter, like the sweet clinking noise made my the bells.

But Magnus, even though he looked tired, even though his clothes were crumpled and he was wearing no make up at all, he was the same – he was still emanating energy from his every pore, the way he moved around the living room, the way his tongue danced when he was talking or laughing and the flavor – God, it drove Alec insane. It wasn't cologne, he was sure of that. It was just the way Magnus smelled: rich and deep and powerful and provoking.

The words that followed were inevitable.

"Do you want to go out with me?"

Magnus was still slightly laughing when Alec asked the question. He stopped for a moment, watching Alec with a sort of confusion.

"Wh – "

Alec didn't let him finish his sentence, but he took a few steps toward were Magnus was standing and leaned a bit forward.

His blush crept along his neck and Magnus could feel the heat coming from Alec's cheeks.

"I think you heard me the first time. But..." Alec's lips were shut closed only to be open by soft ones a minute later. He heard a small hitching gasp coming from his own throat and then they were kissing. He felt the bitter flavour of the green tea deluging his mouth and senses. But this time it was not only the herbal taste, but also a sweet and deep one; the taste of Magnus's lips brushing smoothly against his own. He moved his lips, synchronizing with the feeling of a hot breath in his own mouth, the long, lean fingers that were running through his hair. At some point, their bodies were so close that Alec could actually feel Magnus's heart beating along with his: one fast and uncontrollably, accompanied by a slightly tremble of the body, the other steady, and calm, and insecure; both completing each other, steadying each other on the ground, both damaged and broken, crying mutely for love. It was all too much to bare in one first kiss. They both pulled apart what felt like centuries later and in both their eyes it could be read: the ardent desire of having their mouths entangled one more time.

Alec was breathing very fast while Magnus was watching him with burning flames in his eyes. It was not only urge and lust smoldering inside them, but also confusion, and fear and intrigue. Alec could only guess and slightly hope Magnus was struggling with the same questions he was: how could someone you've barely met burn so mightily inside your veins?

If he had looked up, instead of dropping his gaze on the floor, he might have seen the answer in those glowing eyes: it wasn't about stumbling upon something novel and brittle, but upon something so familiar that his heart heart ached when it recognized. _ _Oh, it's you. It's going to be you.__

"Is that an yes?" Alec's voice came out like a low whisper.

There was an impenetrable silence and then he suddenly felt a thumb brushing along his cheekbone. The finger left burning traces on his cold skin. He lifted his hand just as Magnus dropped his and they met in midair, fingers entangled.

"Friday night?" Magnus' voice was too, a whisper.

Alec just nodded and before he left, he gave Magnus' fingers a soft squeeze, like a wordless promise.


	11. Chapter 11

At some point during his troubled sleep, Alec heard the alarm clock going off, but he didn't even try to wake up. Instead he threw a pillow in the clock's direction, sending it on the floor and, of course, breaking it. It that moment he didn't actually care about the damaged clock. And why should he when he was sure it was already not working properly? How could the alarm go off when he just went to bed ten minutes ago?

This is why at twenty minutes past eight, on Monday morning, Alec was running like never before to his class. The hallway was empty, silence troubled only by the thick voice of some teachers and by Alec's uncontrollable breathing. Five seconds later he stopped in front of a massive wooden door, calming himself down, trying to make his hair look somewhat normal and rearranging his notebooks. He pushed the door open and stepped hesitantly in the large classroom.

A few heads turned toward him, but Alec only noticed professor Starkweather's face who was not at all pleased.

"Oh, yes. Good morning, Mr. Lightwood. Should I get you a cup of coffee or should I go on with my lecture?"

"I am so sorry to..." Alec tried to come up with an acceptable excuse, but what was he supposed to say?

"Just take a seat and try not to disturb my class."

 _ _I am doomed__ _,_ Alec thought as he heard a group of girls from the front row laughing slightly.

"So, as I was saying before the interruption, today's subject is the etymology and origin of the word __legend__. I suggest you pay attention, as this is your theme for the project. Each pair will chose one legend and will describe its connection with history, literature and science fiction universe. Understood?"

"Now the word legend is a loanword from Old French..." Alec heard what the professor was talking while he climbed the few stairs leading to his seat at the back of the class.

When he reached his place, he saw Magnus rising to his feet, in all his tall and glittery grandeour. Magnus took a few steps aside and let Alec occupy his seat.

While Alec passed by him, he felt a hot breath against his ear and heard a soft voice whispering the world's most flirty and seductive "Good morning."

Alec's cheeks reddened and he almost lost his voice so he just mouthed a quick "Morning" before tossing himself in the uncomfortable chair, turning his attention to the notebooks in front of him.

It wasn't Magnus's presence that made him shy and uncomfortable, but everyone else's. He was in a public place, in one of the best colleges from the state, surrounded by a teacher and many students – some he knew, some he had never seen before - and all he could think about was Magnus's lips pressing smoothly against his own. Their uncommon taste and imperfect curves, the way they were moving along with Alec's heart beats. All he wanted in that moment was for the kiss to last forever and all he wanted right now was for the kiss to never end. That kiss to last an eternity. Or maybe fifteen more, because the kiss, just like Magnus himself, was pure magic.

Suddenly, two long fingers, encircled by shiny rings, slid over his notebook and Alec saw that they were pushing a piece of paper. Her focused on the writing and saw that there was a number written in beautiful, neat symbols. A _ _phone__ number.

He looked over at Magnus and the young man just dropped a wink in Alec's direction before turning his eyes overt to the blackboard.

Alec's fingers suddenly couldn't move. He didn't know what to do exactly with the number so he just kept on starring at the small sheet. What should he do? Memorize it? Save it in his phone agenda?

"Well, are you going to do something with it or just stare?" Magnus whispered. He was grinning and his eyes were shining. For a short second Alec was lost in their beautiful colors, completely forgetting about the teacher, the class, his own tiredness. Everything else faded, blinded by the most beautiful light in the world; light that lived inside bright yellow and emerald green; light that said more than words ever could.

"So?" Magnus' smile widened.

"I...was...just..you know...ugh.." Alec suddenly remembered that Magnus had asked him a question and all he managed to do was to make a fool of himself once more.

"Uh, for God's sake."

Magnus rolled his eyes and reached for Alec's pockets, tugging his hand in Alec's jeans, searching for the telephone.

 _ _Get your hand out of there__ _!_ , Alec's racing thoughts were saying but he couldn't form a single word. He just stared at Maganus's face, eyes popped open and face shocked like never before while two long and lean fingers were searching for something in his pocket, tracing the line of Alec's tensed thigh. Magnus was sure taking his time searching for that phone. Alec felt the blood leaving his face and hands. His mouth was slightly open in dread and horror. For a moment he forgot how to breath or if he had to.

Before he could say anything, he felt Magnus's lean fingers leaving his pocket, holding between them Alec's phone.

"I'll deal with it myself." Magnus moved his black-painted fingers very quickly over the keyboard and the phone let out a buzz. Magnus pulled his own phone from his tight black lather pants, pressed some numbers, put it on the desk and gave Alec his phone.

"Here you go." Magnus's eyebrow was raised and his lips slightly curved.

Alec reached for his phone and took it from Magnus' hand with a brusque move. He hid it quickly in his other pocket. Still frightened that anyone saw Magnus's gesture Alec scrutinized with one quick look the entire room. Luckily, no one was paying attention to them. Actually, no one was paying attention at all. There was a boy technically sleeping in the row next to Alec. The girls who laughed earlier were still gossiping and giggling. Other students were texting under their desks. Magnus was watching the teacher but his mind was far away, because Alec was sure that nothing that Mr. Hodge was saying could bring such a devious grin on Magnus' face. As for professor Starkweather, he seemed to be pretty deep in his lecture, actually thinking that the students were interested in being awake at eight in the morning, attending what they believed to be the most boring class of all. Alec figured that the majority of them were here only to fill their schedule with unnecessary hours spent in an uncomfortable chair in order to fulfill the University's requirements: 40 hours per week. It was either Mr. Starkweather's department – The History of Art, Ancient History and Archeology – or Universal History, Friday from 6 to 8 pm. It was hardly a choice at all.

Alec was almost sure he was the only one actually enjoying Mr. Hodges's class, paying very close attention to everything he said and taking lots of detailed and well organized notes. Every evening he would go home and highlight with black sharpies every title and important information so he could go to the library and read as much as he could about that subject. Yes, history was a passion for him and he was dreaming of majoring in History and maybe, someday, publishing his own work.

But for now, all he could do was to pay attention and learn from another person. Which was obviously impossible for two reasons: 1. He didn't get much sleep last night – in fact, he was sure he slept for only five minutes – and 2. There was this beautiful and very attractive man standing right next to him, a man whose kiss made Alec's stomach do all kind of flips and turns and whose hand had been in his pockets only a few minutes ago.

He moved to the edge of the seat, as far away from Magnus as possible. For the following fifteen minutes, Alec really tried to keep his head up and pay attention, but all he managed to do was to yawn every five minutes. Finally he decided to place his head on his desk and at least try and memorize what the teacher was saying, if he couldn't keep his head up and take proper notes. But his mind was totally somewhere else, coming up with all these theories and focusing only on what had happened at the beginning of the class. _ _God, how could Magnus be so reckless? They were in a classroom, during a lecture!__

At first, Alec tried to convince himself that Magnus' gesture wasn't as inappropriate as Alec initially thought, but then he remembered the way Magnus' fingers rested on his thigh for more than they should have. The way the corners of Magnus' lips lifted when he felt Alec's thigh tensing under his soft touch...Ugh, these thoughts were giving Alec an unwanted headache. He finally decided to give his mind the much awaited rest so the eyelids fell heavily over his eyes, the low deep voice of the teacher sounding in the backround lulling him to sleep.

* * *

"I'm going to give you ten minutes to discuss to your partners the theme of your project. After that, each pair will come and complete this chart with their full name and the theme they've chosen. Are we clear?" The teacher didn't actually waited for a response before adding. "Okay, ten minutes, then you're free to go." Alec heard the teacher's words like they were far, far away, draging, reaching his ears with long pauses. He just slipped again in darkness.

It wasn't long till he heard his own name in a sweet, low, voice.

"Alec..."

"Alec.."

The voice woke him up and he had to blink for a few seconds to see clearly. He saw Magnus' face slightly leaning over him and a beautiful smile curving the man's lips. It was hard to decide his best feature. Maybe it was those shiny and unusual eyes, or the thick, black hair, the way it fell over his eyes when Magnus leaned toward him. Or maybe it ways the way his lips danced when he talked or when he kissed.

"Alec...we have to go in a few minutes."

That was the moment Alec completely woke up. He woke up and he realized. He realized that he _woke up_ because he had fallen asleep during an actual lecture!

"Oh. My. God." was all Alec could say, although his mind came up with far worse sentences.

"Shh..." Magnus had his finger across his curved lips. "No one noticed, besides me, of course. So let's keep it that way, okay?" Magnus was whispering and his breath landed soflty on Alec's cheeks. When Alec inhaled he felt the citric scent of Magnus passing through his lungs, leaving a sweet trace behind it. "Now, try and look as awake as possible and let's go fill that chart so we can pass this class."

Alec was taken aback by Magnus' calm. Was he playing stupid? Because that seemed to be the only reasonable explanation. " _ _I__ _. F_ _ _ell. Asleep!__ During his lecture! Pass the class? I'm lucky if I'll ever pass the threshold of this building ever again!" Alec's voice was filled with panic and it was trembling along with his hands that had turned cold like ice.

"Shh." Malec gestured toward the front of the class, where a pair of students was speaking with the teacher. "Alec, calm down. I was kidding. Come one, everyone passes this class. Why do you think I am here?" Magnus' voice was now deeper, with a serious tint to it.

Alec lifted his had, hair falling all over his face and clouding his vision.

Magnus was watching him and apparently couldn't stop smiling.

Alec couldn't understand this man. There was nothing funny about this whole situation. All he wanted to do was sleep right then and there, because apparently his __nap__ only managed to make him even more tired, if that was possible. And on top of that, it looked like he was going to disappoint Mr. Starkweather once more, because he had nothing prepared.

"I don't know why you are here. But I am aiming for PhD in History. So no, I'm not calming down, because I just screwed my chance to whatever I wanted. So I am just going to freak out until I come up with a solution. I don't know, it may work if I apologize and...ugh... maybe he'll understand if I tell him that I was busy with..."Alec's hands were badly trembling and his voice became a low whisper as desperation took over him. He stood up, hesitantly, not knowing what to do. He passed by Magnus who was still in his chair, watching Alec with a confused look, and headed toward the professor's desk, almost falling down the stairs.

He had no idea what he was going to do. Maybe if he apologized, Mr. Starkweather would give him another day or two to think about this whole project thing...Alec suddenly felt a warm hand grabbing him by the elbow. He stopped walking and turned around to come face to face with Magnus.

"Alec, what are you doing? You are not alone in this project, remember?"

Alec was ready to turn around and walk away, but he suddenly remembered the first week of school, the hallway, __blue-eyed boy__ echoing down the hallways. He remembered his first impression of Magnus. __Magic. Breath-taking. Heart-ripping beauty.__ "Thursday in the library." were the words that left Alec's mouth.

"Yes, that's right. So I got this, Alec. Okay?" Magnus suddenly seemed serious.

Alec's body was still tensed, though he was more calm now. Calm enough to realize his plan was stupid and would lead him nowhere. He couldn't believe he actually forgot about Magnus taking part in this project too.

"Don't you trust me?" Magnus' smile was back, his eyebrow raised, challenging Alec to give him an answer.

 _Should I_? "With this ? Not really."Alec guessed the only way he could make it up to Magnus for almost ditching him was to at least try and do it in Magnus' way. He felt bad for the way he acted before, but being alone with Magnus in a dark apartment, Sunday night, was different from this. "But I guess your idea is smarter than mine."

"Hmm." Magnus passed by Alec, going down the stairs and pulling Alec along with him. He was clearly not pleased with the answer he had received.

"Professor Starkweather! We still have to put our names on the chart." It was Magnus who spoke.

"Oh, yes. Come on, hurry. There is another group of students coming in this classroom in a few minutes and I still have to rearrange some things over here."

"We're sorry for the delay," Alec apologized.

Mr. Hodge lifted his head from the papers spread on the crowded bureau. He watched the two students standing in front of him as he was fixing the glasses that kept falling down his nose. It struck Alec how much the professor had changed. He was much older than he had been last year and his conservative suit was loosen on his shoulders, not fitting the shape of the body that was now weakened by years. But even like this, professor Hodge Starkweather had that aura that only teachers could master. It surrounded him wholly and his only presence imposed respect. Alec immediately let his eyes fall to the floor.

"Oh yes, Mr. Lightwood and Mr. Bane. Interesting choice."

"And why is that, professor?" asked Magnus.

"Let's just say that the destiny is no matter of chance but of choice as William Jennings Bryan used to say. Hmm...interesting indeed. Now, let's get this over with. So, what theme did you chose?" Hodge handed them a piece of paper filled with the name of the other students while waiting for the answer.

Alec immediately looked over to Magnus, panic spread all over his face.

"The Wild Hunt. We chose the Wild Hunt." Magnus answered nonchalantly, smiling reassuringly toward Alec.

"Very good then. Write your names and you're free to go."

Alec leaned over the paper and began to write his name but the professor stopped him. "Full name. I clearly mentioned that earlier in class," he said, obviously annoyed that he had to repeat himself.

"Yeah, sorry. I forgot."

Alec turned the _ _c__ in his name in an __x__ and finished writing his full name. He handed the pen to Magnus and after a few more seconds they were exiting the class. But before they could step out of the door, Mr. Hodge spoke one more time. "I expect a very detailed project from you two. And Alec, get some sleep." He send them on their way and pushed the massive door behind them with a loud thrust.

* * *

"Well, that went pretty well."

"Do you think he saw me sleeping?" Alec looked very concerned.

"No, but I think he could tell you weren't paying much attention."

"And why is that?"

"Alec, don't get me wrong. You look gorgeous and all but you seem like you haven't slept in years."

Magnus noticed that Alec's cheeks were a flaming shade of red and a shy smile was curving his lips. "What?"

Alec looked away from Magnus and started to walk slowly. "Nothing...ugh..just that... I feel like it too. Not gorgeous, God, no! Like I haven't slept in years. Like that, not like, you know. Like tired. I mean I am tired." The cutest smile was flowering on Alec's lips and Magnus suddenly remembered they way they felt under his own. At first, they were rough and hard, Alec being taken by surprise, and then they moved slowly, soothing over Magnus' lips, sending shivers through his body and awakening feelings Magnus believed were long lost. God, he remembered the way he almost felt their heart beating as one as their months danced and tripped and found their way back to each other. Those moments Magnus needed no air to breathe, but Alec's scent to keep him sane.

Someone shouted in the hallway and it brought Magnus back to reality. Alec was still stammering and gesturing with his hands.

"When do you have your next class?" Magnus reached Alec and they synchronized their steps, walking towards the exit.

The young man seemed relieved that Magnus had changed the subject."It's not until 12. But I really have to catch up on some work before it begins."

"You've got to be kidding me! You've got to get some rest! You need to go to your room and sleep."

"Well, I can't. I came with Izzy's car and I can't walk till there, sleep, and then come back in time. There's no point. So I'll just go to the library. I'll be fine. I'll sleep tonight." As he spoke, Alec couldn't stop yawing.

"Yeah, sure. Come on, I'll drive you to your dorm."

"No, Magnus, I'm serious." They reached the parking lot, but Alec kept walking in the opposite direction, where ,a few blocks away, was the library.

Magnus grabbed him by the elbow one more time and stopped him. "Alec, it'll be fine. I don't bite."

Alec stopped walking and was now watching Magnus, scrutinizing the other man's face with his eyes now a shade of blue like a frozen sea.

Finally, he gave up and approached Magnus. "Fine. I'll come." He yawned again and it only strengthened his decision."I have one condition though." His cheeks begun to redden one more time.

"What is that, blue-eyed boy?"

Alec's blush deepened. Magnus found himself wanting to touch Alec's burning cheeks and then kiss his trembling lips.

Alec's eyes fell on the ground as he spoke. "You have to keep your hands to yourself." That made both of them laugh.

"Come on, Alec. Let's go." Magnus lead the way to a black Porsche 911 parked close to the exit.

Alec watched the car with an insecure look and when he heard the sound of opened doors, he reached for the handle like he was scared he could ruin something.

They got in and Magnus turned on the engine, clearly pleased with the mechanic sounds his car produced. He glanced over to Alec, wanting to remind him of the seat belt. The young man was almost pinned to his chair and Magnus couldn't help but to laugh when he saw Alec's weird and clearly uncomfortable position.

"You know you can sit properly. You're not going to break anything."

"You drive a Porsche. I'm not taking any chances."

Magnus put on his seat belt and rolled down the street towards the dorm.

 ** **Song:**** ** _ _ **This Old Heart**__** ** **by Gin Wigmore and then _For You_ by Julia Stone****

After a few minutes spent in awkward silence, Magnus decided to turn on the music, thinking that he could lighten up the mood. After all, he had the good-looking Alec in his own car. A chance like that didn't come every day. And although he knew Alec had asked him out, he had the feeling that it had been out of a strange impulse. Alec didn't overthink his words. He just spoke them. It was exactly what Magnus first thought of Alec: he wore his heart on his sleeve and he had no idea how badly he could damage it; or the ones around him.

"So, Alexander." This time Magnus couldn't deny it - the way the word enfolded around his tongue was no coincidence. He let the butterflies in his stomach fly freely, banging against his ribs, instead of putting them to sleep. "Like the warrior?"

Alec was looking out the window, his eyes wandering around the streets of New York, then he glanced up at the sky and finally turned around to face Magnus. "Maybe like the poet."

There was the silence again, so Magnus spoke.

" ' _Nobody loved like I loved. Nobody suffered like I suffered. We all say it. And we all are right.'_ "

Alec's lips were slightly parted and his eyebrows were almost hitting his hairline.

"You know about him. Of course you do. What other secrets are you hiding from me, Magnus Bane, secret lover of romanian poets?" Alec was smiling now and it drove Magnus crazy. His whole features were lightened, and the rays of the lazy morning sun landed on Alec's messy hair and on his eyes, borrowing them its majestic light. The sun and the sea were living inside Alec. And then there was the way he pronounced Magnus's name. The way Alec's lips closed together and then parted...

And then he could feel it. The one feeling he thought was long gone. He felt the hope that maybe Alec would be forever. And that maybe he was enough. He felt the infinite posibilities that this fall could offer him. And for a second, what he could only hope was the future, flashed before his eyes.

He let the undeniable euphoria of new beginnings deluging his feelings.

The tips of his fingers were itching for Alec's touch. His heart longed for him.

Magnus couldn't keep it in him any longer so with a sudden turn of the wheel, he pulled the car on a narrow street and opened the door. He practically jumped out from his seat and lunched for Alec's door, popping it open. He immediately stepped away from the car, as though he was giving Alec the possibility to walk away.

"Magnus, what the hell? What are you doing? You could have gotten both of us killed. Turning the car like that. Are you insane?"

"Alec, just please get out of the car."

"Wish granted. I don't want to die in a freaking car accident. I thought you were..."

His expression changed when his eyes met Magnus's. "I thought you...Magnus?"

"Alec." The word was a desperate breath of air.

So Alec came closer, his eyes not moving from the man in front of him. For Magnus, those moments in which Alec was moving toward him felt like an eternity. He wanted to do something, but his knees were slighty trembling and his heart was beating so hard it was imposible to think of anything else but its thug against his ribs. That - and Alec.

Alec who was now standing painfully close to him and looked slightly worried. Magnus couldn't blame him.

"I thought I could, but I can't. You're too much. I can't." His voice was low and deep and filled with so much desire it sent shivers down both their spines.

For a moment everything stood still, and none of them deared to move or to breathe the air separating them.

But when you feel eternity being layed before you, you do not waste it, so he kissed Alec. He kissed Alec like he was air and Magnus needed it to breathe. He pressed his lips against Alec's like he was light and Magnus needed it to see through all that darkness.

At first he felt Alec's tensed body against his own, the way his lips were frozen, slightly parted.

But as he felt surrounded by the warmth of Magnus' body, Alec began to move.

At first, he placed his hands slowly around Magnus' body, pulling him carefully against his own. His lips were tracing Magnus's, with softness and care, as though they were so precious to him. And then Magnus felt the intensity growing. Such a swift one that it made him cling to Alec.

Feeling his lips parted by Alec's insistent mouth, it made eevrything around him spin around.

Magnus let his tongue slid between their mouths and it etangled with Alec's, sending wild tremors in his nerves.

Their heads tilted sideways and Magnus' lips fell to Alec's bottom lip, leaving the shape of his teeth there, again, and again, and again, till Alec pulled back and gasped, his eyes closed and his lips red and swollen.

The young man let his head fall in the crook of Magnus' neck.

Magnus was feeling the taste of Alec's saliva all over his mouth and before he could think of anything else, he sensed hot, wet lips leaving wet marks against his right collar bone. Then they moved all the way up to the sensible skin right under his ear, swiftly sucking that spot for so long, Magnus felt torching blood flowing trhough his veins. Alec slowly breathed over that skin, cooling the wet, firey spot.

Magnus' fingers were sinking in Alec's soft, black hair and suddenly his head was slighltly pushed sideways, making him moan as he felt Alec's lips follow his jawline and then resting against his mouth, not quite fitting with it. So with halft of his lips Alec was breathing hard against Magnus' right cheek, and the other half was breathing along with Magnus' mouth.

It took only a slight movement of the head for Magnus to part from them and rest his forhead against Alec's.

They stood like that for a long time. Breathing and feeling each other, because in those moments that was all they needed.

"Alexander."

Alec slowly lifted his head and Magnus saw his beautiful eyes again.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away." Alec was smiling with a shade of shyness that slowly burned in Magnus's chest.

Both their lips were wet and swollen and Magnus couldn't stop looking at Alec's, wishing with all his heart that he could live like this forever. Kissing Alec. Alec kissing him back. Alec cutting the rope around Magnus's soul with his beautiful eyes and heart-breaking smile. Magnus not sure if he should let the warm feeling he got every time he was around Alec settle in his chest, or if he should chase it away. Magnus kissing Alec. Alec kissing Magnus.

For a few minutes they just stared at each other, smiling with no reason at all, letting the euphoria of the kiss run through their veins.

"We should...ugh..." Alec said, gesturing hesitantly toward the car.

"Yeah, we should."

They got back into the car. Magnus couldn't help but notice that Alec throw a glance around them to see if anyone was there and he couldn't help but feel his heart breaking a little.

In a few minutes they reached the dorm destined for the second year students.

"I should have kept that for Friday night." Magnus said while laughing quitely.

"So, you still want to go out with me?" Alec looked really surprised.

It really confused Magnus."Of course I do. What did you think? That I was doing charity?"

"I just...I wasn't sure."

"Alec, you have to stop playing hard to get. You are beautiful. And I do want to go out with you. Because I like you. __Because you make me feel like home and I forgot how that feels__ _._ Magnus thought the words, felt the truth inside his heart, but did not speak them, because they would scare Alec, but mostly because they would scare him.

Alec was watching Magnus with awe and hope and lust and so much more that Magnus had to look away. He looked away so he didn't see but only felt Alec leaning from his seat toward him. He felt his head being lifted by a long, lean finger. And then soft lips were pressed against his forehead, resting there for what felt like an eternity and his heart broke. Only to be put together, piece by piece, by Alec's next words.

"Every time I kiss you..." He stopped and sighed. "Every time I feel your lips under mine I am where I should have always been. I've found you."

Magnus lifted his gaze to meet Alec's and in those eyes Magnus was sure he saw something breaking. He wanted to lean over and kiss those eyes, meld them back together, but instead he moved away, because he knew Alec was scared. Alec was scared for letting those words leave his mouth and mind and there was nothing Magnus could do because it was not his war to fight. Alec had to do it alone.

He opened the doors with a simple click and expected Alec to get out and run inside the building. But instead Alec set in there for a few more minutes and after a while he spoke.

" ' _How great are the dangers I face to win a good name in Athens_.' " He let out a laugh but it was far from happy. Because if tears could be of happiness so could smiles be of sorrow.

Alec stepped out of the car, slowly removing his long feet from the carpet. He placed one feet on the sidewalk but was stopped to move further by Magnus' hand resting on his other knee.

"Alec, I'll see you on Thursday, right? At the library?" Magnus' voice was almost pleading.

"Of course, Magnus. Thank you." And with that he got out of the car, entering the dorm very quickly, without looking back even though Magnus watched him until he became a faded shadow inside the building.

And he didn't know if it was thank you for the ride, or thank you for anything else. All he knew was that his lips tasted like Alec and his heart longed for his touch. And he didn't know how not to be terrified by these feelings.

As he drove back to the school all he could think about was Thursday.

 _ _Alexander. Like the warrior?__

 _ _Maybe like the poet.__

 __Maybe like the one who can break your heart.__

* * *

 **A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.** ** **They belong to Cassandra Clare. The plot is obviously mine, but I try to stick to the books as much as this AU allows me.****

 ** **The quotes I used are in this order: The first one, said by Magnus belongs to the writer Alexandru Macedonsky and it is my own translation in English, as the quote is originally written in Romanian. The second quote, used by Alec belongs to Alexander The Great.****

 ** **Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. 3****

 ** **Hope you enjoy this chapter, although I am not so pleased by the final result. Let me know what you think in the reviews.****

 ** **Night Changer**** ** **: You are always the first one to review and I love it so freaking much! Your reviews make me very, very happy. Thank you for bringing a smile on my lips! Looking forward for your reviews.****

 ** **Angela**** ** **: I know, he was very brave and I love him for that! Thank you for the review. I love to read them , especially when you tell me you love my story. It means the world to me!****

 ** **Guestgirl**** ** **: Thank you, thank you so much! Here you go, another chapter.****

 ** **As for when I will update the next chapter, I honestly have no idea. I have to be honest with you guys and I will admit that I have been procrastinating all week. I had this one week holiday and my plan was to write, write, write. It didn't turn out the way I wanted, but I had to rest for a while. The last days of school were killing me and I ended up...well, not so well. Anyway, thank you for reading this! It means the world to me! Sorry for any mistakes. I don't have a Beta, and I am very, very tired right now!****


	12. Chapter 12

"I freaked him out, Catarina."

"Why would you say that? I don't think you did."

"Haven't you heard what I said? I pulled the car, with a turn that could have killed both of us, jumped out of it and kissed him like the world was ending then and there…"

"Magnus…"She was standing on the other side of the counter top, mixing some cranberry sauce. "I can only…"

"God, have I mentioned how good of a kisser he is? I literally…God, I shoved my hand down his pocket and took his phone. I _took_ his phone and put my number in it, Catarina." As he spoke, Magnus' head fell on the counter top, hair and palms covering his face. "Who the heck _does_ that?"

"Frankly, you. You do that all the time."

"That's not true. You know me. I am a jaded sophisticated."

"So that's what they call it now."

"Stop making fun of me. I'm telling you. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Look. You want my opinion? You wanted him to have your number. So now he does."

"He's not gonna use it. I know he's not. He's probably going to cancel our date too. I should just move across the country. Again. And avoid the embarrassment."

"I don't know why you are making such a big deal out of this. You're jumping the horse here. I think you should have patience. Wait and see what he does. But, okay. Let's say he doesn't want to see you anymore-"

Magnus groaned and it sounded muffled and full of desperation.

" _Okay, then_. Different approach. How did he react? When you kissed him, I mean."

There was a silence filed with that specific patience only a friend can offer. Catarina knew that Magnus must be thinking about Alec's reaction for the first time, analyzing it, trying to understand it and then give her a truthful answer.

It took two more seconds for Magnus to slowly remove dark hair from his eyes, revealing the shade of a smile in the process.

"He kissed me back." And Catarina could tell that it was more than just a simple kiss. But she decided not to push Magnus. She knew there was a line between friendship and intimacy so she stayed on the safe side. And also she knew there were some things you do not share, simply out of fear. Giving something a shape of sound and not only one of memory burdens it with too much hope.

She smiled and reached for the salt and pepper. She could tell Magnus was watching her.

"Why aren't you saying anything?"

She raised her eyebrows, but did not make a sound.

"I saw that, Catarina."

"Of course you did." She gave him a warm smile and then said, "What does this mean for you Magnus? He kissed you. So what does this mean?"

Magnus did not respond but proceed in playing with his phone. He suddenly jumped off his chair. "I don't like it when you play psychiatrist with me."

"Hey, you asked"

"Just play the cook. It's funnier. And more useful." He turned around and headed for his room. "I'm really hungry."

"Wow, the sky is blue."

"Ha ha. Funny."

"You're lucky I enjoy cooking. You'll be starving otherwise."

"I'll be eating mac and cheese." Magnus was already facing his room.

"For eternity!" Catarina shouted back. "And close the door, or all your clothes will smell like steak."

"Like really, really good steak, though."

She smiled and turned towards the oven, hearing the door to Magnus' room closing behind him.

So Alec kissed him and it made Magnus really happy. And not just any kind of happy, but floating-around-when-you-think-about-it happy.

She decided that the steak was going to be extra good that night.

* * *

It was one hour later, while she was enjoying a well-deserved glass of wine and the steak was resting in the oven, waiting to be served, when she heard the knocking on the door.

She thought about asking Magnus to answer, but he was probably studying and she had tomorrow free, so she left her comfortable place on the couch and headed for the door. There was another knock, more insistent this time.

"Yes, I'm coming."

A few seconds later, she regretted getting up.

"What?" It was rude, but he deserved nothing more.

"Hello to you too, sweetie. Isn't this Magnus' apartment?"

"What do you want?"

"Magnus." His smirk made her want to punch him.

"I am strongly suggesting you to leave unless you behave. I am going to ask one more time. What do you want?"

"Okay, okay. That was a little inappropriate. I actually forgot my tie here last Saturday. I came here to take it back."

"And you needed Magnus for…?"

"I was thinking he might know where it – well – ended up in the process." The smirk was back.

"You had no tie." This time was Magnus who spoke. He stood behind Catarina. His posture was rigid, his hands shoved so deep in his pockets they could have come out on the other side. He was frowning, and his eyes were full with anger mixed with something Catarina couldn't well distinguish.

"Magnus."

And Catarina noticed the way the word made Magnus' body even more tensed. His jaw was tightened and the words he said next came out through clenched teeth.

"Why are you here?" Magnus was fighting hard to look indifferent. After all, it wasn't the man's fault for what happened Saturday night. But he shouldn't have come here.

"Look. Actually, I wanted to see you." The words made Magnus sick to the stomach and Catarina could very well tell. "After that night at the party –"

"There is nothing after Saturday night. Actually forget about Saturday night. It never happened," Magnus' voice was steady, but Catarina could see his bottom lip was furiously trembling.

The tall, dark-haired stranger took a step toward the entrance of the apartment. Catarina didn't know if what she did next was wrong, but she grabbed the door by its knob and gave the man a disapproving nod.

She felt Magnus' hand resting on her shoulder. "It's okay. I can handle this. You go," he whispered reassuringly in her ear. So she went.

On her way the kitchen she heard Magnus' next words and felt a sudden wave of fury taking over her. Not furry towards the man standing outside their apartment, but towards Magnus for letting himself be treated like that.

"Look, I don't know what that night meant to you and I don't know and neither do I want to know why you are here. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. Forget about that night, forget about me and don't come here again, okay?" said Magnus. He stepped towards the door and closed it with a simple push.

When Magnus came in the kitchen, she was fighting back tears.

"Is the stake ready? It smells really –'' Magnus stopped in mid-sentence when he noticed the look on Catarina's face.

He wanted to say something but she stopped him with a wave of a hand.

"Magnus, I am going to say this once and you're going to let me talk." The tone of her voice left no room for any other comments. It trembled with emotion but it was steady anyway. "You are right. I am not your shrink. I am your friend. I am more than your friend, or at least that's what you are to me. I know you for more than ten years and I've seen you when you were so broken I thought there was no way back, and then I watched you pulling it all back together. And I know it's not over and probably will never be. But we swore we would only move forward and what you're doing, God, this is not, Magnus…" Her voice broke and Magnus wanted to come closer, but she stopped him. "No. I said you're going to let me finish. You are not moving forward. You are now digging a hole and you're going deeper and deeper. And at first I didn't say anything because it was summer, we were having fun before college, but this has to stop. You should never, but never again, let those men hurt you like that… Treat you like, God, like you're…" She was crying now, not even trying to hold it in anymore. She wiped her eyes and cheeks with the kitchen towel and went on talking. "I think – no – I _know_ you need to go back. You need to go back and finish what you started. I know you are afraid, and it will hurt like hell, bringing back those memories, but you need to. Sign those damned papers and get those money, because they are no use in that bank account. And the lawyer is going to keep on calling and on sending e-mails if you don't go."

"Let him call, I don't care. Let him call."

"You need to talk to him so it'll all be over. Ignoring something, refusing to aknowledge it, it doesn't make it go away. When it'll come back to you, it's going to hurt ten times worse. And I think it's already beginning. Listen to me, Magnus. Four years is enough. It's enough. Go get the damned money."

Magnus was furiously shaking his head. "No, I can't. You know I can't."

"Don't use it. Burn it. Throw it away. But it's yours, so take it."

"It's hers, Catarina. Not mine."

"She's dead, Magnus. So it's yours." Her words were gentle but that doesn't mean they hurt any less.

His head shot up. There was so much anger in his eyes.

Her lips were trembling and so were her cold as ice hands. She went too far. She had to.

"Don't you dare!" Magnus' voice was shaking as he whispered the words. He then pointed an accusatory finger toward her."Never again do you mention her. You have no right to use her against me! Don't you dare MENTION HER AGAIN!" He turned around and stepped inside his room. When the door closed, the walls trembled.

* * *

"So…what's with the face?" Isabelle was leaning over her side of the table, shoving her face in front of Alec's computer. They were sitting in their favorite pub, which was Taki's, though it took some conviction from Izzy to make Alec not study in the library.

"There's no face," said Alec, his eyes glued to the screen.

"There is _definitely_ a face, and I think it involves Magnus."

"Hmm?" He looked at Izzy for a moment, than back at the screen. Then back at Izzy.

"You know, it's kind of pointless to pretend, so you can stop it now. One, because I saw you leaving with him the other day from school, and two, because you've been starring at the same page for," she threw a quick glance over her watch, "thirty four minutes now."

"It's really hard to concentrate when you keep talking."

"If you have something to say on who's leaving their tie on my desk, then I have something to say about who makes you smile and then frown every five seconds."

"I just… There's nothing to - "

"Oh, Alec, spare me. You know what? If you want to act like that, then fine. I don't even know why I bother. You've always been like that. Maybe you'll get drunk, and then you'll tell me."

Alec's laptop suddenly closed. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you never talk to me and it really hurts. To see you can't trust me, it really hurts."

They stood like that, both of them watching each other, both f them too stubborn to talk. But Isabelle was right and Alec knew it.

"What do you want to know? Hmm? You want to know that he put his number in my phone and then he offered to take me to my dorm and I said yes, because I'm weak like that? When he looks at me and smiles and then kisses me, I'm weak. And it's really, really hard to think when I'm near him. And I hate it. I hate that I can't control myself and I kiss him back and then I go all poetic on him and leave him in the middle of the street without an explanation. Because if you want me to tell you all of that, I will, but I'm pretty sure you're gonna look at me like you're looking at me right now and realize how childish all of this is. Because it is. It's like high school all over again."

There was silence after that, and Alec looked around the diner to see if anyone heard his words. But no one did, as usual. The other students were too busy with their own work to pay attention to anything else.

"OK." Isabelle's voice made him focus on her. She was looking at him over the rim of her glass filled with Frappe. She was frowning a little as though she was thinking about something. "Anything else?"

"That was Monday. And I haven't called him. And I've been kind of avoiding everyone on the hallways." Alec sighed. "I just…I don't know what to do."

"You said Monday?" And after Alec approved with a nod she continued. "Then you call him. You never call on the same day, or the day before. You call on the third day. That's a rule. You call and ask for – you ask about a project. And then you have it from there. Just call. That's the hard part."

Alec just looked at her in awe and something that looked a lot like confusion. "There's a _rule_? A rule of calling back?"

Izzy nodded and sipped noisily from her drink.

"Oh, and Alec?"

"Yes?" He seemed terrified of more rules.

"This is nothing like high school. It's never going to be like high school ever again."

"Yeah, I hope so."

"No. It's not. I promise." And her eyes, glued on his, made him trust her promise.

"And one more thing. I'm gonna need every detail of everything that followed that kiss."

"Ha. I figured. Gotta go." He stood up, put some money on the table, kissed Isabelle on her forehead and stepped outside of Taki's, with his phone already in his hand.

 _You reached Magnus' voice mail. You know what you have to do._

" _ **Hey, Magnus? It's Alec. Alexander. Just Alec.**_ **It's Alec Lightwood** _ **. I mean you should know who I am by now. You put your number in my phone and vice versa so you should already have it saved in your phone…So you put it there, and I thought I should call. Crap – how do you delete these thin – beep.**_

" _ **Hey, Magnus. It's me again, Alec. Don't bother listening to the other message. It's me rambling It's me rambling here too, so, there you go. Crap, it's gonna end again. I'm just going to be really quick. How are you?"**_

* * *

It was pass midnight and Catarina was back at her own apartment. She knew she went too far with Magnus, but this wasn't their only fight. There had been some more back at Santa Monica. At least she kept telling herself that, because she couldn't wipe one image from her mind: Magnus' eyes getting bigger and bigger as realization hit him. The way he took a sharp breath when she had mentioned _her_ , how his body shook with a sudden tremble and the disappointment and fear written all over his face. She knew that, for a moment, even insignificant as it may seem, he had been afraid of her; afraid that the one person he trusted the most was now betraying him. It broke her heart to see him like that and to know that she had caused it all, but it hurt her even more to see Magnus come out of her room, that Saturday night, with his body itching every step of the way, and then see the regret and sorrow in his eyes tonight, when he had to face that man.

She could only hope Magnus would forgive her for mentioning the money, and his mother, and his past. She hoped he would forgive and understand, but most of all she hoped he would listen to her advice.

And just in case he doubted her even for a second, before she left, besides leaving him the stake in the oven, ad taking the wine with her to prevent any incidents, she slid a piece of paper under his door. It wrote:

" _When in the morning light I wake_

 _Show me the path of love to take_

Remember _?"_

It was around two a.m. when she received a message from Magnus.

 **I'm going.**

 **I'm taking a flight. Will text you with other details.**

And then:

 **Thank you.**

And then another one, saying:

 **Always.**

 _ **Your angels watch me through the night,**_

 _ **And keep me safe till morning's light**_.

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Captain has turned off the Fasten Seat Belt sign, and you may now move around the cabin. However, we always recommend to keep your seat belt fastened while you're seated. In a few moments the flight attendants will be passing around…" and Magnus heard no more. He made sure he texted Catarina the flight number and the arrival hour, then put on his headphones.

When he heard the voice on the other side of the line, he couldn't help but smile.

" _ **Hey, Magnus? It's Alec. Alexander. Just Alec…**_

* * *

 **A/N: I know you must hate me. It's been more than - what? – three months? Are you still reading this? If you are, then I hope you'll enjoy it. I'm sorry it took me so long to update.**

 **Also, the Malec kiss in Shadowhunters? So good! So proud of the actors and writers!**

 **And not so good news: final exams are coming, so probably I'll update again sometime around the end of June? I don't know. I hope so. Please review and let me know what you think about this chapter. I love it when you do. It made me really happy to read your thoughts o the previous chapter. You seemed to like it** **3**

 **Alsooo, I know it's not fair to all of you who read this right after I update, but: 1. I divided the chapters. So sorry for making you think I updated like four chapters all at once.**

 **2\. I changed some things to the previous chapters: the one with Magnus' party and the man who appears in this one. It's nothing too big or important; and also the kiss in ch.11(the previous one). I thought our boys deserve every kiss to be special. I don't know. At first I thought I made it better. Then I wasn't so sure. I'm still not.**

 **Also, sorry for all the POVs in this chapter.**


	13. Chapter 13

„ _ **Magnus, it's me again.**_ _ **We're still on for tomorrow, right?"**_

 _ **Thursday. 9:00 am**_

 _ **„So it's Thursday. See you at five at the library."**_

 _ **3:47 pm**_

 _ **„Magnus, it's Alec. Is everything okay? Do you usually ignore your phone like that? I'm just worried. "**_

 _ **4:30 pm**_

 _ **"Okay. So you haven't answered yet. I hope everything is fine. I'll be at the library and I'll bring the laptop. Just...be there?"**_

"Hello, Clary. Is everything okay?" Alec stepped inside the library. The building was the pride of the University. Placed in the middle of the campus to draw every eye on its ancient, imposing facade. The rest had been modernized years before, but the same old grandeur could be seen in the well mastered combination of marble and glass.

The first thing Alec noticed when he stepped inside was that the library was quieter than usual. There was complete silence, not the usual low murmur of a crowded library. Clary was standing at Luke's office and she looked very distracted.

Alec had to repeat his question to be heard by Clary.

"Oh, Alec. I'm sorry. I was thinking about something. How are you?"

"Just the usual. I came to study for a project. I'm actually waiting for someone." As he spoke Alec turned his head around, as though Magnus would appear in any moment.

"Oh, yes. Actually the reading room is closed for today. If you want a book I can bring it to you, but that's about it."

"Oh, why? Is everything all right?"

Clary gave him a half reassuring smile.

"It's Luke. He couldn't come to work today. I had to step in, but I have a lot of work myself, so we just closed for the day. Can I help you with something? What book do you need?"

She looked eager to change the subject so Alec handed her the piece of paper with five titles of books that could help him and Magnus with the project.

Fifteen Minutes later Clary came back from the History of Art section with three of the books and when Alec saw how much he had to actually read he told Clary to forget about the other two.

One hour and a half later, Alec was still in the same chair, having read only twenty pages from the book he was holding. He couldn't stop checking his phone and frowning at the notification-free screen.

He suddenly caught a glimpse in his peripheral view of the pretty red-headed girl sitting in the chair next to him. She handed him a cup of tea over the table.

"Is that someone not showing up?"

"We – I mean, yes, I guess he's not showing. I mean - that someone is not showing."

"Are you okay?" She smiled while she was talking. It was really calming, but Alec was not the sharing type.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be? No. It's fine. It was just a project thing." He paused for a while. "Are _you_ okay? You seem...off," he added quickly to fill the awkward silence that was beginning to settle. And Alec figured he preferred making small talk with Clary than thinking about why Magnus hadn't showed up yet.

She waved her hands dismissively. "Just something with my mom."

"Is she all right?"

"Not really. But, um – Luke is taking care of her now. So that's why I'm covering for him." She was still frowning, even after she stopped talking.

Alec felt the need to soothe her. "He seems like a really good guy. Luke, I mean. He seems really nice"

"Yeah, he truly is." A shade of a smile appeared on her lips. "He's been around since Simon and I were really little. I still remember how he used to take us to Central Park when Mom needed her privacy to paint. One time – wait do you want to hear about it?"

Talking about her childhood seemed to make Clary really happy. And seeing her like that, with her eyes sparkling and her pimples dipped in the redness of her blush – even though he knew by now he wasn't attracted by girls – he had a strange feeling in his stomach and he could understand why Jace spent his entire time at the party sprawled on a couch next to a red-headed girl.

And with her story, half an hour passed and there was still no sign of Magnus, and when Clary finished telling him about the time she and Simon got lost in Central Park, he decided it was time to go.

After saying his goodbye and returning the books, Alec stepped outside of the building. It was raining. He hesitated for a minute just in time to hear the door opening behind him. It was Clary.

"Hey, Alec. Remember that concert I told you about? Simon's concert?"

It took him a moment. Finally he responded. "Oh, yes definitely. I'll try and bring the whole group. When is it?"

"That would be great. Thank you. Well, um, next Friday. Do you think you can make it?" Her smile was warm, unlike the weather outside. Alec was wearing only a blue T-shirt and he now had goose bumps all over his arms.

"I'll try my best. But I think we'll be there."

She turned around, waving goodbye, but stopped in the last second.

"I'm really sorry for that someone not showing up."

"Yes. So am I." It was very unlike him to talk about these things with people he just met, but unlike him it was to confess to his sister that he kissed a guy – which was _also_ unlike him. But Magnus, Magnus did something to him. The way he smiled when he looked at Alec sometimes during class, or on the hallway, the way he kissed, the way he talked or recite poetry. It was like a riot of color. The way Alec felt when he was around Magnus. There were the butterflies in his stomach, the electricity between them, the passionate kisses and touches that set fire to his skin. And then there was something else Every time he was near Magnus, Alec felt like the whole world fell silent around them. It wasn't like you read about in books, that time stopped only for the two of them and neither did the world spin around so fast you couldn't see clear anymore. No. Being around Magnus felt just _right_. He could breath again, almost hearing his regular heartbeat in his chest.

He remembered being with Magnus, driving through New York toward his dorm, their knees slightly touching. The way his muscle relaxed when he heard his low, soft voice reciting those verses...

Those words he said in a rush while getting out of a car weren't said without thought. He _had_ found him. A riot that brought him peace.

And now, when Magnus wasn't even answering his phone, it seemed as though the colors faded away. And he hated that he was so dependent. He hated that he didn't know what to make of these feelings, these symptoms taking control over his action like a virus. He hated that Magnus- someone he barely knew – could walk away so easily leaving him struggling.

He stepped in the heavy rain, hoping the never ending pouring drops could wash away these...this _all._

* * *

 _ **8:03 pm**_

 _"_ _ **Okay. This is getting ridiculous. I went to the library. It's closed. So I went to your room here in the campus. And some guy, Raphael I think, kicked me out and said that if you don't return his calls he's gonna kill 'that idiota'. And I'm quoting. Are these voice calls bothering you? I don't -"**_

 _ **"Izzy, call me?"**_

"Alec, is everything alright?"

"Yes. I mean, no. It's..."

"Alec, hurry up, will you? I'm getting ready for a party!"

"Oh, okay. It's nothing. Just don't make any plans for next Friday night. We have to be somewhere. Tell Jace too."

* * *

 **9:37pm**

 **_"_ _Okay, Magnus. I'_ _m_ _sorry if I'm bothering you. I'm just worried. I went to your apartment, in Brooklyn and no one answered. Just let me know if you are okay. Th_ _at_ _'s all."_**

It was passed midnight and Alec still couldn't sleep. All he could think about was how stupid and clingy he might seem to Magnus. He had sent over five messages only to check on him while Magnus was probably hungover after some party and didn't make it to school.

And still he couldn't stop but worry.

And worry he did. Because it was Friday noon and Magnus hadn't given him any sign at all. Alec supposed their date was off. Actually, he supposed their entire _thing_ was off. Magnus couldn't have made it any clearer.

And yet, and yet, and yet...

* * *

His entire day had been awful: Izzy was definitely hungover after her party last night, though you could tell only if you knew her very well. She passed by Alec, all bright and shiny, but her smile was just _wrong,_ crooked sideways like she was forcing the corners of her mouth to lift _._ She told Alec about Max and their mother coming back to New York sometime next week. Then she went back to her last class and off to her room to sleep. Alec had also seen that Raphael guy on the hallway and he turned around immediately. Not because he was afraid or ashamed or anything. No. He was so furious by then he felt like he could punch anything passing by him. His last class had been a complete nightmare. He could barely sit in his chair. When the bell rang, he practically flew from his sit and rushed outside, throwing his school supplies in the back of his car and drove straight to the gym.

The treadmill wasn't fast enough, though his legs were shaking after he finished running, the stairs were too slow and his head was spinning, the weight machine made his arms sore. And only after he finished working with the punching bag did he feel like some of the tension was released. His knuckles were red and blunt. He was sweating and his limbs were vigorously shaking.

Back in the locker room, he was breathing very fast, taking deep gulps of air. _Too much, too much_ his brain was screaming. But he could not ignore the incredible feeling and euphoria that took over his body after a really good workout session.

Back at his dorm, he threw his bag with the sweaty clothes in the bathroom and collapsed on his bed, on top of his sheets.

If this is what it took to make him stop thinking, he was happy about it.

Five minutes later he was fast asleep, his chest rising and falling back regularly.

It was a miracle that he heard the knocks on his door. He threw a glance to the clock: **23:04**. Whoever was playing this stupid joke on him, would be punched in the face if he continued knocking.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock_.

Who on earth was at his door when it was almost midnight?

Alec tried to ignore the sound and turned over the other side.

 _Knock_.

And that's when it hit him: What if?

He got up.

He took two steps toward the door, hesitantly.

What if?

His heart was in his throat. He had two more steps.

What if?

He couldn't breathe. Hi fingers grabbed the door handle.

He knew who was at the door seconds before he opened it.

Of course. It was him. It was always going to be him, from now on, wasn't it?

* * *

"Alec." His lips were visibly trembling, even in the darkened hallway. The only light was coming from Alec's window, a street light placed right outside Alec's room. Its cold light landed on Magnus face and Alec could see the dark circles under his eyes, the too sharpened angles of his face, his mouth which was now a simple straight and pale line.

His hair and shoulders were wet. His breath was sharp. Where had he been?

"I'm so sorry. I am deeply, truly sorry," the man said after what felt like minutes of silence.

Alec opened his mouth and then closed it again. His eyes fell to the floor. He couldn't look at this tired, wet Magnus and still be angry with him. And he needed to be angry: at Magnus, at himself for caring too much, at Izzy for being too busy to be there for him. He needed to be angry or he needed a very good explanation.

"It's fine,"he managed to say. "Actually no, it's not. But I'm too tired right now and so are you. It's almost midnight."

"Please, Alec. I need you to listen to me. Just listen." He didn't give Alec time to make any decisions. The next words flew from Magnus' mouth fast and uncontrollably. "I was gone these two days. I left Thursday at 2 or 3 am and flew all the way to Santa Monica. I was there for a day. I had to wait on a freaking chair more than four hours and then there were... _things_ I had to do and papers to sign and people to meet. I took the next flight home as soon as possible. My battery had died. I called Catarina from the airport and I wanted to call you. I figured you must be waiting for me. But I don't know your number by heart. I'm so, so sorry Alec. I drove as fast as I could and I charged my phone in the car. That's when I listened to all your messages. And I know it's late and you look really tired and I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, but I just wanted you to know that I didn't forget. I never forgot about you, Alec. And I came. To apologize. And to see you."

Magnus was breathing so fast by the time he was finished. His cheeks were flushed and drops of water were falling on the Alec's doormat from his wet hair.

"You should come in and dry your hair." While Alec said those words, he moved away from the door, gesturing for Magnus to enter in his room.

When Magnus passed by him, Alec leaned a little closer and whispered something in his ear. "If nothing else, it ruins your perfectly put together outfit." He couldn't help the laughter that followed that. And to his surprise, Magnus started laughing too. With giggles and snorts at first, and then so loud, his head was thrown back and his stomach was shaking. Alec feared he might wake someone.

"Shh," he said, and without realizing he put his index finger over Magnus' cold lips. They were staying so close (so close). And Magnus smelled like rain and overwhelming Californian heat and airport sweat. It was so hard for Alec to keep himself from kissing him. When his breath was Magnus' breath and their eyes searched for each other. So close.

Magnus lifted his hand and entangled it with Alec's finger, ,lowering their hands and bringing them together.

"Alec."

And Alec closed his eyes. And to Magnus' heartbreak, he shook his head and whispered a soundless "No."

He also took a few steps back, surrounded Magnus and headed for the bathroom. When he came back, the other man was standing still in the same place as before. Alec handed him the towel.

"I should make you some tea. You don't want to catch a cold."

"Alec."

"Can you drive home? Or you want me to?"

" _Alec_!"

"Magnus, don't!" It came out too sharp, too loud. "Just – don't." The words were almost a whisper again. "It's late, and I can't – I _won't_ – deal with this right now. It's just so much. Too much."

"Alec, talk to me please." This were soothing, reassuring words.

"It's just – you left. And I get it now. I'm not mad anymore. But it made me think. It – we went head in. Actually, head and arms and mouth – all in. We didn't think, and everything was going _so_ fast. And I – I really need to say this. I like you, Magnus. A lot, actually. It's hard to stand next to you and not touch you. And God, that day on the alley, the kiss, and the touching, the _breathing_. But we don't know each other. We just met. We haven't even gone on our first date yet." Alec stopped and his eyes rested on Magnus. "Magnus, I don't want to crush into you. I want to take it all in. Slowly, carefully...longer." He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, waiting for Magus to say something after this stupid, crazy made-on-the-spot speech. And when he opened them he saw him.

Magns was smiling. Shy and coy, and very, very beautifully. It made Alec smile all the way up to his eyes, which suddenly lit up with happiness and when Magnus saw his smile it made him want to kiss Alec's wrinkles all the way down to his mouth. Then rest his lips over Alec's where he found he liked them the most.

But Alec was right. H e was the one to bring both their feet back on the steady ground. All that flying and falling can make you dizzy. But with Alec it was no more dizziness, but taking, breathing, letting in.

"Alec." They were standing close again, but not like before. Still, his voice was low and deep. "I'm sorry I left." The next words were on the tip of his tongue. But Magnus knew that sharing some things with someone meant burdening them because it was too heavy to carry it all by yourself.

He sighed deeply and it felt as though the air landed in the middle of his chest, where they say those twenty one grams rest inside of you.

"I remember you saying you've found me. But I can get lost so, so easily. So I know sometimes you'll have to keep on finding me." The words trembled on his lips.

When had the courage to look at him, Magnus saw that Alec's eyes were so big, like oceans trapped inside a human body. Alec stared at him for a moment and then he took a few steps closer, putting his arms around Magnus, resting his head on the crook of his neck.

"I'll always come. I promise I'll always come," Magnus whispered against his ear.

"You came."

"Yes, I came. I came to see you."

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec. He was taller than him, so Magnus' head rested perfectly on top of Alec's as they were hugging. He missed him so much. He missed hearing his voice and breathing in his sent. He missed having him so close.

And then Magnus began breathing slowly, trying to pull himself together. His eyes spotted the clock on the wall and he took in a sharp breath. "Alec, it's still Friday,"he said as he drew away from him to look Alec in the eye.

"What?"

Alec turned toward the clock. **23:47**

"I don't - **"**

 **"** I owe you a date."

"Now?"

Magnus didn't answer, but headed for the door, opening it silently while throwing the towel on Alec's bed.

"I'll take care of that later," he said when he heard Alec's disapproving nod. It was then when he realized Alec's dorm room

was in perfect order. But he had no time for that. He had less then fifteen minutes to make it to that place. And he still had to stop somewhere on the way.

* * *

"You're taking me to the hospital on our first date?"

"Catarina works here. On Fridays she's the night shift. I have to take something from her." Before he stepped out of the car, he turned toward Alec, grinning. "Are you grumpy when you're tired?"

Alec laughed and wrinkled his nose toward Magnus. "Be quick."

* * *

 **Starlight – Muse (** _ **listen**_ **to this!)**

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. Stop asking so many questions."

"Brooklyn?"

"Hey, slow down, Sherlock. I want it to be a surprise."

Alec's eyes were wondering on the never sleeping city as they were crossing the bridge. And then his head snapped in the direction of the radio when he heard the song.

His smile was so wide it drove Magnus crazy.

"Louder," Alec said in a whisper, his mouth shaping each letter perfectly.

Magnus pressed a few buttons and while they were crossing the bridge, the music was blasting through the speakers and the roof suddenly disappeared.

Alec's eyes widened as the sky above the so glowing and so alive New York was right above him.

He couldn't stop smiling and then laughing so loud, his chest was shaking.

"Our hopes and expectations,"he shouted toward the starless sky.

Magnus looked at him in awe and surprise before turning his eyes back on the road. Alec's head was thrown back, his eyes were closed, his lips slightly parted, black hair flying in his face. And then his arms were thrown into the air, his chest rising fast as he breathed and for a moment Magnus thought the blue-eyed boy might fly away.

 _Black holes and_ _r_ _e_ _velation_ _s_

 _Hold you in my arms_

The city was going by so fast.

 _I just wanted to hold_

Everything was a riot of color and blinding light.

 _You in my arms_

Two boys, one with the smell of sand and Californian sun on his skin and a beautiful smile all over his face and the other smiling and feeling so alive, while the air of his city was rushing so fast around him, he could hardly breathe.

* * *

 **A/N: O, God, I've missed these boys and all the other characters so much. But I'm back, and my mind is full of crazy ideas and my hands are dying to write them down. Let's hope it lasts. See you soon (I hope) with the next chapter which is** _ **their date**_ **. But. First. Review, my darlings. Also, listen to that song while reading.**

 **Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter.**


	14. Chapter 14

**For my Great Manifesto,**

 **May your love fly to the stars.**

* * *

"Where are we?"

Magnus parked the car on a narrow street, behind one of the apartment buildings in Brooklyn, but Alec could tell it wasn't anywhere near where Magnus lived. They were on a different side of the borough.

Magnus' door was already pushed open. "It's Catarina's place. That's why I stopped to the hospital. To take the keys. Now come. I want to show you something." He stepped out of the car letting a breeze of cold air cool the temperature inside it. Alec reached for the door handle but then he hesitated. It hadn't been a good idea to leave the dorm in his sweet pants and a loose blouse and ride in a convertible in the middle of the night. When they made it off the bridge, and Alec's singing moment was over, Magnus pulled the car on the side of the road, pushed some buttons,bringing the roof back over their heads, and started heating up the car, while mumbling something along the lines of "We're both going to catch a cold, especially after what I have in mind."

Alec didn't pay too much attention to those words back then, but now it all came to him. What did Magnus actually have in mind for this date? What were they doing over at Catarina's apartment? He wasn't really comfortable with having their first date in the apartment of a person he barely knew.

 **Song: _Turn Our Eyes Away_ by Trent Dabbs and Ruby Amanfu**

When he finally stepped out of the car he saw Magnus waiting for him next to the building door. It stopped raining right after they left his dorm, but the air was cold – too cold for the beginning of autumn – so Alec could see the mist forming around Magnus: little clouds circling his face. The street lights were casting shadows over his body and Alec could see the tiredness under the man's eyes, his furrowed eyebrows betraying his nervousness. Something was off. Something happened to him while he was away. It was that or Magnus was really nervous, because Alec had just spent minutes in the car doubting this whole thing.

He pushed the door shut without looking behind and heard the _click click_ of the car being locked by the remote in Magnus' hands. Magnus didn't wait for Alec to reach the entrance, but stepped inside.

Alec strode over to the building and then to the elevator where Magnus was waiting, leaning against the wall. When they were finally side by side, Alec wanted to say something, he felt like he should. But before he had the courage to, he heard Magnus' low voice and sensed the amusement in it. "So...You're a fan of Muse, huh?"

Alec giggled. "Yeah. You might say I have a thing for them – freaking out when I hear them on the radio. More like an obsession, really."

"I get it. Queen is mine. Still so mad I didn't make it to one of their concerts," Magnus said while leaning over even more, to push the elevator's button. His black t-shirt rode up over his left hip, revealing to Alec's wandering eyes a glimpse of a curved line going from his stomach down the waist line. Everything else was covered by the fringes of his burgundy scarf.

And even when he realized where his eyes were resting, Alec couldn't look away. A sort of hunger he didn't know before took over him. It wasn't just lust. Lust he felt before, lust he understood. But this, this was need to have Magnus' skin under his fingers, to memorize every scar, every shape, every soft edge that undulated his so beautiful body. He let his eyes travel from there over Magnus' chest, the v-line of the t-shirt highlighting the collar bones, then his absorbing look rested a bit on his lips, curved by such a beautiful and warm smile…

Magnus' laughter stopped seconds ago, when he noticed Alec's way of looking at him, and he searched for his eyes, desperate and needy, taking a slight step toward the other man, and when their eyes meet each other there was such a riot of feelings, such longing and such wish, achening and fear, because it is indeed a strange thing to find yourself whole in someone else's eyes.

In the background, the sound of opened doors from the elevator.

Their eyes still locked to each other. They standing feet away.

The light on the hallway going off. Only the pour light bulb in the elevator illuminating them.

Silence and almost dark, on the hallway of a Brooklyn building. And Alec realized you can fall for beautiful eyes and bright smiles, for glitter in the hair and sparkles in your look...you can fall and still land. He wasn't sure he was falling, or he wasn't ready to admit it, but he had the feeling it was all going to be okay.

And as the doors drew closer and closer and then shut open, as their chests were rising fast, their breathing heavy and loud it took two steps. One step. Fingers touching, wet lips and touching, lips and tongue, forehead, nose and chest and all touching. They reached out for each other, none of them understanding, both fearing and then letting go, loosing their minds in their slow kisses. Slow, and oh, so soft. Moth on moth, fitting perfectly, somehow. Breath as breath. Tongue around tongue and body against body. Magnus turned around, his hands wrapped around Alec and pushed him against the wall. The boy moaned, the other one smiled. Their lips parted, their eyes searching. Then all collided again. Breath and moans and tongues.

* * *

"I can't see a damn thing!"Magnus whispered right next to Alec. They were sitting in front of what Alec guessed it was the door to Catarina's apartment.

When they stepped out of the elevator, the light on the hallway didn't turn on. It was complete darkness. They stopped in mid way and Magnus, only a slightly distinguished shadow to Alec's eyes, slowly turned around, probably facing him. And he could hear the sharp breath the man took and then Alec felt them. Long, lean and warm fingers searching for him in the dark. He heard Magnus' voice echoing the so innocent words.

"Can I?"

Alec didn't answer, but entangled his fingers with Magnus's. And Alec could now understand that all the love stories he read as a child, all the movies, they were all true. With the right person, they are all true. And hands could indeed express so, so much feeling. The way Magnus' thumb soothed over his hand, shy and slowly.

Then the shadow suddenly turned around. Without letting go of his hand, Magnus lead the way towards Catarina's door.

So now they were sitting in front of a closed door, with Magnus slowly cursing under his teeth while pushing a key all around the hole. Scratchy noises were covering his nervous cursing.

Alec took out his phone and turned on the flashlight whispering in his ear "Everything is fine, Magnus. Don't worry."

When they finally entered the apartment, Alec realized the blue hair was just a hint of Catarina's personality. Everything was a riot of color but it was beautiful nonetheless: some of the walls were painted in beautiful landscapes, beautiful paintings on the white ones, expensive furniture spread neatly around the house, shelves with pictures, books and CD's. It was extremely pleasing to watch. It looked like on of the living rooms you see in magazines, but the real I-could-actually-have-this kind of room.

Magnus probably saw the surprised look on Alec's face. "Only the living room is like that. We spent the summer in her apartment and we kind of went wild. She did the walls and I did the decorating. Catarina wanted a place to rest after work. She's a nurse and it's really consuming."

"It's beautiful." Alec hesitated, almost taking a few steps back. " Are you sure it's okay to stay here? I just feel like I'm intruding in her personal place."

"Oh. Don't worry. We're not staying _here._ I just came to pick up a few things."

Magnus made a sudden movement and he let go of Alec's hand. His eyes searched for Alec's, reassuring him.

Before Alec could say anything, Magnus disappeared in what he believed to be the kitchen. Normally, Alec wouldn't have done this. He would have went back to his boring dorm with white walls, blue sheets and the smell of cleaning products all over the place. And sleep or read or do something quiet and calming. But this was Magnus and this was their first date and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that this wasn't a good idea, he couldn't head for the door.

He waited a few more minutes while Magnus walked from door to door, finally coming back to where Alec was awkwardly standing. He had two bottles of wine, two glasses and a key in his hands.

"Come on," he said excitedly.

They left Catarina's apartment and Magnus lead the way, steering Alec around a hidden corner toward a smaller door. This time Alec was ready, with the flashlight turned on, lightning the key hole. He couldn't not notice the weird shape of the key. It was old and made of iron, standing oddly between Magnus' long and lean fingers.

Magnus turned the key, the lock thunk, and the door cracked open. They stepped inside a very small and narrow room with a single light that, fortunately, turned on immediately. The room was crammed with all kind of things, mostly antiquities but also blankets, pillows and sleeping bags.

"Okay, I'm starting to think you're trying to kidnap me,"Alec said, but his voice shook with giggles. He then noticed the wooden ladder toward which Magnus was pointing.

"Just wait." As he spoke the words, the door shut closed behind them and the light went off. Magnus reached again for Alec's hand and the boy unknowingly smiled, and if in the room it hadn't been dark, you could have seen his red cheeks and sparkly eyes.

When they were near the roof, Magnus pushed open a trap and stepped outside, Alec being just behind him.

He stepped onto the rooftop balcony and he was without breath.

Because at his feet laid the never sleeping city, above him the never sleeping sky. The glowing stars that blended together with the lights of New York.

Alec was awed.

Magnus was awed of Alec's expression. The way the lights reflected over his face, the way he was taking in the cityscape.

"You can see everything from here."

"I know. It's a beautiful view." But if he turned around, Alec would have seen that Magnus wasn't talking about the city at all.

For a while Magnus disappeared down the ladder, but he came back in a few minutes, carrying as many pillows and blankets as he could. He placed them under an escarpment made of wood in case it started raining.

Alec was still watching the sky, then the city, then his eyes lifted back to the sky.

When he heard the movement behind him, he turned around, his eyes big and his smile wide. Magnus was already making himself comfortable in the fortress of blankets and Alec joined him, realizing just then how cold he actually was.

"This is so beautiful, Magnus. It's perfect."

Magnus smiled toward him then pulled out one bottle of wine and those two glasses. "Worth celebrating?"

* * *

One hour later, they were snuggled under the blankets, but not touching, just feeling each others warmth, talking, laughing, looking at each other with sparkly eyes and not just from the wine. The bottles were empty, the glasses were somewhere at their feet.

"Come on, you have to have a favorite color."

"I don't know. I just like black. Blue, maybe? But a darker shade of blue."

* * *

"Hmm...that's a hard one. I think Innuendo."

"Queen?"

Magnus confirmed with a giggled. "The forever lasting."

* * *

"Not possible."

"I'm telling you. Just one."

"I don't believe you. No one night stands?"

"Not my type."

"Can I ask you something?"

"That's not a fair question."

"Okay, you're right. Can I ask you a question that might be too personal?"

Alec nodded.

"Did he break your heart?"

Alec lowered his head back on the pillow. "It was more than that. But that's a story for another time. I am happy now. Very happy. That's what matters." After Alec spoke the words, he realized the truth in them. He didn't feel that burden in his chest that became familiar to him in all these years.

When he turned his head, Mganus was watching him with mixed emotions all over his face.

"Alec?"

"Hmm?"

"I am sorry he broke your heart, or whatever worse things he did, but..."

"I needed that in a way. Sometimes you have to fall to understand how it is to stand at all."

"Alec."

" _Oh my God_ , that wine actually got to me," he said, giggling.

"Alec, you have this stupid habit of ignoring me when I'm calling you by your name."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. So I'm going to try a different approach."

There was quiet for a few seconds.

"Alec, you beautiful, beautiful blue-eyed boy..."

"That wine got to you too." the boy said – this time in a hoarse voice.

"Alec, can I kiss you?"

And then there was a smile. Such a beautiful smile. And a slightly nod of the head, followed by closed eyes and anticipation.

Magnus leaned on his elbows right above Alec, lowering his face, letting his lips touch Alec's. He moved them both very slowly, tilting his head sideways to have all their shape printed against his own, then slowly closed his lips around Alec's lower one, blending their tastes together.

When he drew away, Alec's head drew closer. _More_. His lips mouthed _more_.

* * *

They were standing so close, covered up in lots of blankets, keeping them warm, while the city life kept buzzing at their feet.

Alec's eyes traveled along Magnus' face, resting on the beautiful curve of his lips, following the little dent right between his mouth and nose, the fine line of his jaw, the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, hie eyes' beautiful color, strands of hair falling above them. Alec raised a hand from under the blankets, taking a strand between his fingers, pushing it back to its place.

They both smiled at each other, their noses touching and then their foreheads resting against each other.

Alec hid his arm back under the covers. "I'm cold," he said with a shiver.

Magnus shifted a little, putting his arms around Alec pressing his body against his own. "Come here," he said against Alec's hair, almost touching the boy's ear with his red, swollen lips.

* * *

 _ **Between The Bars**_ **by Elliot Smith**

"Can I tell you a story? A story that maybe is for another time?"

"Yes. Tell me."

Magnus was laying on his back and Alec was resting his head on the man's chest. Every time he spoke, he felt the vibrations and the movement of his chest. It was extremely pleasing, to sit like that, entangled under the covers, watching the sky beginning to color pink.

"When we were back in our last year of highschool, Catarina and me used to spend some nights like this. We would stand by the beach and watch the sky. The stars are easier to see over there. And none of us would now the real names of the constellations so we would invent some to the point it got hilarious." His voice was filled with emotion. "We were really drunk almost every time we did this. We would meet on the beach every time the situations back...home got really bad, or we had other problems. The first time we did this she quoted Virginia Woolf. I still remember the way her voice trembled when she said: "When you consider things like the stars, our affairs don't seem to matter very much, do they?" He stopped talking, or breathing. He was back there, Alec thought. Back to a cold night, sitting on the beach. A lonely teenager with a more lonely heart.

"The said part is that I was on the beach more than she used to. I was there so many nights I lost the count. I think I needed the stars to matter. Even after they are long gone, we still see their light, right?"

Magnus stopped again for a minute, and Alec felt the boy's hands moving to his face. He drew in a sharp breath. "But tonight I wasn't here for the stars. For the first time, I wasn't here for the stars."

* * *

"I saw it when we first entered the room downstairs. I don't know if I can still play but…" Alec was talking about a guitar he was now holding in his hands. After Magnus' heartbreaking story, it took him a few seconds to go get it. "But I don't know what to say. I know you have a broken heart in a way that can never be fixed. I know it feels like scars inside you and you can't do anything about it. It sucks, it really sucks. And I don't know what else to say. I _can't_ say anything. Words can't fix what's already broken...but someone once told me that songs are promises and promises mean hope and that's all we still have. So I'm gonna sing to you one of the most beautiful songs I ever heard."

And the boy sang. With a shaking voice and trembling fingers flowing through the cords of the guitar. And his voice took them both the stars. With their eyes closed, and the stars all around them, standing so close.

 _Drink up baby, look at the stars_

 _I'll kiss you again between the bars_

 _Where I'm seeing you there_

 _With your hands in the air_

 _Waiting to finally be caught_

 _Drink up one more time_

 _And I'll make you mine_

 _Keep you apart_

 _Deep in my heart_

"I love the song"

"You know it?"

"No, but I think I loved it long before I knew it." Magnus was smiling and to Alec, he was more beautiful than the stars and then the song. He was just so more beautiful, standing there with his eyes closed, looking hopeful. Alec had never seen him looking hopeful, and he wanted to get used with this view, with this boy, with being so near Magnus. He wanted, truly wanted all of this.

So he kissed him. So beautifully and so romantically kissed him under the billions of stars.

"Kiss me", Magnus whispered without breath, before their lips met one more time.

"Kiss me under the stars"

* * *

 **A/N: I truly hope you're still reading this. I know it took me three months to post a new chapter. I am so sorry. But I am never going to give up on this story. I have so many things planned for these two. I can't wait to share them with you. But I do have one simple request. Review. I need to know what you guys think. So maybe let's get this story to 25 reviews? Tell me what you think about their first date! I love reading everything you comment. If you ever want to ask me anything related to this fanfic, you can find me on tumblr, where I post sneak peeks as well. :)) (url: bookmarkmysoul)**

 **Special thanks to the last person who reviewed this story. You gave me hope. And I answerwd you through a DM.**

 **This chapter was dedicated to My Great Manifesto, whom I'll always love. Thank you for everything I can't put into words!**


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